Awkward, Drugs Health Tough guy, huh? - FML

Tough guy, huh?

Anonymous - 14/06/2012 20:59 - United Kingdom - Croydon

Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Anonymous - 13/04/2016 08:25

Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML

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Anonymous - 24/12/2011 02:49 - Australia

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

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The gang

Anonymous - 05/02/2025 19:00 - Ireland - Portlaoise

Today, I went to my friend's house to celebrate her birthday but 3 of them ganged up on me and molested my arse cheeks. Later, someone found a wooden plank and spanked me hard. There was also a BB gun and my arse was the target. I have been a social outcast all my life, and these are my only friends, but I'm always hit. FML

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shenmas - 08/07/2018 19:00

Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML

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Fight Club

MyFaceHurts - 03/08/2010 10:40 - United States

Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML

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Stephen - 24/03/2012 21:07 - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

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Run!

Anonymous - 05/11/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML

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deven - 29/08/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

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nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

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Anonymous - 24/02/2013 17:36 - United States

Today, I went sledding with my friends. I said I was tired and didn't want to go, but they press-ganged me into it. I ended up sledding right into a tree, fracturing my leg, and scraping up my entire face. FML

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xxmel 6

Friday 15 June 2012 5:32

You lied, so now you have to put up with the consequences.

purpadurp 6

Friday 15 June 2012 5:32

So many levels of fail -_-

todster8 7

Friday 15 June 2012 18:39

Good friends

UltraRice 0

Friday 15 June 2012 19:16

Normally, I'd feel sorry for you. Knowing that you hang out with crack-heads changed that though. Nothing good comes out of illegal narcotics. YDI

noisebox 1

Friday 15 June 2012 19:33

Loose the crack heads and drink kool aid now from this day on.....

Lisa1993_fml 1

Friday 15 June 2012 19:43

You are a dumb ass. Grow up and be honest

theonlysweetpea 10

Friday 15 June 2012 19:56

Not only are you a liar but you hang out with idiotic crack heads... YDI

dsl1123 8

Friday 15 June 2012 19:56

You lied to them so you have a choice. You can come clean or hope nothing happens when your in a tough part of town.

GrossedOut12 2

Friday 15 June 2012 20:52

Just say no.......

Hiphuray4peas 27

Friday 15 June 2012 22:52

Sounds like time to get some new friends.

Jasonf6 0

Friday 15 June 2012 23:23

Uhhh, nice friends you have there.

SimpleGr33n 4

Saturday 16 June 2012 1:52

Dude... Funny but now you gotta kick a crackhead in the nuts to win cause they recover to quick from anything else.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my skin was turning black, and I believed I was reacting to a spider bite. I spent 4 hours waiting in an emergency room in the middle of the night, paid a $100 copay, and missed a night with my boyfriend just to have a doctor wipe dye from my brand new black jeans off with alcohol. FML

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Today, my man complained about having to listen to my "emotional problems for hours." Yeah, we did talk for two hours, 90% of which was him asking for my advice on which new mattress to buy for his bed. FML

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Today, my boss found out that I have a second job in a similar industry and tried to fire me for disloyalty, industrialist espionage, theft of intellectual property, you name it. I need a second job because he pays peanuts, and it’s a specialised skill set so I got a similar job just for convenience. FML

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Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

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Today, I found out that the myth about what happens when you dream you're going to the toilet is not entirely untrue. At least for me. FML

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Today, my creepy, stalker ex-girlfriend was given an anonymous love letter. She's convinced it's from me. FML

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