Shopping Public freakouts Hey lady! Chill!

Hey lady! Chill!

Anonymous - 25/08/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Lawyer up

gnofin - - United States

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

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Pranks for all ages

atleastshelldiefirst - 13/10/2012 00:18 - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML

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anonymous22kittylicklick - 20/08/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML

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anon - 05/04/2017 04:00

Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML

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WTF is all I ask - 27/07/2012 23:55 - United States - Mcallen

Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML

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No money, mo' problems - 18/06/2013 22:01 - United States

Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML

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Smooth criminal

Anonymous - 28/04/2012 01:55 - United States - Darien

Today, I was walking down the street, when a little old lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML

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fuckit - 23/07/2016 06:52 - United States - American Fork

Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went over and helped her up. Instead of thanking me, she called me a pervert and slapped me around with her cane. FML

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Nutters Inc.

Anonymous - 16/04/2020 17:00

Today, I bumped into a lady, apologised and tried to continue on. She screamed assault and tried to citizen's arrest me. I've got better things to do, so I ignored her but she latched onto my leg like a toddler. I ended up dragging this insane woman up the street until she finally let go. FML

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Cool your jets, lady

all puked out - 13/07/2014 21:14 - Netherlands

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

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maurambie 9

Friday 26 August 2011 2:00

People who believe everyone is evil.

marinus_fml 19

Friday 26 August 2011 2:14

OP did ask him/herself that; along with everyone on fml, in the form of a rhetorical question.

16rrpass 0

Friday 26 August 2011 4:24

Ok...when you think about it...opening an umbrella in your ass would hurt so bad!

xrainbowshadowx 17

Friday 26 August 2011 4:34

This reminds me about Madagascar haha. But yes, that's a good question, what Has the world come to?

tinybear93 0

Friday 26 August 2011 4:44

lmao.

brooks10101 1

Friday 26 August 2011 5:00

Shoulda threw it like a football to teach her a lesson

sciencekidster1 8

Friday 26 August 2011 5:06

Ask her if I can use that line?

danbo659 0

Friday 26 August 2011 5:17

lmao im sorry but this is too funny! rofl where the hell did she get that unbrella line from!!!

TheLastChild 8

Friday 26 August 2011 5:17

Damn, that's a violent old lady. I was expecting her to smack you with her purse, but threatening an umbrella up your ass for being a good citizen? Wow.

mikelust1977 7

Friday 26 August 2011 5:18

old people should die

bibobobonnor 8

Friday 26 August 2011 5:26

I'm sorry but despite what I've heard of them doing I really can't stand people wishing anyone dead

ohmandapants 16

Friday 26 August 2011 5:22

Old people say the darndest things. I've heard of people threatening to shove things up people's asses...but opening an umbrella in there...that's new...she's got spunk and creativity for an old lady. I like her.