Your everyday life stories

Nooker - 07/04/2016 13:54 - Israel

Today, I got so used to reading on my e-reader that, while reading the newspaper, I tried to highlight a word with my finger to see its definition. FML

Anonymous - 07/04/2016 12:57 - Australia - Lutwyche

Today, the lovely young gentleman sitting behind me on the bus, decided that the best place to dispose of his chewing gum was in my hair. Pixie cut here I come! FML

hater of life - 07/04/2016 12:52 - United States - Arvada

Today, I went to this huge concert with my band group. Later my teacher told me to get rid of my wheel chair so we don't get points off. FML.

darren - 07/04/2016 12:48 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, my son asked me if I wouldn't mind dying soon, because when his friend from school lost his dad his mum bought him an Xbox one and a bunch of games so he would stop crying. Apparently my son really wants an Xbox, more than he wants me to stay alive. FML

doemetoch - 07/04/2016 12:46 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I had to accompany my boyfriend to the ER for a sex-related injury. The ER of the hospital I work at. FML

PackardBell - 07/04/2016 12:45 - United States

Today, I woke up from my nap during class. Except it was Saturday, nobody was in the building, and the security system was armed. FML

whaaaST - 07/04/2016 12:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, was my first time going to a strip club with my friends. And there was this really loud woman at the corner. It was my mom. FML

anonymous - 07/04/2016 12:36 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I was in my room masturbating with my earphones in. My mum who I did not know was home suddenly came in with the vacuum cleaner. I had no idea she liked to clean the house naked. And yes she came in just as I was cumming and we both saw EVERYTHING there was to see. FML

Anonymous - 07/04/2016 11:56 - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, I woke up to another of my many episodes of sleep paralysis. As I was hallucinating I saw and felt my cat throwing up on my neck. When I could move again I realised I was not hallucinating and my cat had just thrown up on my neck. FML

Anonymous - 07/04/2016 11:56 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I am at work less than 36 hours after having surgery. Apparently, a miscarriage and the resulting ailments don't warrant more than one day off. FML.

Gary - 07/04/2016 11:41 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, ever since my girlfriend dyed her hair pink and styled it into spikes she looks so much like Natsu from Fairy Tail that I can't maintain a boner during sex cause it's so surreal I feel like I'm trying to fuck a (male) anime character. FML

Will Smith - 07/04/2016 11:37 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I stepped on a LEGO and accidentally kicked my baby cousin in the teeth from the shock. I'm currently awaiting trial, because my aunt is pissed. Thanks, fucking LEGO. FML.

"He's just a friend" - 07/04/2016 11:31 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I pulled over a nice, red Eclipse. The driver was a slender man in his mid thirties with dark hair and a nice jaw. The passenger was my drunk, flushed-faced now soon-to-be ex wife

Ankitasame - 07/04/2016 11:09 - Bangladesh - Dhaka

Today, when I went to submit my leave application to my boss, I learnt that he's already gone on leave for the next fortnight. FML.

RealProblems - 07/04/2016 11:00 - Belgium

Today, I had to calm down a girl who was having an actual panic attack about using a public toilet. Meanwhile, I'm here in constant distress about failing my thesis, getting thrown out by my folks, and having to pay for everything by myself with no job. Also, not on the floor in fetal position. FML

oh no. - 07/04/2016 10:48 - United Kingdom - Lancaster

Today, I finally slept with the girl I've been crazy about for ages. We were both really drunk. When we woke up in the morning she starts asking me advice about this guy she's really into, then doesn't seem to want to let me leave... FML

Anonymous - 07/04/2016 10:26 - United States - New York

Today my unrmployrd boyfriend woke me up at 4am by shining his iPhone flashlight in my eyes to see if I was up. Then he decided that since I was "already awake we should have sex" and pestered me for two hours. I have a 13 hour workday starting at 7am. FML.

p4nd4p13 - 07/04/2016 10:23 - United Kingdom - Oldham

Today, I found my laptop had died after falling asleep leaving it on last night. I put it on charge on the train and turned it on to get some work done, and the porn resumed... FML

Idiot - 07/04/2016 10:06 - United Kingdom - Sunderland

Today is my birthday, I've just been dumped by my girlfriend and my friends have decided to have a birthday party for me but haven't actually invited me.... FML

Miss_Chevious - 07/04/2016 09:54 - Pakistan

Today, like most other days, I woke to the words "Why don't you just die already?" from my aggressive mother. Good morning to you too. FML

theonethatgotaway - 07/04/2016 08:47

Today, the girl I've had a crush on since I was 12 told me that she has always felt the same. My wedding day is tomorrow. FML

spearcom - 07/04/2016 08:36 - United States - South Lake Tahoe

Today, I learned that the girl I've been dating for a while now has a twin brother. And tonight while getting intimate, I failed at getting it up because I can't stop seeing his face on hers. This is gonna be hard to get thru. FML

anonymous - 07/04/2016 08:14 - United States - Castaic

Today, my mom took my car, but I left my weed in there and she doesn't know I smoke when she came back I checked my car to see if it was still there. It wasn't and when I went inside I found my mom with bloodshot eyes and she said "I smoked all your weed" while eating a bag of chips. FML

Anonymous - 07/04/2016 08:02 - United States - Maspeth

Today, I learned that everyone knew about my secret girlfriend. Except for me. FML

lampostWarlord - 07/04/2016 07:38 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I can't look at my fiancé while we're getting really hot and heavy because of the face he makes. It's the same face he makes when he has to take a dump. FML.

Threaty - 07/04/2016 07:34 - Australia - Bracken Ridge

Today, I was cleaning tables in our closed-off dining area where I work.. couldn't help but notice the used condom stuck underneath one of the tables I'm supposed to "clean"... FML.

aplashlove - 07/04/2016 07:14 - United States - Greenbrier

Today, during sex, my boyfriend asked me to talk about how long, and thick........his eyelashes were in order to climax. FML

Jesstanothergurl - 07/04/2016 07:01 - Canada - Kingston

Today, my housemate lit our kitchen floor on fire. Apparently, if you leave a pot heating up on the stove without any liquid in it, and then leave it unattended for an hour, it might heat up to a point where it liquifies, drips on to the floor, and completely destroys the hardwood... FML

finalyearstudentmeetsfresher - 07/04/2016 06:59 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, after I shut down a party of my flatmate at 6 am by calling residence security, I talked to my flatmate in the afternoon about the party- and stealing/ looking into other people's stuff-issue. While I was talking, he started singing the song he was listening to on the phone. FML

SpyroMello - 07/04/2016 06:51 - United States - Seattle

Today, I drove my mom to the mall. When we got home I realized I no longer had my permit in my pocket. My parents reaction? "This is why girls use purses." Apparently pockets aren't meant for girls to hold things in.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML

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Today, I discovered that just because I get unwanted erections on an hourly basis throughout the day, it doesn't mean that I can get required erections in the night. FML

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Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML

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Today, I dreamt of my mom. She came over to me, and said, "Hey, I'm alright, the doctors were wrong." My mom died 4 months ago due to Covid-19 complications, and waking up shouldn't be so painful. FML

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Today, my dog acted out a scene from Disney with me, by causing me and a member of the opposite sex to fall into a river after tangling our legs with the lead. No, it didn't lead to marriage, just me being yelled at. FML

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Today, I’m bisexual and recently got into talking with a man after dumping my girlfriend. I had a “craving” for a man and when I went to fulfill my needs, it wasn't even two inches long. FML

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