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By TatooFAIL - 06/10/2009 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 292

You deserved it 67 836

By TheEnglishOne - 23/01/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 876

You deserved it 8 730

By PunkChik27 - 12/12/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying we're too different. His only example? He likes ham and I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 147

You deserved it 4 472

Sweet relief

By best_mom_ever - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 290

You deserved it 6 961

By juanjohnfml - 11/08/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I bought a $300 gym membership that gives me access to the company's non-premium gyms. The non-premium gyms are all closed due to construction, because they're being turned into premium gyms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 941

You deserved it 7 764

By imsorrytimmy - 02/04/2009 15:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 957

You deserved it 114 275

That's a hard no from me, dawg

By soontobesingle - 19/03/2013 11:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 187

You deserved it 5 018

By nowhereman1990 - 03/08/2010 04:23 - Venezuela

Today, I heard on a local radio a song I wrote almost 2 years ago. Apparently, after my family and I moved away, my former band found a new guitar player, and that song is now the first single of their debut LP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 206

You deserved it 4 102

By o.v. - 16/05/2011 16:04 - Bangladesh

Today, the pipe in the dining room sink suddenly broke open and in about 15 minutes my entire apartment was turned into an indoor swimming pool. The worst part? I was there the entire time, playing video games with my headphones on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 100

You deserved it 47 634

By Sallyfromtheseashore - 01/07/2009 10:43 - United States

Today, I wrote a long wall post on my teachers wall on facebook including how much of a douche I thought she was, I wasn't planning on posting it but did on accident, so I quickly deleted it. I felt pretty clever. Did you know facebook sends you emails including what was written on the post? FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 779

You deserved it 89 687

By Anonymous - 24/09/2015 17:07 - United States - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 603

You deserved it 6 100

By tracie - 22/09/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 69

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 13:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 971

You deserved it 140 367

By Totallyscrewed - 10/02/2013 05:17 - United States - Stroudsburg

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 574

You deserved it 3 673

By muffingirl - 10/02/2010 12:30 - United Kingdom

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend reached over and pinched my love handles and said "Where did this muffin top come from?". Then he sang "Do you know the muffin man?" to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 829

You deserved it 8 161

We got a reader!

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 05:18 - United States - Hobbs

Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 708

You deserved it 3 794

By 1fungi - 07/12/2010 05:25

Today, it's my 26th birthday. My girlfriend gave me a matchbox car, a glow necklace, and a squirt gun. For her birthday, I bought her a new dress, rented a limo, and took her around to bar hop with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 029

You deserved it 5 454

By ksmith - 09/08/2011 04:59 - United States

Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 967

You deserved it 5 245

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 23:14 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 285

You deserved it 17 578

By Anonymous - 24/03/2013 10:30 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I spent three hours painstakingly installing and configuring some parental control software on my 11-year-old son's laptop after I caught him watching porn. Barely an hour after returning the laptop, I caught him watching yet more porn on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 360

You deserved it 14 733

By Anonymous - 09/12/2013 17:12 - United States - California

Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 955

You deserved it 7 972

By Skyhopee - 24/12/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because I'm too "high maintenance" during the holidays. Not to worry, though; he's willing give me another chance sometime after Valentine's day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 036

You deserved it 6 304

By courtbabbbby - 12/02/2011 06:30 - United States

Today, I got banned on Club Penguin because I said "shit" while I was in a fight with another penguin about whose igloo is cooler. Shouldn't I have better things to do on a Friday night? FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 737

You deserved it 43 800

Keep it down

By Help - 26/11/2011 06:03 - United States

Today, it's the second week into my new neighbors' routine. He works nights, she works days. He likes to blast out Slayer and Napalm Death all day, she likes to drunkenly sing out of tune to Adele all night. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 772

You deserved it 2 511

By KenzFell - 05/06/2012 07:27 - Canada - Calgary

Today, while I was on stage dancing for a competition dress rehearsal, my top fell off, exposing my breasts. I was really embarrassed, but fortunately no one said anything about it. That is until a kid in the audience came up to me and said, "That was a disappointment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 213

You deserved it 3 061

By 2234 - 04/10/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, I was tossing my car keys into the air and catching them. I threw them up really high, only to have them land in the branches of the palm tree outside my door, at the very top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 330

You deserved it 48 504

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 15:00 - South Africa

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 989

You deserved it 2 190

By Anonymous - 18/06/2011 01:26 - Israel

Today, I'm sat at home alone on a Friday night, watching a documentary online about decomposing elephants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 852

You deserved it 10 329

By Anonymous - 23/11/2013 00:16 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 457

You deserved it 6 194

By alexbrooke - 16/09/2013 02:49 - United States - Paintsville

Today, as I started my car, I heard the most horrific sounds coming from the engine. When I lifted the hood I realized I'd found my son's cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 582

You deserved it 4 592

alexbrooke tells us more.

alexbrooke 14

Tuesday 17 September 2013 0:25

Hey! OP here! the cat actually was wrapped around the Serpentine belt! No.it did not survive, and my car is in the shop, being cleaned out with a new belt. Sad thing my son was in the car, he kept saying Mommy! what is it?! The cat has been lost, I actually hadn't drove my car for a couple of days so I'm not sure how long it was actually in there. I am surprised how.many people this has happened to, glad it wasnt just me!