Love

Not that into you

Anonymous - 27/06/2023 12:00

Today, my girlfriend won’t give me oral because she doesn't like pubes, so I trimmed them; she refused again because they felt prickly, so I waxed them. Now she says I look like a little boy. If she doesn’t want to suck cock, why won’t she just say so instead of hinting she might if I shaved? FML

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White lie

Anonymous - 27/06/2023 06:00 - Sweden - Varberg

Today, I went to prom with my two friends. I was ditched by my prom date because he had “other plans.” The weird thing is that when we got to the prom location, I saw him with another date. FML

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Circular

Anonymous - 26/06/2023 03:00

Today, my boyfriend of one year broke up with me a week before my prom because he found out that he liked my best friend instead. However, she likes someone else anyways, so were now both left brokenhearted. FML

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Peaced out

tappedants - 25/06/2023 17:02 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, a huge family crisis happened, with an abusive DIL, traumatized 10 year-old grandson, and bit-up, scratched-up son. Son and grandson had to flee their home. My husband (their step-dad for 43 years) announced he's going to play golf. Not his kid and grandkid, so why stick around and be supportive? FML

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Time to tap out

Staying single - 25/06/2023 13:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my girlfriend asked why we weren't married yet. I guess I don't find her alcoholism, lack of income, constant insults, references to cheating, and general entitlement behaviour very wifey material. FML

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How could you?

I hate my life - 25/06/2023 18:00

Today, I found out my ex-fiance and the girl he cheated on me with are expecting. It’s bad enough he jilted me at the altar four months ago, but the fact that they’re naming their son the same name I wanted to name my miscarried son pours lemon juice in the wound. FML

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Thanks for nothing

BrittanyP - 25/06/2023 12:00

Today, after being so jaded by failed relationships, I'd given a guy who slid into my Facebook Messenger a chance. We'd entered the talking stage, only to be told four months later that he’s found a girlfriend, and no longer wants to continue this interaction and blocked me. FML

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Joe Smooth

Anonymous - - United States - Hebron

Today, I went on my first date. Everything went great until I went to brush my date's hair over her ear like they do in the movies. I poked her dead in the eye. FML

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Avoidance

Anonymous - 25/06/2023 00:02

Today, we got back from vacation. In the lead up to our vacation, my girlfriend talked excitedly about all the sex we could have. When we got to the hotel, I heard, "I can't be comfortable, what if they hear us in the hall?" After we got home, first thing was, "I want to deep clean the bedroom, sex can wait." FML

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Not funny

Not laughing - 24/06/2023 13:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I had to, again, explain to my girlfriend that her jokes about her cheating on me are not funny in any form. Not just because of the topic, but also that she actually has cheated me. FML

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Get out clause

lanz4949 - - Canada - Calgary

Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

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Suit yourself

Anonymous - 24/06/2023 03:00 - Germany

Today, I offered my boyfriend medicine which is quite likely to help with his pollen allergy and other health problems, free of charge, and without side effects. I also pointed out an easy fix to keep the pollen out of his apartment. He said, “No thanks” to both, and just kept on complaining. FML

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Dominance

Anonymous - 24/06/2023 00:02

Today, I have accepted that if I try to spend time with my girlfriend, she will come up with any excuse to avoid me, but when I want to do something by myself, she will be at my elbow every ten seconds, loudly whining that she wants to spend time together and that I'm mean. Talking has yet to fix anything. FML

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Crushed

Marea90h - 23/06/2023 22:00

Today, I realized that I kinda have a crush on my sister-in-law. Mind you I'm a woman and her boyfriend of 5 years is my fiancé's brother. FML

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Cliché

MoaRcofuzed - 23/06/2023 12:00

Today, after 5 years of dating and not even so much as a hint of a ring on the horizon, I asked my boyfriend why he hasn’t proposed yet. His response was “Babe, I’m not gonna pay for the cow when I get the milk for free.” What does that even mean? FML

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Move your ass

Anonymous - 23/06/2023 06:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend sits in an empty apartment, complaining about it being a rat hole. HE picked the place, HE refuses my help to decorate, as well as my offer to get his stuff from the old place, and yes, he could totally afford something better. But sure, his life is shit. FML

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Girl, DIY

Anonymous - 23/06/2023 03:00

Today, my wife yelled at me to "just stick it up her ass already." No, not for anal sex, it was a suppository she got from the doctor. This is the closest I’ve been to sex in two years, since she decided we were done having sex and won’t even explain why when I ask. We’re only in our 30s. FML

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East side story

Anonymous - 23/06/2023 03:32 - India - Prayagraj

Today, I found out that the girl I love loves me back. The two of us are madly in love with each other but we can't do anything about it because our religions and our castes are different. FML

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Assumptions

Anonymous - 22/06/2023 15:00

Today, I left my husband in charge of the house for a day. When I returned, I saw him gaming through the window, so I stormed in and yelled at him. Then, my eyes adjusted, and I saw the neatly folded laundry, clean kitchen, vacuumed rugs, and my son, who was asleep until I woke him. Whoops. FML

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That's not a real thing

Anonymous - 22/06/2023 11:00 - United Kingdom - Flitwick

Today, after talking to a girl for a little over a month, and both of us saying we liked each other and FaceTiming each other for multiple hours each day, she told me I’m “too easy to talk to” and friendzoned me. FML

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Classic move

rejecteddd - - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. Right after I arrived there, he excused himself to go to the bathroom. He never came back. FML

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Retaliation

LawnmowerGuy - 21/06/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, my assmunch neighbor snitched on me and told my wife I was bringing my girlfriend home to sleep over while she worked her job during the graveyard shift. All because I’d forgotten to return his lawnmower. FML

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Real smooth

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML

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Walked into that one

loser - - United Kingdom

Today, I told a friend that he looked smarter with his glasses on. He took them off and said, "Oh, and now you look more handsome." FML

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Trauma dumping

Anonymous - 20/06/2023 04:00 - Canada - Belleville

Today, my partner of 4 years has told me that trying to be emotionally present and initiate affection from time to time is too much of a change for them to handle. I wish they had said that the first time I brought it up, instead of stringing me along. Oh, but they "love me". Just not enough to be a better person. FML

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The One

NotTheSoulMate - - United States

Today, even though I don't necessarily believe in soul mates, I found out my wife does. She met hers a few weeks ago. FML

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Bridezilla

Anonymous - 20/06/2023 06:00

Today, it was supposed to be my wedding but my fiancé insisted we be married by his childhood priest, a real bible thumper. This arsehole tried to change our vows at the altar and told me wives should know their place, so I slapped him and the wedding is delayed until we get a new priest. FML

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Memento

Anonymous - 20/06/2023 03:00

Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML

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It'll be over soon

fat girl problems - 19/06/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, my soon-to-be-ex saw me cleaning my creases with a wash rag, even though I’d showered earlier. To him that’s proof that I'd fucked someone else and was wiping away the evidence. To me it’s proof that I need touch ups throughout the day so I don’t stink. I sweat profusely and it’s over 90°F. FML

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The Bridges of Madison County 2: Electric Boogaloo

mistreated mistress - 19/06/2023 10:00

Today, despite the fact that we love each other and are perfect together, my boyfriend still refuses to leave his wife. Apparently it will "mess his kids up." FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I paid top dollar for an Italian soda that ended up consisting almost entirely of ice. When I complained, the girl insisted that the soda water stopped the ice from melting. She said she didn't see what the problem was, and threatened to have me thrown out if I didn't "simmer down." FML

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Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

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Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

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Today, I was taking a bubble bath, and had my iPod touch on the side of my bathtub so I could listen to my music. My dog walked up to the side of the tub, looked me in the eye, and nudged my iPod into the water. FML

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Today, after months of constant encouragement from my friends, I went and entered a singing contest. I sang and was booed off stage. Later on I found out my friends lied to me about my ability to sing, just so I could give them a cheap laugh. FML

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Today, my teen son came home in a terrible mood because his girlfriend won’t listen to him. I thought he meant conversation-wise, but he meant she refused to obey his commands about what clothes and makeup she wears, who she can talk to, where she can go, and so forth. My son is an asshole. FML

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