Miscellaneous: Call the cops

Call the cops

By pleasekillme - 19/04/2013 11:44 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, it's been over three months since my housemates ended their one month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 150

You deserved it 4 471

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Same thing different taste

Suspicious activity

By Anonymous - 17/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, it's been two weeks since one of my roommates moved out. Despite me telling the postal service he no longer lives here, they're still knocking on my door almost every day with urgent letters addressed to him. I have no idea where he lives now, and am wondering what the fuck he was up to here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 77

Man cave

By Anonymous - 04/10/2023 04:00

Today, it's been about two months since I made my husband sleep in the spare room after an argument. I invited him back to our room after two nights but he refused. Since then he’s moved a TV, Xbox, fridge and new armchair into the spare room, and put a lock on the door only he has a key for. I’ve barely seen him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 2 014

By Anonymous - 25/02/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of over a year is so obsessed with cleaning his entire place before I come over. He's been hiding the ex-girlfriend who never moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 443

You deserved it 2 894

Get out of there, fast

By LeaveMeAlone - 23/02/2021 22:56

Today, I went on a date with a really cute guy. Things were going great, so we went to his place. While he was in the bathroom, I absentmindedly looked around his apartment. Unfortunately, his living room cupboard was half open, and I saw a shrine of pictures of me. Apparently, he's been stalking me for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 751

You deserved it 137

By screwedhousemate - 28/03/2011 11:52 - United Kingdom

Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 937

You deserved it 4 283

By Anonymous - 22/07/2016 22:01

Today, my roommate's boyfriend professed his love to me. I kicked him out, and he stood outside the door calling my name until he saw my roommate coming down the hall. They both came in and he acted like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 023

You deserved it 1 136

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Hyde Park

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 197

You deserved it 1 732

Sort yourselves out

By Anonymous - 01/07/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 101

Yikes

By Charles Pennington - 22/11/2011 11:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my new roommate got kicked out of his old house because he pulled a gun on his old roommates and threatened them. The reason? They nagged him about dishes he left in the sink. Well, only 10 months left on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 891

You deserved it 3 375

Unrequited and stuck

By Anonymous - 19/05/2020 02:00

Today, I'm crushing so hard on my male roommate that I've basically become a doormat for him. Meanwhile, he's on the phone for hours with the pretty girl he met over Tinder. I feel pathetic, stupid and jealous, which I have no right to be. Worst part, we're still quarantined together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 783

datoismyname 22

Friday 19 April 2013 18:43

I think it's time for you to move.

Zebediabolical 40

Friday 19 April 2013 18:43

Call the police. Nothing good is going to come out of letting this slide.

Comments

The_F3rris 11

Saturday 20 April 2013 16:11

Three's Company gone wrong.

chuckcloninger 12

Sunday 21 April 2013 3:08

Call the cops together and get him outta there, get a restraining order to keep him out and pick up a third (female) roomie to help with the rent.

WhatsYOURname6 25

Sunday 21 April 2013 4:51

Wtf was he planning on doing?! I suggest you start looking for a new place to live asap. This guy is dangerous.

xgetxbentx 13

Sunday 21 April 2013 6:07

Get a restraining order?

mattyiscool123 26

Sunday 21 April 2013 19:31

Ok tell me where you are and I will kill you like you asked

lotrgeek 10

Monday 22 April 2013 21:16

Holly? Is that you?? Lol!! This happened to me.. I had to move to get away from him!

MissAnnThropelb1 2

Friday 26 April 2013 23:55

Woooah.... That's a plus infinity on the creep factor scale. Both of u get out of there before u get hurt. :(

lancer_elite14 5

Sunday 9 June 2013 6:28

Kick him out

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The Top

Today, the crazy cat lady who lives next to me lost one of her cats. She sat outside with a whistle at 6:00 this morning and continued to blow her whistle for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 928

You deserved it 2 726

Today, I got into an online debate about reproductive rights, healthcare, gun laws, and education in the US, all in one thread. Someone told me, “This is the greatest country in the world.” I asked, “Based on what?” He blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 295

Today, I finally get to go home after a 16 day training event in Colorado. The plane has been sitting in the runway for over three hours due to lightning storms and we're not allowed to leave. We've spent more time on the ground waiting than the flight itself would take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 645

You deserved it 3 280

Today, I failed my driving test. Zero minor errors, one major fault. The fault was me thinking the road was one-way, positioned my car on the right lane to turn right, only to find out I was in the lane of oncoming traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 1 140

Today, severely tired and pulling an all-nighter, I was editing documents at work. Eventually the words blurred together and "which" began to look funny, so I corrected them. I realized too late that I'd turned in the company's brochure with every "which" spelt as "witch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 988

You deserved it 28 811

Today, while standing by the kitchen window I noticed a mouse running across our lawn on top of the snow. I called my two daughters to come see it, but by the time they got to the window a hawk was shredding the poor thing to pieces. My kids didn't stop crying for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 712

You deserved it 6 699

Same thing different taste

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