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For the record i am a mechanic, but when the caliper bolt snaps on one car and a caliper is seized on another with no way to get replacement parts until next day, no amount of skill/knowledge will help. Cant pull parts out of my ass

Nice seeing you

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Houston

Today, I met my birth father for the first time. The first thing he told me was that if I ever get arrested, I should give him a call so his guys on the inside can look after me. I don't think there's going to be a second meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 630

You deserved it 1 818

By Toolmaker - 23/08/2018 15:00

Today, we got the bill from our lawyer. She'd recommended taking my common-law wife's ex-husband to court for child support, so we went to court and won. The judge awarded us over $8300! The bill came to $18,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 958

You deserved it 689

Booksmarts

By sigh - 29/03/2016 04:57 - United States - North Branford

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 499

You deserved it 4 940

By tittyboomboom - 24/03/2016 13:16 - Australia

Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful job interview. As I was sitting there, I felt the urge to yawn, but before I could raise my hand to cover my mouth some guy stuck his finger in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 972

You deserved it 2 061

By wellthisisbad - 29/02/2016 12:27 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I learned that not only am I pregnant, I'm too far along for an abortion. My husband and I originally bonded over the fact that we both hate children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 719

You deserved it 29 525

By Anonymous - 01/11/2018 15:30

Today, I woke up in a puddle of blood after 7 hours of sleep. Before going to bed, I had inserted a tampon that should've kept me dry for at least 8 hours. Apparently it doesn't work well if sleepy me forgets to take the top part of the plastic wrapping off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 464

You deserved it 1 253

By Birthday blues - 13/12/2018 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 061

You deserved it 609

By RejectRaven - 29/12/2018 04:00

Today, my two year old got out of her crib while I was sleeping and destroyed $700 worth of my makeup from Sephora. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 641

You deserved it 1 600

By sudoku_fiend - 13/12/2015 04:40 - United States - Millville

Today, I discovered that I've spent so much time playing Sudoku in the bathroom at work that I've trained myself to need to pee whenever I open the app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 691

You deserved it 5 833

By badplannning - 04/10/2015 17:51 - United States - Naperville

Today, thanks to the terrible carpool planning of one of my friends, I had the pleasure of driving both of my ex-boyfriends to homecoming. Neither one of them knew that I had dated the other, but they sure do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 585

You deserved it 3 963

badplannning tells us more.

badplannning 8

Tuesday 6 October 2015 1:06

OP here. My friend only knew I had dated one of the guys, but admittedly made me drive with him on purpose just to screw with me (I also think she wants us to get back to together). Driving with both of them just happened to be some bad luck, and I didn't have a chance to tell my friend about the awkward situation until afterwards. As far as the guys go, I didn't cheat on either one; I just never discussed my relationship with the first guy when I dated the second guy. It overall wasn't THAT bad of a ride, just incredibly uncomfortable with lots of questions and some sarcastic comments from both of them. It was like something out of a sitcom honestly

By Bonngoo - 17/11/2016 18:17 - United States

Today, at school, we were supposed to say something that we are thankful for. When I was about to speak, one of the girls at my table said, "It's okay, you can say PornHub." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 328

You deserved it 1 228

By Anonymous - 21/09/2015 17:47 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, when I woke up, one half of my face was smooth and clear and the other half looked as if I got slapped by the Hand of Puberty itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 916

You deserved it 1 877

Bingo is serious business

By earlytermination - 06/09/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, I was visiting my grandmother at her retirement community. Bingo is really popular there and she loves it, so I went thinking it would be a fun activity for us. I won the jackpot and my car got keyed by a group of angry old people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 109

You deserved it 2 471

By FuckThis - 31/08/2015 13:16 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 384

You deserved it 2 547

Paparazzi

By iStoleTheBrownie - 25/08/2017 01:32

Today, my friend asked me to send her a picture of my crush. I've never talked to him so I had to take the picture without him knowing. My flash was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 4 046

By peepa - 10/09/2017 04:30

Today, I finished my last day of job training. At the beginning, the boss had told us to ask as many questions as possible. I was fired because I asked too many questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 145

You deserved it 443

By meglast - 29/08/2016 16:48 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was motivated enough to run on the treadmill for the first time in a long time. The movement knocked my downstairs neighbor's ceiling fan down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 508

You deserved it 1 448

meglast tells us more.

meglast 13

Tuesday 30 August 2016 19:19

OP here. It was inconsiderate of me to use the treadmill in an upstairs apartment. Mine isn't very loud and I know the neighbor wasn't asleep, but I still should have thought of the noise. I was very embarrassed, but it is being taken care of and they weren't upset. They just asked me to move the treadmill to another room. I am a small woman-114lbs- I just thought it was funny imagining that I made the whole building shake.