Today, a drunk man opened the unlocked door to my house thinking it was his house. He tried to attack me because he thought I was a burglar. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode. I think the worst part is, I'll take what I can get. FML
Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML
Today, our house caught fire. While trying to help my mom get to safety, the word "fuck" accidentally escaped my mouth. Once we were safe, she said I was grounded for swearing. I'm 19. FML
Today, both my female flatmate and my gay male flatmate have got their boyfriends round. They've both stuck 'Do Not Disturb' signs on their bedroom doors and are both playing music which doesn't quite muffle the sounds of what they're up to. I haven't had a date in over six months. FML
Today, a homeless man bathed himself in the restroom at my coffee shop in West LA. He locked himself in there for a good twenty minutes. The lingering smell was so strong that my other coworker vomited. Thanks to what is apparently a relatively strong gag reflex, I got to clean up. FML
Today, my cat pissed in my zen garden. FML
the door should have been locked in the first place
I would suggest you lock your doors from now on. Otherwise who knows what might happen to you in the middle of the night. You live were again? *holds up map*