The Top

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By Mouse - 17/10/2012 23:15

Today, my college class was talking about Felix Baumgartner, who jumped from the edge of space down to earth. A boy suddenly put his head up and said in a serious tone, "I thought he jumped from the moon?" Several girls concurred. This is my generation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 547

You deserved it 2 376

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 20:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 057

You deserved it 8 459

By toriforever - 05/07/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 32

By gabby - 24/02/2012 23:01 - United States

Today, I dolled myself up and hit the campus gym, hoping to leave with a cute boy's number. I left in a stretcher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 031

You deserved it 32 476

By virginmary - 06/12/2009 08:07 - United States

Today, my mom told me that I am going to end up getting myself pregnant. I am 21 and a virgin. She continued to yell at me and call me a liar all night. I don't know which is worse, being a 21 year old virgin or my mother accusing me of lying about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 607

You deserved it 3 208

By Anonymous - 24/06/2012 14:17 - Canada - Cochrane

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 095

You deserved it 3 291

Epic prank

By Andrew - 24/09/2010 10:22 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 303

You deserved it 4 590

By Renzy - 12/12/2012 18:32

Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 419

You deserved it 7 603

Hard to beat

By onlyslightly - 30/11/2012 08:33 - United States

Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 045

You deserved it 4 854

By anonymous - 01/06/2009 07:05 - Korea Republic of

Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 240

You deserved it 5 303

Precious little boy

By stupid older sister - 24/07/2014 21:54 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I woke up from a nap to find my little brother playing some games on my phone. A few hours later I come to find he had deleted all 500 pictures from my trip to Europe last month. He needed more space to download the games. Mom says he's too young to understand what he did wrong. He's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 936

You deserved it 5 533

By Anonymous - 11/09/2015 10:51 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, while blissfully unaware that it was the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I was making paper airplanes during my free period in school. Next thing I know, I was reported for, "making jokes about the 9/11 attacks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 490

You deserved it 8 871

By Powerfool - 07/04/2009 10:07 - United States

Today, I saw the blueprints for my family's new house. My room is half the size of the room next to it. The room next to it is my step mom's walk-in closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186 296

You deserved it 10 741

By ohshittttttt - 04/04/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 511

You deserved it 158 603

By fmyhabit - 15/04/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 877

You deserved it 57 452

By allennn - 14/03/2010 14:56 - France

Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 932

You deserved it 38 573

By atleese - 31/12/2011 15:37 - United States

Today, I was having 'goodbye' sex with my boyfriend. Now for the next four months he's going to remember our last time as the one where I farted and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 458

You deserved it 31 922

By Ketchup - 22/06/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, my brother and I found a little bird that couldn't fly. While trying to convince my mom that it couldn't fly so we could keep it, I lightly tossed it in the air and it landed a few feet in front of me. Then my cat grabbed it and ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 798

You deserved it 49 916

By fihifgni210 - 20/05/2009 16:54 - United States

Today, I decided to go tanning. I went outside and took my top off and laid out in the sun for about an hour. When I was about to go inside a phone rang. It belonged to one of the five men that were working on my roof and watching me the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 769

You deserved it 73 666

By played - 21/06/2011 05:07 - Norway

Today, the girl I've been dating for several months, and fallen in love with, said "We're just friends, right? My mom thinks I'm leading you on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 950

You deserved it 4 894

By loser. - 20/03/2010 06:23 - Canada

Today, I dove into the water perfectly, and my bikini bottoms came off. I splashed around nervously. This guy must have thought I was drowning, and dove in to save me. He emerged from the water carrying a half naked girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 61

By Rita - 10/12/2008 04:58 - France

Today, on the bus, a young high school boy sat down next to me and started to chat me up. I thought it was cute until he asked me which high school I was attending. I'm 27, I'm married, I have a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 411

You deserved it 6 332

By nicole - 22/09/2011 10:31 - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 429

You deserved it 5 434

By mike h - 10/08/2012 04:37 - United States - Mcadoo

Today, I started my dream job of being a veterinarian. My first day consisted of having to put down 12 dogs and 5 cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 486

You deserved it 4 857

Why so serious?

By DwarfFrog - 18/06/2012 11:38 - United States

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 465

You deserved it 3 397

By a tad whipped - 28/04/2013 20:44 - Australia

Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 246

You deserved it 7 254

By muffintop - 11/07/2011 02:34 - Canada

Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 202

You deserved it 13 582

By hahahehehohohoo - 07/02/2009 03:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324 634

You deserved it 58 706

By CanWeAllGetOne - 13/11/2013 06:40 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 933

You deserved it 14 095

The pleasure, the pain

By BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 238

You deserved it 30 264

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I had great sex and afterward decided to take a shower together. He left the room to get some towels, so I went to the bathroom and wait. I walked out of his room wearing nothing but a thong and ran into his mom who had come home from work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 018

You deserved it 33 516

Today, on vacation with family, the power goes off in the middle of the night. I wake up as the A/C starts dripping on my head. No air, wet pillow, can't sleep, but I decide to tough it out until morning rather than wake everyone. In the morning, I discovered my sister had hit the breaker because she couldn't find the light switch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 99

Today, as we talked after we woke up at a sleepover at my house (16th birthday gift), my best friend sat up, grabbed her belly, and started grunting. I asked what's wrong and she said, "I have to poop" and she did, right there in her underwear. The turd she pushed out was so big, her panties overflowed. We shared a bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 83

Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 653

You deserved it 54 092

Today, I added a new trigger for my debilitating migraines: presentations shown on projectors - BAM; went to the movies - BAM; went to a concert - BAM BAM BAM. Apparently big screens trigger them now, in addition to sleep or meal disruption, hormones or stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 58

Today, I realized how invisible I am when our professor was showing us that he knows the names of all the students in our class. When he reached me, he just smiled at me and skipped to the person next to me. I took 3 courses with this guy yet I'm the only one he didn't know the name of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 686

You deserved it 1 878