The Top

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Domesticated bliss

By Men make no sense - 08/03/2026 20:00

Today, as I watched my boyfriend bake cookies, I said he was "domesticated." He looked at me like I'd just pissed on his mother's grave and has been cold and distant all evening. What the fuck? It's a compliment, you dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 872

Privacy or family?

By Anonymous - 16/04/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, it’s my first week working in a OB office. The amount of married men bringing in their pregnant sidechicks is absolutely sickening, but the worst part is one of them was my sister’s husband! I’m scared I’ll get fired if I tell her, even though he wasn’t the patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 101

Blowback

By Bleh! - 07/06/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 1 087

Chill out

By Utterly fucked - 17/04/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, I got into a stupid argument with an internet troll, who ended up making me so furious that I threw my laptop straight through my window. My dad will be home any minute. I'm a dead man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 1 016

Am I the asshole?

By Anonymous - 09/06/2025 13:00 - Romania

Today, I stayed home from work to pick up my Switch 2. As I raced into the house and prepared for the magic of unboxing it, my wife called and ruined the moment by blathering about her boring day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 1 145

No fun allowed

By Elyri - 04/02/2026 22:00

Today, my husband came home and groped my ass, so I tossed cold water into his face to make him back off. He's now acting like I sprayed him with toxic acid waste now. What a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 907

Cart Narcs

By xXglycerinXx - 18/04/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, my mom yelled at me for trying to return a shopping cart to the cart corral. She then forced me to leave it in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 73

Spice it up

By Jan - 13/10/2025 20:00

Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 869

Nice try, buster

By Anonymous - 27/11/2025 22:00

Today, my four year-old wants to throw out all his toys and get new ones for Christmas. His reasoning is that if he throws them away, there will be space for all new toys. He doesn't understand sustainability or environment. He's been explaining this calmly over and over again for two hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 365

Praise

By Jesusman - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, as I helped my boss set up catering at our café, she was stressing about having enough time for everything when the DJ chimed in with, "Why don't you ask him to help?" It got awkwardly quiet as they looked at me and he realized I was a girl. Then he tried saying, "By him, I mean Jesus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 160

You deserved it 367

Miserable bastard

By Jane - 29/06/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I called my husband when his shift at work ended to talk about what we needed to do this weekend. He got angry and asked if he could have "five goddamn minutes" after work to get home and change before I started "throwing the fucking to do list at me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 1 594

Fresh and picky

By Anonymous - 04/09/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was excited to go to my new girlfriend’s house for dinner. To my horror, everything was out of a box or a can; Hamburger Helper, canned vegetables, boxed mashed potatoes. When I said I was hoping for something fresher, she just stared at me and asked if i know how expensive groceries are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 989

Bothered

By Disgusted - 04/11/2025 22:00

Today, my little sister brought home her new boyfriend. He has an impressive job and is very charming and attractive. Apparently I'm the only one slightly bothered by the fact that he's 35 and she's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 135

You must be joking

By Harrold - 28/11/2025 00:00

Today, my new wife and I got home from our honeymoon, and not an hour later she'd sat me down for a talk, saying, "Now that you're married you've got to act the part and give up this silly nonsense," then banned me from seeing my friends, playing video games, and basically everything else I ever enjoyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 136

Let him have his fun

By Anonymous - 02/01/2026 12:00

Today, my boyfriend ignored my multiple texts for almost five hours. I was panicking and about to call the police when he finally replied, saying he was building a snow igloo. Am I dating a third grader? FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 907

Nil - nil

By Anonymous - 08/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I got into an online debate about reproductive rights, healthcare, gun laws, and education in the US, all in one thread. Someone told me, “This is the greatest country in the world.” I asked, “Based on what?” He blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 298

The struggle is real

By Anonymous - 10/11/2025 09:00

Today, my husband keeps falling sick or imagining that he's sick. We started the year with flu, then back pain, then a sprain, then a ligament tear, and now a bacterial infection. On the days he's not sick, he has zero interest in physical intimacy, scared that he'll catch an STD. We're a married monogamous couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 101

Criminal behavior

By Get ur own spot fuckr - 11/03/2026 03:00

Today, I loosened the lug nuts on a guy's tires since he won't stop parking in my assigned spot and the rental authority refused to do anything. His tire flew off as he was tearing down the highway and he totaled his car. Now I might get charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 1 122

Pet peeve

By MY CHIPS - 14/04/2025 07:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I got home from work to see that not only had my wife opened my bag of potato chips, she'd ripped it all down the side and left it open all day without a clip. Now my chips are stale. She has a whole bag of her favorite flavor, unopened, right next to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 109

Gotcha good

By Anonymous - 08/05/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, tired of my roommate’s constant stealing of my food, I decided to get back at him by hiding a small amount of hot sauce in his sandwich, thinking it would be a funny prank. When he took a huge bite, he immediately started choking and running to the bathroom. I later found out he's allergic to spicy food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 179

Not sponsored by Klondike bars (but feel free to send us some)

By Anonymous - 29/06/2025 09:00 - United States - Canton

Today, I realised that on top of my gluten intolerance, garlic intolerance, and just the general having to poop way too much in 12 hours, apparently my system does not like ice cream anymore. I get diarrhea after eating any amount. And I love Klondike bars! FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 94

Woo woo

By Dumb fuck - 04/01/2026 12:00

Today, my husband bought a new pillow made of "organic cotton and wool." It cost almost two hundred dollars. He could have bought a dozen regular pillows for that kind of money, "but they're not natural fibers, they're full of unhealthy chemicals." I'm so sick of his woo-woo bullshit. IT'S A FUCKING PILLOW. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 452

No chicks in the Man Cave

By Wife of a wannabe loser - 02/03/2026 09:00

Today, I went into my husband's man cave to ask him a question. He was blasting a song about being an unemployed single loser, singing along, and playing video games. What the fuck did I marry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 508

And I love her

By Anonymous - 22/09/2025 22:00

Today, I wondered who ever came up with the idea that women are elegant and refined. Mine farts like a horse, belches like a bullfrog, eats like a pig, and she's proud of it. Like something out of Shrek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 473

Kinda weird

By Cassie - 30/11/2025 03:00

Today, I turned 15, and I am allowed to wear a bikini now, so I modeled for my family. My brother (who's 18) was really wowed when he saw me. I asked what's wrong; he said, "Nothing, which is the point. I know you're my sis, not my girlfriend, but damn you have a pretty body." Is it OK that my bro thinks I'm hot? FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 168

Pigpen

By Anonymous - 22/04/2025 18:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my husband is furious with me for hurting his daughter’s feelings. Neither he nor his ex make her shower and she smells disgusting! It’s nearly impossible to even sit in the same room with her, as her odor changes the smell of the entire space. All I did was suggest a bath and she cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 118

Let me celebrate!

By poopface82 - 01/05/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I just passed an important exam. Hours after I passed, I felt a tickle in my throat. I have COVID. I feel like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 107

Good question, wrong place

By Anonymous - 09/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I took my ten year-old sister out for a walk. We passed a hen party in town, and she asked out loud in the street, "Why are men’s stag parties not called cock parties?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 119

My name is…

By Unnoticed - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Australia - Thornlie

Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 480

You deserved it 383

Jaded

By Anonymous - 26/05/2025 23:00

Today, after my son got his first girlfriend at 19, a nice girl as well, he broke up with her after 3 days because women are "too much effort", too "expensive", and keep trying to make him "do things." Unbelievable. Three days with a woman turned him into a cynical 65 year-old who's been married for 40 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 180

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The Top

Today, I was hit by an unmanned semi truck that rolled down an embankment onto the highway. I'm fine, but the entire left side of my car is smashed in. The idiot responsible had to be dragged down the hill by the cops. Apparently, he was peeing and forgot to put the parking brake on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 438

You deserved it 314

Today, I messaged the guy I've been seeing for 4 months, referring to him as my boyfriend. His response? "I didn't realize you had a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 509

You deserved it 4 255

Today, I've been married for six months, my husband and I are in our early twenties, and not only does he have absolutely no interest in any kind of sexual act with me, he actually becomes angry and irritated when I try to come on to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 261

Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 174

You deserved it 1 835

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 546

You deserved it 42 869

Today, it was my fifth wedding anniversary. After an intense lovemaking session, my husband looked lovingly into my eyes and asked, "How do you feel about polygamy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 205

You deserved it 4 301