tsprayberry

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By oopsiecoffee - 09/04/2009 06:40 - Canada

Today, I went into a small coffee shop. In line, a guy came up to me and was like, "I haven't seen you here before, are you new in town?" and I replied with, "Oh, no I've lived here for years. The coffee here is crap, though, so I only come here when Starbucks is full." He's the owner of the shop. FML

agreeclassic 13 336

vote type 1 76 789

By roadkill0321 - 07/11/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML

agreeclassic 34 510

vote type 1 5 389

What what?

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

agreeclassic 34 843

vote type 1 3 524

By MLGreco - 14/10/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

agreeclassic 52 494

vote type 1 5 785

By Sabraynay - 28/09/2011 06:47

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

agreeclassic 41 065

vote type 1 3 306