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By namenlos - 27/05/2012 21:53 - Australia

Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 195

You deserved it 6 180

Blasphemy

By IAMALITAHA - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 290

You deserved it 4 621

By embaressed - 20/09/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 483

You deserved it 2 926

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 02:49 - United States

Today, as a joke, my friends plastic wrapped me to my bed while I was sleeping, I had an allergic reaction to the plastic and had to have the girl I like come cut me out and give me my meds. I sleep naked and was unable to put on clothes during this time. She saw me naked, swollen and with hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 350

You deserved it 5 950

By gullible - 12/04/2014 16:01 - United States

Today, I found out that the April Fool's Day prank my girlfriend and best friend played on me was not a joke, and that they actually did sleep together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 912

You deserved it 3 945

By Anonymous - 03/10/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to dress in all black with a ski mask and use my spare key to break into my house as a joke. He though it was even funnier when I jumped out the window and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 642

You deserved it 6 343

By Cammi0 - 02/06/2015 17:58 - United States

Today, I realized the only way I can pay my bills this month is if I steal from my 8 year old's birthday money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 947

You deserved it 6 639

By ReallyMom - 09/01/2014 21:48 - United States - Shawano

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 727

You deserved it 5 211

By Anonymous - 23/01/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 416

You deserved it 3 272

By antiqued - 20/12/2012 05:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took a bath because I couldn't get my left arm wet due to a minor medical procedure. My roommates decided to barge in to the bathroom and ruthlessly pelt me with flour. Not only did I find out flour burns the eyes, but the shock caused me to slip and submerge my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 119

You deserved it 3 103

NSFW

By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 682

You deserved it 47 714

Welcome!

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 22:06 - United States

Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 108

You deserved it 2 869

Cheat!

By cat lady - 07/01/2016 03:38 - United States - Netcong

Today, I found out the reason why my cat would sometimes go outside for days at a time was because when she would go out, my neighbor would lure her in with cat treats and keep her there for up to 2 days. She's an indoor cat now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 988

You deserved it 2 083

By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 02:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had knocked over a $35 can of powdered baby formula, and there were TWO different colonies of ants warring over the bounty all over the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 890

You deserved it 4 174

By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 22:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out my wife named our son after her ex-lover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 852

You deserved it 3 397

By spiderfail - 03/07/2012 08:03 - United States - Erie

Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 531

You deserved it 2 533

Moving day

By Anonymous - 11/09/2015 18:49 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I told to my girlfriend of 5 years that I'm depressed about having no friends, no job and a difficult family life. I told her that she's the one constant that keeps me going. She decided this was a good time to break up with me to "find" herself, since I was being so mopey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 380

You deserved it 3 854

By SoreNips - 12/04/2013 23:57 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 506

You deserved it 14 000

By DogLover - 06/02/2013 13:59 - United States - Watertown

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table, and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 578

You deserved it 4 829

By TowelSmellsNice - 16/04/2010 12:34 - Malaysia

Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 562

You deserved it 70 659

By arsenalfcboy - 20/01/2014 09:31 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 389

You deserved it 14 030

arsenalfcboy tells us more.

arsenalfcboy 6

Tuesday 21 January 2014 0:48

I'm a uni student so believe me, I go out plenty. Still no luck.

By Anonymous - 13/02/2012 01:11 - United States

Today, I had to pick my grandma up because she was drunk, at church, at 9am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 419

You deserved it 2 506

By blaze - 17/02/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a really sweet poem that he wrote for me. I think it was secondhand - the first letter of each verse spelled his ex girlfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 187

You deserved it 2 457

Peaceful

By kirrby - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I tried to break up with my girlfriend because I feel unappreciated. She fell asleep while I was attempting this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 299

You deserved it 4 638

Just no

By toolegittoquit - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss just looked at me and said, "No. You can't quit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 991

You deserved it 6 896

By anon - 31/01/2016 21:38 - United States

Today, my parents have deliberately ruined my last 2 relationships, because they want me to get back together with my ex simply because he is my son's dad. Apparently, my son needs his father more than I need a man who won't beat me every time he gets drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 734

You deserved it 2 074

By Anonymous - 30/12/2009 07:08 - Canada

Today, while taking a shower, I noticed that I had forgotten to shave my pits. I went to a party last night, and there are now several Facebook pictures of me dancing, with my arms up and my hairy pits showing for the world to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 696

You deserved it 39 342

Skincare

By frustrated - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Gosport

Today, everyone at work asked about the awful, twisted wound on my hand. I was too embarrassed to admit to having torn my skin apart with a pair of tweezers while trying to remove a splinter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 142

You deserved it 5 057

By gettingacat - 17/12/2009 14:32 - United States

Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 881

You deserved it 5 623

Nepotism rules

By SHIIIIITTTT - 10/08/2012 23:16 - United States - Houston

Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 234

You deserved it 1 797

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I dreamed that I got so nervous during a toast at my friend's wedding that I pissed myself. To coax myself to wake up, I took off my dress, stripped down to my underwear, and pinched myself. I wasn't dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 1 184

Today, I got a heads-up that my boss suffered a death in the family, but was coming into work anyway. I thought he'd be depressed, but it seems he deals with grief with anger instead. I found that out when he yelled at me, threatening to rip my spine out my ass over a typo I made in a report. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 927

You deserved it 1 409

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 946

You deserved it 6 394

Today, I found out that the girl I’ve been trying to get at from my job, and buying her stuff for, got caught kissing another guy at my job, who hasn’t done shit for her. But yet she says she cares about me. Actions speaker louder than words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 705

Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how neither of us is the other's usual "type". I explained that I usually go for insular asshole types and then asked him what made me different from his usual choices. He said "Oh, well, I usually go for the attractive ones." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 898

You deserved it 11 916

Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 529

You deserved it 4 356