Intimacy: Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went...

By checkup - 15/07/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 358

You deserved it 5 091

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 060

You deserved it 4 141

So close…

By fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU - 03/03/2014 22:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 386

You deserved it 9 636

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 500

You deserved it 8 045

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 247

You deserved it 3 779

Be careful what you wish for

By cottage cheese-cunt - 21/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’d been bi-curious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch-searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 544

By Anonymous - 09/11/2015 00:18 - Netherlands

Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 271

You deserved it 3 185

By Anonymous - 07/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 868

You deserved it 382

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 735

You deserved it 24 351

By sadsexer23 - 16/02/2010 03:10 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 862

You deserved it 6 753

DKjazz 20

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:11

I just love the wording of this FML.

sunnyt 5

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:11

Genital warts.. still the girl of your dreams?

Comments

CallMeBloo 31

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:20

With that "lovely" personality I wonder how she got laid in the first place. What a bitch.

EllyBear__ 11

Sunday 15 July 2012 7:33

Yes, because we all know that guys go for personality over looks.

greenie213 23

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:21

You can still do some stuff...

hockeyoceancity 13

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:44

I'm not sure about OP but the warts probally ruined the mood... Also the yelling...

brill33 7

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:22

Bro, just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you hit the first piece of ass that comes around. That's what happens when you do,YDI

lexanianna 11

Sunday 15 July 2012 6:25

He said she was the girl of his dreams. Probably wasn't the first piece of ass that came around then.

AznSamoan52 10

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:22

It's better to be a virgin than having an STD on your first time doing the nasty.

AznSamoan52 10

Sunday 15 July 2012 6:48

Sorry about this comment, I accidentally posted his a second time. I was trying to edit my first one but ended in a failed attempt. Sorry people!!!! Moderate this, thumb it down, whatever you want. Again, sorry.

br0ccoli 14

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:26

Real life never does live up to dreams, does it? Hope every girl here got the HPV vaccine.

smilepatrol 7

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:27

Oh wow. I'm so glad OP had the brains to stop when he found out! That girl's NASTY.

animal50199 10

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:28

Hey OP your a bitch! Us girls have to go through a lot to please you ******* douche bags that call yourself men! I do think genital warts are nasty but dude we have to suffer to please you idiots! And if you don't believe me go to YouTube and look up "7 things parody things we do for guys." So OP suck the **** up and be a man, bitch!

animal50199 10

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:29

Oooops I commented on the wrong FML...... Hehehe.

KillerQueen 8

Wednesday 8 August 2018 15:23

It’s you’re not your..... but it would take forever to correct all your mistakes and ignorant ranting. You sound so stupid, what does this have to do with anything lol

linkinpark98 23

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:28

At least you caught sight of that. You could have not known until both of you were finished!

perdix 29

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:29

A real man would have considered them "speed bumps" and soldiered on. "A man will go with his penis where he wouldn't go with a gun." That proverb has helped me many, many times ;)

hockeyoceancity 13

Sunday 15 July 2012 6:10

"Speed bumps"? More like a brick wall.

Shadow_Phantom 26

Sunday 15 July 2012 6:41

Do you by chance get your sex advice from Cosmopolitan, #33?

perdix 29

Sunday 15 July 2012 7:03

#80, close, but no, I get my sex advice from Popular Mechanics, Physics Review and Highlights for Boys. They seem very knowledgable and authoritative :D