Dogs, Weird Animals Nothing better to do

Nothing better to do

Anonymous - 28/03/2012 06:57 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Good boy

fall3nrain - 11/09/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

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sleepy - 23/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

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He's still a very good boy

Anonymous - 28/11/2024 12:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML

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aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

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lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

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BadBreath - 09/04/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

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Stinky

Anonymous - 16/10/2025 22:00

Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML

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Bad boy

Anonymous - 05/10/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

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It found you

Anonymous - 20/04/2020 02:00

Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML

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A - 09/02/2012 06:37 - United States

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

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saIty 17

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:33

"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"

missyj0 12

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:29

Sounds like you need a hobby..

jujubunni5 9

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:24

So did you?

jdcg116 10

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:38

bow wow wow yippy yo yippy yay my masters an idiot today

loopsy_fml 14

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:55

Haha! Agreed!

bd1012 18

Wednesday 28 March 2012 18:04

Boredom makes people do strange things.

pastnastificatio 4

Wednesday 28 March 2012 18:37

See if you can guess what I am thinking right now...

RAUN 8

Wednesday 28 March 2012 19:29

How would you ever know whether you were reading your dog's mind correctly?

jaysmack08 2

Wednesday 28 March 2012 20:03

Dude, i want what you were smokin

wittygirl 8

Wednesday 28 March 2012 20:36

And what did you decipher? I'm thinking it was gimme bacon lol

BunBunBabe 8

Wednesday 28 March 2012 20:48

Is this really your dog talking through you? Controlling your mind and making you type?

barbieee420 1

Wednesday 28 March 2012 21:02

U really must have no life to read ur dogs mind

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, after struggling with an eating disorder and hiding my symptoms for months, I got up the courage to tell my mom that I need help. Then she asked if an ice cream would make me feel better. FML

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Today, I was teaching a class of 17-year-old Japanese boys English. Tripping over a school bag, I caught my foot in the bottom of my very loose elastic trousers. I pulled them down with my foot as I stumbled, exposing my underwear to all 40 students. FML

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Today, my wife took me to Taco Bell for the first time. I said, "Isn't this where all those FMLs happen to people?" She said, "You'll be fine." I am writing this from the toilet. I am not fine. FML

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Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I got her pregnant and didn't own up to it. I wouldn't have blamed her if it didn't actually happen in her dream. FML

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Today, it's been 5 good months since I reconnected with a guy I've known since elementary. I have him on every social, he called me pretty, etc. We weren't ever together but he acted like my boyfriend. He stopped talking for a month, with messages every now and then, and now he has a girlfriend and doesn't talk to me. FML

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Today, I failed a basic intelligence test when the mouse trap I was setting up snapped on my thumb. Later, when I checked the trap I saw that the mouse had managed to lick all the bait off the trap without being caught, I have a sore thumb and was outsmarted by a rodent. FML

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