Sex, Painful Intimacy Life hacks

Life hacks

Zibby - 11/02/2011 05:51

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

10 492

80 918

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Toothy - 02/04/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

38 001

50 070

sexyfail - 26/01/2010 08:59 - Australia

Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process. FML

10 243

27 898

Nice outing

Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

2 474

791

Time consumed

unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

30 443

11 711

Surprisebuttsecks? - 07/12/2011 04:39 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML

41 349

7 428

Terminology

yummy - 30/05/2011 03:34 - United States

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

19 578

84 261

User manual

Drewzter - 11/01/2010 03:33 - United States

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

6 969

26 522

PerfectBoyfriend - 07/06/2016 16:38 - Belgium - Reet

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

16 434

1 922

Hummmmm

Anonymous - 28/08/2013 16:11 - United States - Spokane

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

56 172

10 546

Saucy

ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. Five seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

4 674

638

robc32ca 4

Friday 11 February 2011 12:08

washing is a better option

Jimboom 11

Friday 11 February 2011 12:14

Ha ha. I bet you think the idea of spicing up your sex life constitutes putting curry power on your penis.

brunette427 3

Saturday 12 February 2011 23:05

wtf? You're not even supposed to eat toothpaste... There are things you can buy for that purpose or try chocolate syrup and whiped crem.

ellaplease 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 8:21

i dont get it, whats wrong with toothpaste?

Jeebuss 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 9:20

You shud get a medal. Taking one for the team. Hey other guys reading.....now you know what Not to try. lmao

Xx4346xX 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 12:35

lol

davek 36

Sunday 13 February 2011 12:50

I've heard Bengay on your balls is pretty good too

milky953 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 14:36

were you trying to clean her teeth? because cum has 5-10% calcium in it so it good for your teeth... ( I don't know why I know that)

beachchick9498 5

Sunday 13 February 2011 15:01

what happens????

beachchick9498 5

Sunday 13 February 2011 15:02

what happens????

NPN_Scorpio 16

Sunday 13 February 2011 15:23

If you're both masochists: Tiger Balm! For S & M action: Xylocaine for whoever is top.

fylnotmine89 1

Sunday 13 February 2011 20:17

chocolate syrup is the best.... not only does it taste good but it requires more sucking to completely clean off.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, it was my first day at work as a cashier. I was so nervous that my whole body got numb and my eye sight completely blurred. I ran to the bathroom blind while bumping into everything in the store, making sure that everyone knew I had a problem. FML

27 218

7 557

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

27 501

9 628

Today, I was walking my dog when a car slowed down, and a guy leaned out of the window, then yelled, "Hey, nice dog!" Naturally, I turned to reply, "Thank you!" only to find that the guy had no intention of complimenting me at all. He had been talking to the dog the entire time. FML

377

230

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

25 835

3 920

Today, some guy woke me up at 5.30am by yelling outside my window. I opened the window and told him to knock it off before going back to bed. It took a good 3 minutes of his laughter before I realised I was naked and he got a close-up view of my breasts. FML

13 681

3 249

Today, I discovered a nail in the tire of my car and a nice sized crack on the screen of my phone. I didn't think the day could get worse, until on my way to fix my tire, the cherry of my cigarette fell off and burned a huge hole in my driver's seat. This was my day off. FML

843

1 391