Nearly FML

By Shawnie Gallant - 16/09/2018 05:53

Today, my fiancé and I went to pick my sister up from the city. She hasn’t seen our family in ages. We had a visit with my mother, who likes to drink. My sister took this as a great opportunity to get drunk, and has painted our rental in vomit. FML

agreeclassic 56

vote type 1 2

By Anonymous - 16/09/2018 03:48

Today, I learned that the girl I had been dating for 5 months had been hooking up with her ex several times a week. She told me over the phone, followed by her saying that she wasn't interested in me, she and her ex were officially back together, and that she no longer wanted to see me. FML

agreeclassic 68

vote type 1 4

By Mona_Girl - 16/09/2018 02:19

Today I have accidentally seen how disgustingly large my father's package is. When I shared what I saw with my aunt (mom's sister) she simply said, "Yeah. Why do you think we call him Big Ed?" It was at that point I realized why my dad gets so mad when I call him Big Daddy. FML

agreeclassic 67

vote type 1 17

By oh-when-the-gangbanged-goes-marching-on - 15/09/2018 19:56

Today, I called in sick. Later I rang a live radio show to talk about the theme of the day: sex. They rang me back so I shared about my swinger's life. I used both my landline and my cell but got a little mixed up. Somehow the line called my boss too. He heard all about my loving fun in groups. FML

agreeclassic 34

vote type 1 64

By WhatDid I Do???? - 15/09/2018 13:14 - United States - Estero

Today, I won the trifecta. No, not at the races, but the trifecta of having months of work destroyed in a computer crash, finding I'll have to take custody of my brother's child, and finding the nice ring I bought to console myself with vanish from the mail. Well played, universe. Well played. FML

agreeclassic 65

vote type 1 6

By "Cano_johana" - 15/09/2018 10:10

Today, was smiling at a cute guy sitting in a working truck, he caught me and his response gave me a frown and put up his tinted window. FML

agreeclassic 51

vote type 1 6

By Safarigirl15 - 15/09/2018 00:31

Today, while having sex my boyfriend wanted to try erotic asphyxiation on me, so I said yes, I passed out for about 4 minutes and remember waking up to my boyfriend on top of me, let's just say his broken nose and my bruised forehead call for never doing that again, FML...

agreeclassic 48

vote type 1 25

By Linda Mau - 14/09/2018 20:10

Today, I decided it would be a good day to sleep in. My 8 month old that has been sleeping through the night and until 9 am decided to get up at 2 a.m., 4 a.m., and again at 6 a.m. and not go back to sleep. His 3 year old brother just decided to cannonball into clean clothes. FML

agreeclassic 52

vote type 1 4

By bad at math - 14/09/2018 13:51 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my math teacher had to call me because my grade is so bad. It's only the second week of school. FML

agreeclassic 2 725

vote type 1 920

Alaina Heuerman app_comment_confession_title

Alaina Heuerman 20

Friday 14 September 2018 6:50

Soooo uh this was mine, but! I DID IT! I went from an F to a B! I’m not failing!

By anon - 14/09/2018 05:39

Today, I got fired for working after hours.... for free, to make sure the business had enough baked goods to sell! Owner says this makes me “untrustworthy”?!? WTF!! FML

agreeclassic 66

vote type 1 7

By Corisaur - 14/09/2018 04:58

Today, while on campus, the driver of a pretty white Prius took it upon themselves to park next to me on the outskirts of the parking lot and give my car its first dent. I’ve only had it for 2 months. FML

agreeclassic 56

vote type 1 2

By Arachnophobia - 13/09/2018 22:49 - Canada - L'assomption

Today, I was driving home when a spider crawled on my windshield right in front of my face. I am extremely afraid of spiders, so I tried to get it off with my wipers. It didn't work, because it was in my car. FML

agreeclassic 61

vote type 1 4

By N7 SOILDER - 14/09/2018 02:18

Today, at work a person admitted to the ER, nothing out of the norm right? nope, said person was drunk & high, who decided to get violent with the staff keeping him alive. it was my job to grab him and get him back to his bed & restrain him, only to be told after that he has scabies. FML

agreeclassic 70

vote type 1 1

By "hcditfi5foygy" - 13/09/2018 23:18

Today, I was at an outdoor concert. I had the shits, so I ran to the nearest port-toilet. I apparently took so long that the teens outside thought nobody was in it, and tipped it over to make sure. When they saw me, they ran off. They didn't even put it back upright. FML

agreeclassic 67

vote type 1 5

By Glass couldn't handle dat ass - 13/09/2018 23:00

Today, my cat was sitting on the living room table (which has a glass top or should I say had) because as soon as I sat on the table to pet my cat the glass broke into multiple pieces underneath my ass. FML.

agreeclassic 26

vote type 1 103

By Anonymous - 13/09/2018 13:57 - United States - Pell City

Today, I was informed that I’m not allowed to lock my bedroom door to keep my ex out. He has a history of stealing/hiding personal belongings, touching me inappropriately while I sleep, and going through my phone/journal. FML

agreeclassic 87

vote type 1 8

By etr - 13/09/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, I got home from school and my mom grabbed me by the shirt, completely unprovoked, and threatened to make my life a living hell if she finds out I'm not changing my pad at school. I have no idea where that came from. I change it regularly. FML

agreeclassic 2 537

vote type 1 123

By Anonymous - 13/09/2018 20:30

Today, my boss yelled at everybody, saying everyone would be fired and a whole new staff would be hired because of a computer error we had no control over. But, you know, we're all dumb and it's our fault. FML

agreeclassic 2 370

vote type 1 139

By bantaray - 13/09/2018 11:20 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I woke up late and was rushing to get ready for work. When it came to brushing my teeth, I used diaper rash cream instead of toothpaste... FML

agreeclassic 55

vote type 1 15

By NarcissisticFolks - 13/09/2018 19:01 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today my mother insisted I apologize to my father. I haven't spoken to either of them for 2 weeks because my father shouted at me, blaming me for the government raising taxes while my mother demanded I stop defending myself against his tirade. FML.

agreeclassic 76

vote type 1 2

By Fins&Fluff - 13/09/2018 05:55

Today, I got drunk after work and told my manager about how I had a 3-way on my 20th birthday. FML

agreeclassic 27

vote type 1 58

By Whatswrongwithme - 12/09/2018 22:17 - United States - Birmingham

Today, despite using prescription creams and talking to more than one doctor, my legs will not stop itching. I can't get in to see the dermatologist until next month, and am currently lying in bed with both legs so raw I had to wrap them up in gauze and surgical tape. They still itch. FML.

agreeclassic 45

vote type 1 2

By In Mourning - 13/09/2018 02:24

Today, I discovered my husband is a sensitive man. He burst into tears when he learned his sister’s eight year old dog died. I guess he was more choked up about a pet than a person. My Nonna’s funeral was Today; I went alone and have been crying for days. He barely acknowledged it. FML

agreeclassic 69

vote type 1 4

By Coffee - 13/09/2018 02:03

Today, I learned to never drink coffee on an empty stomach. Why? Because the combination of an empty stomach and strong coffee, makes a horrendous sound that made half the class to turn their head towards me. The look of disgust from the classmates haunt me. FML

agreeclassic 44

vote type 1 7

By Anonymous - 12/09/2018 23:34

Today, I received a call to let me know I was not selected for the position I've had interviews for more than a month, and also that my girlfriend who I referred to the job got the position and is now flying to Budapest for her training with some dude. I still have no job offers not even close. FML.

agreeclassic 58

vote type 1 5

By Anonymous - 12/09/2018 18:45 - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today I had it confirmed by DNA testing that 2 out of my 4 kids are not mine. Damn divorce attorneys are so expensive FML

agreeclassic 82

vote type 1 1

By Zee - 12/09/2018 16:29

Today, I decided to cook a meal for the first time in 5 weeks as I've been too busy to cook, I made my favourite meal to treat myself. I've since not been able to stop vomiting. FML

agreeclassic 49

vote type 1 5

By Hazel Eyes - 12/09/2018 14:55

Today, I walked into work with a bit of a stomach cramp. I came over to my boss who hugged me a little too tight and I let out a huge wet fart that was hot as hell. As she backed away slowly I was standing there mortified. Let’s just say hugs are done now. FML

agreeclassic 73

vote type 1 2

By LovelyLady831 - 12/09/2018 08:25

Today, I had an interview for a job that seemed very promising. After staying up all night; worried about the interview, I overslept. I called to reschedule or set up a phone interview on that day. If the manager ever called me, I wouldn’t know it BC my cell phone service was cut for non payment, FML

agreeclassic 40

vote type 1 45

By Anonymous - 12/09/2018 07:18

Today, after dropping almost $300 on new tires, I came out to find someone busted my window. There goes my savings. Fml

agreeclassic 59

vote type 1 2

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Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

agreeclassic 21 891

vote type 1 41 415

Today, I lost my job because I fell victim to an incredibly complex phone scam. The hackers didn't get anything, but now I don't know what's worse - I can't afford to feed my kids, or I can't afford my chemotherapy for my my terminal cancer. FML

agreeclassic 1 200

vote type 1 215

Today, while working at the vet, we had a familiar little dog show up for a minor procedure. The dog always sits on its owner's lap on the drive over, and always gets peed on. Not talking about dog pee. And we're not allowed to bathe it because that service costs extra. FML

agreeclassic 4 838

vote type 1 376

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me by testing myself for STIs/STDs and got a positive result for chlamydia. FML

agreeclassic 682

vote type 1 99

Today, I realized I was getting a bit chubbier than usual. I decided to go for a little jog to stay in shape. Little did I know, my neighbors that just moved in brought along with them, a fully grown German Shepherd. Not tamed. My "jog" quickly turned into a "sprint for my life". FML

agreeclassic 30 247

vote type 1 3 055

Today, my girlfriend will only speak to me using Lady Gaga lyrics. FML

agreeclassic 37 669

vote type 1 5 710