Animals Intimacy Nature is healing - FML

Nature is healing

squirrels69ing - 22/05/2011 01:00 - United States

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Oh hey how are you?

Shelly - 13/06/2011 02:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML

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Psycho

Anonymous - 12/10/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

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Road rage

notapetkiller - 26/07/2016 06:12 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog who had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML

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Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

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Anonymous - 29/03/2013 17:13 - United States - Lakeland

Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML

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Anonymous - 18/07/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML

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Make it stop, please

Anonymous - 27/09/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML

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Cute

eyesightfail - 21/11/2009 23:02 - United States

Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML

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Traumatized

Anonymous - 09/09/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, while I was driving I ran over a squirrel. It was in front of three little girls at their lemonade stand. FML

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ZZ - 30/06/2009 03:01 - Canada

Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML

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jewknowit710 2

Sunday 22 May 2011 9:19

some one is jealous that they arent getting any action... lol

aleclikestacos 8

Sunday 22 May 2011 9:19

you should have honked to save them from getting hit by another car and also to save you time.

DalekScythe 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 20:25

I think your girlfriend likes furry ****... >.

LittleAlyce 0

Monday 13 June 2011 11:32

haha how awkward. what would be worse, her commentating or the both of you sitting in total silence? haha.

irritatedone 5

Wednesday 24 August 2011 19:08

No way! Who stops their car just to let squirrels copulate?

amsftw 0

Saturday 15 October 2011 5:04

Apparently OP did....

bieberfreak18 0

Thursday 24 November 2011 22:33

Aaaakwaaaard...

babygirl83150 8

Saturday 17 March 2012 1:22

Love the username u picked!

Spades_Slick 3

Monday 23 April 2012 1:18

Your mom is a furry

fallenangel72 7

Sunday 12 August 2012 20:54

Dafuq did I just read

adelaz 0

Thursday 8 November 2012 5:00

Squirrel sex..

NewMetalGirl 14

Sunday 14 April 2013 8:16

Squirrel ****..

SnorlaxM8 4

Friday 4 October 2013 4:20

Five minutes? That's longer than most human males.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I put my hamster in his ball, and spent about an hour cleaning his cage. When I came back, I realized he wasn't even alive. FML

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Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

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Dating is so difficult these days...

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Today, in biology class, I kept seeing a fly or a mosquito buzzing past my face and I kept trying to swat at it… only to realize that it was a ceiling sprinkler that was about 10 feet away. I have no depth perception. FML

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Today, while my best friend's dad was dying, I raced to get her brother who I had never met. I had no idea how to make him feel better so I gave him a plastic glow-in-the-dark duck. I gave a grown man a trinket to try to make him feel better about his father dying. FML

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Today, I was house-sitting. A lady came to the door and demanded to know whose white car was in the drive. It was mine. She said she had video proof of me hitting her mailbox. I panicked, asked how much it was. She said $200. Later I checked my car. No damage. Impossible angle. I gave $200 to a strange old lady. With no proof. FML

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