Intimacy: Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you... - FML

By notinterested - 13/09/2011 10:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 394

You deserved it 5 452

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Same thing different taste

Such a weird move either way

By 1337fade - 07/04/2011 05:19 - Denmark

Spicy

Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 307

You deserved it 9 751

By Anonymous - 26/04/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 250

You deserved it 336

Sweet talker

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 22:39 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 113

You deserved it 7 274

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 525

You deserved it 11 081

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 973

You deserved it 6 547

No thanks!

By Anonymous - 23/05/2022 09:00 - United States - Spokane

Spicy

Today, my husband thought I might want to get intimate. I've never seen someone vacate a room so quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 234

By mrssagdiyev - 05/03/2011 14:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 652

You deserved it 5 450

Pragmatic

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 14:05 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 004

You deserved it 4 971

You're welcome

By Anonymous - 04/06/2025 13:00 - United States - Lincoln

Spicy

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 125

By Heather212 - 26/10/2017 07:26

Spicy

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 388

You deserved it 1 419

Next

Top comments

sciencekidster1 8

Tuesday 13 September 2011 15:54

"Sorry, my mom told me not to put small objects in my mouth. I could choke."

gojira666 7

Tuesday 13 September 2011 18:15

"No thanks, I have a small nut allergy"

Comments

ChronicMbates 1

Monday 23 January 2012 19:54

I tell my significant other this as well and she laughs about it and does it

Badkittyinwa 2

Sunday 27 May 2012 9:51

I feel for you....that's the exact mood killer shit my crappy lover man says. To think I had a kid with this guy. It's ok when your drunk, or stoned but sober.....it's ******* lame.

redrose037 3

Friday 10 August 2012 7:41

Don't worry. Happens to me too. Don't think they realize how frustrating it is.

DarthVader77 9

Friday 16 November 2012 2:46

At least, there is no way to misunderstand him. ;)

crystalxa 35

Tuesday 24 September 2013 22:45

Men. There is no other word for it.

sonnyrosa 32

Tuesday 20 January 2015 17:45

HAHA... do all husbands do this at some point? This sounds very familiar. Mine leans in to kiss and nibble my ear and seductively whispers "you should touch it"... so romantic.

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Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 581

You deserved it 3 379

Today, my mom talked me into going to a funeral since my dad wouldn't go. It was for one of her classmates. When it was our time to view the casket, we paused in front of it for a second before my mom leans over to me and says, "What if I told you that was really your dad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 271

You deserved it 439

Today, my boss asked me to pick up some supplies for a presentation. I entered the store in the middle of an armed robbery, was knocked to the floor, and had my cash, phone and credit cards stolen. When I told my boss the story, she said, "So were you able to get the binder clips?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 475

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Today, I woke up to find both of my bank accounts frozen. My bank informed me that the IRS had ordered a freeze on my assets because of back taxes owed, and would not unfreeze them until the money is paid. The amount? $2.47. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 222

You deserved it 925

Today, I was working as a counsellor at a special needs camp when one of the parents came up to my friend and asked her what my disorder was. FML

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Today, we had a family day at my new job. I used to have a very abusive boss in my previous position, who even slapped one co-worker across the face in the office, prompting me to quit. Guess who turns out to be my new manager's wife… FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 87