Work Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a... - FML

NoPrivacy - 26/04/2012 10:44 - United States

Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML

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Women's Day: Equality and Laughter
Stories that celebrate women in a light-hearted and humorous way, because equality can also be a source of joy! …

Not now, mate

yuen - 16/06/2009 14:59 - Australia

Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML

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not telling you my name - 07/08/2015 15:16 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML

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Username - 21/03/2012 17:10 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML

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shittysongs - 07/03/2013 02:39 - United States - Bothell

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

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SHAME! SHAME!

Anonymous - 02/08/2013 21:34 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

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DELETE! DELETE!

Mandi - 05/12/2022 16:00

Today, I accidentally called my boss and left a voicemail as I was yelling to my kid, "I NEED TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MY BUTT! WHERE IS ALL THE TOILET PAPER?!" Followed by me yelling something like, "STOP WATCHING ME WIPE MY BUTT!" immediately after my kid walked in with baby wipes. FML

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Madridsta - 28/06/2014 06:28 - United States - Rialto

Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML

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We heard you

PeePee - 03/07/2009 19:19 - United States

Today, at work I had to use the bathroom. I asked my boss to watch my register and quickly walked into the bathroom. I squatted down and peed. A minute later I heard someone ask over our walkie talkie system who was using the bathroom. I had been pressing the intercom button while I peed. FML

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DonPedro - 16/01/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML

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Taylor Page - 19/02/2015 16:24 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

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Wheredidgrungego 12

Thursday 26 April 2012 15:14

"You need a new job, you need a new job."

twifan1901 0

Thursday 26 April 2012 15:13

Why would you do that?

MrSassypants 33

Thursday 26 April 2012 15:50

I usually sing "Sing along, sing along, sing along to this song." Over and over again. Maybe your boss would have joined and you guys could have become good friends.

flockz 19

Thursday 26 April 2012 15:55

OP, you're fired.

theDeafAids 3

Thursday 26 April 2012 16:42

hahahaha you have a very appropriate picture for this fml!

VasilisaUzhasnaj 29

Thursday 26 April 2012 15:56

Sounds like you'd show great promise in today's record industry. Quit your job and become an award-winning musical sensation! To top it off, have your albums covered by Beiber and Skrillex.

VasilisaUzhasnaj 29

Thursday 26 April 2012 16:00

The pure essence of today's music industry. Don't hate, flatulate!

br0ccoli 14

Thursday 26 April 2012 16:01

Do you think you have a voice with a pitch only dogs can hear or something? You should make friends with the girl who talked to herself on the way home. I think it's a match made in heaven.

rightside5 2

Thursday 26 April 2012 16:20

That's totally something I would do=P Singing about random "shit" is fun!

flashback.miss 28

Thursday 26 April 2012 16:26

"Sittin' on the toilet, sittin' on the toilet"~~~ Gotta flush...~~

ClosetTroll 10

Thursday 26 April 2012 16:34

You could have improvised on the spot. 'I need a shit, I need a shit, I need a shit to give about the world around me.' Any present day pop star can rake in millions with this shit.

dino2muffin2 0

Thursday 26 April 2012 16:38

I thought girls didnt shit!! Wtf?!?

SmittyJA24 26

Thursday 26 April 2012 16:41

You need a new song-loop playing in your head. Have you tried changing radio stations there at your work??

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Today, I'm lying awake at 2 in the morning listening to the police helicopter circle my house yet again. I recently moved near quiet woodland to escape the traffic noise that disturbed my sleep. Quiet woodland where apparently the local criminals play midnight hide-and-seek with the police. FML

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Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

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Today, my best friend got drunk and told me he's only friends with me because no one else will be friends with him. He then went on to tell me that he wasn't actually that drunk. FML

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