mayaloncar001

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Sterling, USA
29 years-old
Friday 31 May 1996
couple

A propos de Mayaloncar001

Fuck off

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Mayaloncar001's favorite FMLs

By killmyself - 23/01/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

agreeclassic 17 387

vote type 1 47 253

Not a Bio major

By Anonymous - 27/06/2011 13:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said that to be extra careful he's been taking my birth control pills too. FML

agreeclassic 67 155

vote type 1 8 145

GET IT AWAY FROM ME!

By mottephobe - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

agreeclassic 23 739

vote type 1 37 404

Demon

By Spooked - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself last night was my sister's Furby that she'd stuck in the closet. FML

agreeclassic 42 948

vote type 1 7 281

By WhyMe? - 01/03/2011 13:24

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

agreeclassic 54 286

vote type 1 15 050