Love, Family, Dad jokes Cute Butt of the dad joke - FML

Butt of the dad joke

Anonymous - 05/09/2024 22:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at a family dinner, my grandma asked me why I’m still single. Before I could answer, my dad, always ready with dad joke, quipped, "Because everyone he tries to date runs away faster than he can catch them." My family laughed, and my grandma just nodded and said, "Makes sense." FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

It's all balls to me

anonymous - 01/12/2016 16:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML

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Close knit

Anonymous - 01/03/2025 09:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a family gathering when my aunt drunkenly confessed that she had once dated my dad in high school. Everyone laughed, thinking it was a joke. I didn’t laugh. I just stared at her for 10 minutes, processing how our family tree had now become a circle. FML

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Loveless

loveless - 18/02/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, my grandma called me to tell me that a couple of cute boys stopped by her house to borrow something. She told them all about me, and that I would be interested in them. My love life is so pathetic, even my grandmother is trying to hook me up. FML

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Relationship specialist

Anonymous - 16/10/2023 13:00

Today, I attended a family reunion, during which my grandma gave me "relationship advice" in front of everyone. She's been married five times, and her longest marriage lasted a whole 6 months. FML

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Many such cases

Anonymous - 02/12/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandma told me that if she was a braver person, she would've actually have split up with grandad on their second date, but she was afraid of being alone so she married him instead and had a bunch of kids she never actually wanted. Wow. FML

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The gays

kolgate - 15/02/2012 10:12 - United States

Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentine's Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML

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carebear1228 - 01/07/2014 17:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML

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Let her have her fun

WHY GRANDMA - 17/06/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, I was at a restaurant with my grandma. A young, ripped gentleman suddenly walked through the door and my grandma looked at him and shouted, "Look! Eye candy!" as loud as she could. He heard it and was extremely embarrassed. To make it worse, my grandma is a widow, so she might have actually meant it. FML

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Forever alone

Anonymous - - Canada

Today, I was at a family get together with distant relatives. My grandma made a point to say how all of the grandkids brought their boyfriends or girlfriends. She looked at me, then turned to everyone and said, "But not our Becky! She's more interested in her cats right now than finding a man." FML

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bxjxj - 22/12/2014 18:40 - United States

Today, I asked my grandpa why he spoils me so much. He told me it's because he truly believes no one else will ever want to. FML

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Chazzster 29

Friday 6 September 2024 21:00

Sometimes humor is the best deflection for a too-personal a question. It’s certainly not the worst thing Dad could have said…

Chazzster 29

Friday 6 September 2024 21:00

Sometimes humor is the best deflection for a too-personal a question. It’s certainly not the worst thing Dad could have said…

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I texted a close friend, who has the same first name as a coworker with the same first name, spelled one letter off. Both saved by first name only in my contacts. I ended up telling my coworker about the great value of my marijuana purchase. My company has a zero tolerance policy for marijuana. FML

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Today, I forgot to log out of my Facebook account before leaving for work. When I got back home, I discovered that my brother had gone through and commented "quack" on all my friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleased. FML

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Today, I got yelled at for not taking an order correctly at work. I've been washing dishes all day and haven't taken a single order. FML

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Today, I was babysitting my younger brother while my parents were away. I turned my back on my brother for one minute and then I heard a huge crash from their room. He had somehow destroyed a family heirloom and 200 year-old clock. FML

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Today, I found out that last summer while my girlfriend worked on a Disney Cruise ship, she cheated on me with Tarzan. FML

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Today, my mom is upset that she can't get a date, but my dad can. This is the woman who doesn't shower, has a drug problem, and was arrested for spying on a local kindergartener. She was the one who demanded a polyamorous relationship. FML

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