Tonight, on First Dates…

By dumper - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was, "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks 37 623
You deserved it 5 701
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Top comments

teiso_fml 0

Since it's your first date ever, here's something you should know about guys: Sometimes, they have to poo. Even when they're on a date. It's not their fault, it's just the way their bodies work.

50 7
SaintJimmy 0

You do not want. Trust me I know these kinds of people.

32 4

Comments

marshmallowmouse 0

Everybody poops. It won't stop. It won't even stop if he really truly loves you. It's a disease, that pooping.

1 0
TobyFunke 3

you're stupid as hell, this is not an FML! And to #12, how does being blunt for the sake of comedy and saying "i have to take a dump" equal saying I want to give you my herpes???? Slightly different there...

0 0
stdslove 0

I hate Herpes....... I must say I am cute. But I got Herpes 6 months ago, my boyfriend left me. I had to date singles living with Herpes on Positivefish.com =. Thank god, I finally met someone!!

0 0
SenGaeriel 3

At least he look care of it at the beginning and not during sex.

0 1
Gizmo3K 0

He needed to go and knew he was going to take a while so he was just being considerate by telling you what he was doing. If he left for 10 minutes and didn't tell you where he was going you'd probably think he'd ditched you and you might have left by the time he was done. He could have phrased it better though. He could have said something like he's got an upset stomach and might be a while. It would still have been obvious what he meant but he wouldn't have had to directly mention faeces.

1 0
TornSoul 0

OH MY GOD MY DATE HAS BODILY FUNCTIONS FML

0 0
perdix 29

Oh, you poor dear, no one has told you about modern dating rituals! Here's a chart you must commit to memory. Upon meeting, if the guy says to the girl: "I gotta take a dump" -> I want to have sex with you at the end of this date. "I gotta pee" -> We can make out a little bit later. "I have to wash my hands" -> You can give me a tug job later. If he doesn't go anywhere ->"I'm going to the bathroom later to jump out the window and ditch you." So you did really well for a first date ever! The only faux pas was that he didn't invite you to come with him and hold his hand as he defecated, because some guys cry a little when the poop.

1 1
Brave_Sir_Robin 4

"I poo because I cry; I cry because I poo." It's better that he did this in the bathroom instead of on your chest. I understand that this is the first date and all, but you never know...

0 0
Bob31_fml 4

you sure can pick them. This is an omen for how the rest of your dating life will go.

0 0
clockworklolita 3

I don't really get the big deal here. Alright, he was a bit blunt, but at least he's comfortable with you. And as for leaving you sat by yourself for 10 minutes, what was he meant to do? Invite you into the bathroom with him?

1 0