Religion

I want Jesus to come inside my heart

By Weirdo - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 954

You deserved it 40 914

Believe me!

By DieuEstUnHomme - 03/02/2016 15:44 - France - Reims

Today, while on the tramway with my friend, we ended up discussing religion. When we started talking about God, some guy asked us, in a serious tone, to "stop talking about me" because it was really starting to bother him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 765

You deserved it 2 480

Jesus wept

By Anonymous - 11/12/2021 02:01

Today, my mom threatened to kick me out for asking if I could skip church for the next few weeks, because, you know, I have Covid and have been told to isolate for ten days, which obviously includes two Sundays. The woman would rather I infect her congregation than let me stay in bed while sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 148

Y'all need him!

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to tell my mom to stop sending pictures of Jesus to my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 857

You deserved it 3 534

Evil always wins

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 20:01

Today, I was in the Walmart parking lot listening to some music in my car and some lady comes up to me and say, “Boy, the music you listen to is so unholy, I think you need some Jesus in your life.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 341

That old switcheroo

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is a Mormon, when his mother greeted me saying how happy she was her son had found himself a Mormon girlfriend. I know nothing about Mormonism, except from what I've seen on South Park, and I'm an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 597

You deserved it 6 554

What a waste

By never be the same - 21/07/2022 19:00 - United States

Today, I realized just how much of my life I’ve wasted. I was always raised with the “What will people think?” ideology by religious zealots. The anxiety it gave me influenced everything from what I wore, to where I went, even what I studied in school. I wish I’d been strong enough to be myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 222

True believer

By No Prayer for Fools - 24/04/2025 09:00 - Philippines - Paranaque City

Today, my mom nagged us to biblical levels to prepare and repent for "The Big One", which is a magnitude 10 earthquake that will happen anytime today until June 10, 3:16am. She claims it was predicted by a Holy Force sent by God himself. Who? Some idiot TicToker who asks Alexa future predictions, mainly disasters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 72

Sinning is winning

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 18:01

Today, I came home early from work and walked in on my husband in bed with his two young female "bible study students" from his church. Now I remember why he explicitly said to never interrupt his, "Sunday School Studies" with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 128

Wingnuts

By Anonymous - 22/06/2022 10:00

Today, thanks to an electric shock, I technically died for about 50 seconds until my coworker managed to restart my heart. Now my deeply religious aunt and uncle pester me constantly, demanding to know if I met God or saw a white light, or the fires of hell. They’re absolutely fucking relentless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 935

Born again

By lordoftheweird - 03/11/2023 09:00 - Canada

Today, my dad bought a Bible. He's completely illiterate and is basing his religious beliefs off people on TV saying "It's in the Bible." I miss bacon and am tired of explaining to people that he's an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 114

By Bad Uncle - 13/05/2018 19:00

Today, I came home to my mother, wife, sister, and certain family members cussing me out. My daughter and niece told them that I took them to visit and pray at The Church of Satan. Girls! It's The Church of Saint Anne! FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 379

You deserved it 462

Promise

By thiswouldhappen. - 17/03/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one-year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear I would wait until marriage. Four hours later, he walked in on us having sex in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 715

You deserved it 265 891

Barbara Cartland epic

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 19:00

Today, according to my wife, if we hadn’t gotten drunk and pregnant on the first date, she never would've chosen me to be her husband, as I’m not her type, not even close, and that frankly I’m lucky her Catholic upbringing was the only thing that stopped her having multiple affairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 188

Slight overreaction?

By Anonymous - 19/03/2020 07:37

Today, my husband and I recently decided not to have kids, because neither of us like children. Learning this, my dad wrote me out of his will and my mother swore on the Bible in church that she’s never going to speak to me again until I obey God's word and start multiplying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 468

You deserved it 296

Oddball

By Iwtumn - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Austria - Deutschlandsberg

Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 489

You deserved it 7 350

Forgive me

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the Crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 791

You deserved it 4 330

What if God was one of us?

By This is why people are abandoning religion. - 05/03/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, my parents have been slowly coming closer to figuring out that I'm an atheist. They've stated to me and my siblings since we were old enough to think independently that if any of us turned out to be atheists, they'd disown us. I'm not sure what to do here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 194

Darth Bore

By Jace - 19/08/2011 22:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my Catholic girlfriend home to meet my family for the first time. My brother thought it would be civil to spend over an hour insulting her religion and explaining in detail the many ways in which "the Force" is superior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 518

You deserved it 5 728

Reminder

By Sigh - 13/09/2009 12:42 - Australia

Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 749

You deserved it 3 522

Repent!

By Mauro - 22/03/2022 16:00

Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 317

You deserved it 354

Witches Brew

By Hellassi - 09/07/2021 00:01

Today, my stepmom burned all my Harry Potter stuff. Apparently, Harry Potter is the "Devil’s plan to corrupt good Christian children" and "That shit is make believe anyway." What did my dad ever see in this evil witch? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 353

You deserved it 146

By kdgirl - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my grandmother gave me rosary beads for my birthday. She told me I'd better start praying for a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 881

You deserved it 3 230

Charity case

By PrayingForMoney - 25/03/2013 08:48 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, religion doesn't pay for my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 771

You deserved it 6 482

Proselytism

By Anonymous - 30/05/2022 12:00 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, it's the third day that I've been ghosted by a Christian boy who's still a virgin. Don’t get me wrong, I think that’s cute, and I liked him a lot. I’m just confused because he asked me out to church last week. He’s really sweet, but maybe he was just trying to convert me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 203

"Tubular Bells" starts playing…

By Anonymous - 16/07/2021 22:01

Today, my husband is terminal and insisted on making his last confession. Long story short, the priest came out pale and sweating and told me, in no uncertain terms, that my husband is definitely going to Hell, but won’t tell me why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 115

Meanwhile, in Westboro…

By maconda99 - 06/04/2009 03:14 - United States

Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looked at my nametag, then me, then turned to her daughter and said, "Because he hates God, honey". FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 075

You deserved it 5 206

Please forgive me

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 23:49 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend prays before and after sex, because he thinks he'll keep his abstinence by doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 450

You deserved it 4 924

Deity business

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 23:00

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years donated his promise ring at the temple for it to be used to construct the idol's feet. The problem is that I made that ring for him from scratch and he didn’t even have it for 2 months. He was excited when he told me, and doesn’t understand why I’m upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 165

Going too fast

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 12:00

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to get married and have kids soon. She had a fit. Apparently it's creepy and freakish for a man to want a family, and it means I'm secretly a crazy religious fundamentalist. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 164

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The Top

Today my boyfriend proposed to me and I gladly accepted. The first words out of his mouth after getting off his knees were, "I own you now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 584

You deserved it 1 375

Today, I woke up and remembered that I'm in law school. Now, I'm about to go to sleep, and I'm still in law school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 1 022

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams, "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants, and, while chasing after her, yells, "Baby, she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 548

You deserved it 7 321

Today, I sent an important email to my entire team, but I accidentally left a shopping list as the subject line. They responded with grocery items they needed. Nobody mentioned the email content. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 688

Today, I thought about trying something "new", so I put raspberry preserves and maple syrup on my waffles. It tasted like cough medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 461

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 393

You deserved it 3 063