Today, I accidentally shaved part of my eyebrow. It now looks like I'm trying to raise one without moving the other. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML
Today, I decided to get in shape for swimsuit season, so I went to the gym. I tried to lift a barbell up and over my head, which was fine, until I dropped it. Exercise earned me a concussion and a neck brace. FML
Today, since my family and friends always make fun of me for being a wuss when it comes to pain, when I stubbed my toe, I made a point to not scream or complain in any way. Instead, I vomited and fainted. FML
Today, my 12-year-old daughter is a Nirvana fan, while my 20-year-old son is a Justin Bieber fan. How did that happen? FML
Today, I went to the mall with two friends. A modelling scout approached us and asked both of my friends if they were interested in modelling. When the scout finally noticed me, she asked if I was their mom. We're all the same age. FML
Today, I learned that I'm in that special kind of relationship where my ex thinks we're still married, no matter how many times I tell him that we were divorced over a year ago. FML
Shave the other side. Pretend to be constantly surprised.
I can do that without shavin em