Intimacy: Good catch

Good catch

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 597

You deserved it 91 049

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Same thing different taste

Parental advice

By ifeeldirty - 27/10/2011 12:22 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 138

You deserved it 8 918

Not a cheating!

By Notcheating - 03/12/2019 18:00

Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 294

You deserved it 492

By condom_kid - 27/07/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 422

You deserved it 73 618

Dad jokes!

By Chels - 11/05/2011 05:17 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 572

You deserved it 5 335

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 084

You deserved it 5 836

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 534

You deserved it 2 905

Code of silence

By nean83 - 12/01/2013 05:11 - United States - Inglewood

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 521

You deserved it 39 923

By NotSoComfortable - 17/12/2015 09:10 - Italy - Pontecchio Polesine

Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 857

You deserved it 2 433

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 254

You deserved it 4 260

By Anonymous - 21/02/2015 13:46

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 187

You deserved it 4 065

livewire1701 8

Friday 18 March 2011 8:08

Your dad is awesome!

YakuzaxGeneralz 9

Friday 18 March 2011 8:08

it's not like they were cemented to the table. stop being lazy and pick them up. youre not hiding a sex swing.

Comments

dubsweets 0

Friday 18 March 2011 21:56

what the he'll are you using condoms for. they suck

JGoD24 5

Friday 18 March 2011 21:57

Your dad is great!! haha

twilightfreak779 0

Friday 18 March 2011 22:00

lmfaoooo

maronofhearts 19

Friday 18 March 2011 22:48

I understand what you are trying to say but your phrasing is just so easy to mock - "doesn't mean OP wants to put her sex life on the table for everyone to know about." well apparently she does since her sex life WAS on the table and thus we have the premise for this whole fml.

khaya 9

Friday 18 March 2011 23:03

Your dad is the standard that all fathers should strive to achieve.

varkey 7

Friday 18 March 2011 23:28

hmm... well, i don't quite understand this it's like if someone took a dump in the toilet and left it unflushed, and if you subtly tried to flush it he said "i know you take *****, you're human, grow the f*** up retard" I mean, obviously you have sex, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't put the condoms away / obscure them when you have people over... I'm going to say YDI for leaving condoms out

slickrasta 1

Friday 18 March 2011 23:31

Your dad is right. Period.

NoOneLovesYou 13

Saturday 19 March 2011 0:50

I love it when people say "oh, you still use condoms?" as though marriage = wanting children. As it turns out, some of us don't want/aren't ready for children. Marrying someone doesn't mean you magically are financially stable enough or feel the need to have children. Anyway, YDI op, why are you just leaving condoms lying around? And out of the bedroom? No one wants to know about your apparently kinky sex life, and as an adult you should know to pick up after yourself, especially if expecting a guest.

joa76 3

Saturday 19 March 2011 0:58

I don't think they're assuming every married couple always wants children. They're assuming that all married women should be on the pill so they don't have to use a condom. And the majority probably do, but some people can't or won't, which is why it's a stupid assumption. I kind of have to question the idea that guys don't really feel anything with a condom, though. I'm pretty sure they still normally get off, so clearly they're feeling SOMETHING, even if it's not as good, and there are condoms that can make it feel even better (like the Fire & Ice ones, perhaps).

fieldhockyluva24 4

Saturday 19 March 2011 4:28

she might not have left them laying around on purpose. maybe she jsut got home from shopping where she bought the condoms and put everything else away but forgot about the condoms when her dad showed up. i don't know why everyone is assuming they were on the table because she just had sex on the table. unless of course they were used which is pretty gross.