Miscellaneous Thanks Mom

Thanks Mom

megangubler - 26/05/2014 22:34 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my mom insisted on making my lunch. She didn't know that knives are banned at my high school, and packed me a steak knife for cream cheese. I'm now suspended for 7 days, and she refuses to say that she did anything wrong. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

This is America

LilSquanch - 05/03/2022 07:00 - United States - Terrell

Today, my school caught a kid with a firearm, so during our lunch period we had to stay in our classrooms and nobody can leave and nobody can get food. FML

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mom - 26/04/2018 15:00

Today, after it appeared my daughter was throwing away any vegetables in her school lunch, I packed her all vegetables so she would have to eat at least one. Nope! She threw them out and complained to school that "mommy doesn't feed" her. I got a call from the school. FML

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Armed and not dangerous

littledonny - 12/05/2017 18:00

Today, I went to school wearing the same jacket I had gone hiking in the previous day. When I found out that I had left my 2" pocket knife in the pocket I immediately turned it in to the front office. They promptly had me arrested for bringing a weapon on campus. FML

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Evil will always win

emily ann - 21/05/2023 00:01

Today, I was suspended from school for “being involved in a fight.” The other girl beat me up while I didn't do anything to defend myself, for fear of getting in trouble. She got off scot free. FML

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Anonymous - 16/06/2017 06:00 - United States - North Olmsted

Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML

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mommy_issues - 29/08/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

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Kulcha - 13/02/2009 11:07 - Australia

Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

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Barred for life

tariel - 22/05/2018 21:08

Today, I went to my favorite restaurant with my mother. The food took a little longer than usual to arrive and my mom threw a fit, complete with kicking and screaming, in the middle of the restaurant. My mom and I are both banned for life. FML

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Back 2 school

christine brown - - United States

Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML

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Too many cooks, etc.

hazyshadows - 18/03/2020 17:02 - United States - Edmond

Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML

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Comet_Candy 23

Tuesday 27 May 2014 11:11

Gosh, why didn't she just pack a plastic knife or something :/. Maybe just a spoon... FYL, OP!

itwasthedognotme 14

Tuesday 27 May 2014 11:08

Wow man, schools are harsh! Hope your mum sticks up for you eventually. FYL.

applecrusher 18

Monday 29 December 2014 8:48

I could maybe understand a butter knife but why a steak knife?

ChippyChoppy 21

Thursday 31 December 2015 21:55

At least the school respects the pupil's safety

fantasyworld 37

Monday 18 July 2016 16:27

Why would you need a steak knife for cream cheese? A butter knife would do fine.

randybryant799 20

Friday 22 October 2021 6:57

Why would you need a steak knife for cream cheese. That doesn't make sense.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my wife is out of the country so my daughter asked me for help. She'd tried waxing her "private bits" but it hurt too much so she left the strip stuck down there for nearly two days. I was so unable to handle the situation, I called my wife crying and begging her to come home and deal with it. FML

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Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

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Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

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Today, I found the Christmas 'newsletter' my mom sends out every year to our extended family and friends that details our activities and achievements of the past year. I wasn't mentioned once. FML

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Today, I found out my little sister is marrying my ex, and that my mother set them up. FML

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