Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took a picture of it, then showed it to all my friends at my party, all while we were eating. FML
Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me from her parents' house where she is visiting. They were BBQing outside when out of the blue her childhood friend Adam showed up at the door for the BBQ. She asked her parents why he was there, and her dad replied that he "wants her to know that she has options." FML
Today, after months of unemployment, my only social interaction was with my postman. FML
Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML
Today, it's been so long since my fiancé and I have had sex I now apparently have dreams about all-night unprotected screwing marathons with George Bush. FML
Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML
A number two in the shape of a number two? Stepdad: FTW! What a flawless victory!
wow, thats just disgusting