Love

Really? In 2022?

Anonymous - 04/05/2022 18:01 - United States

Today, I was busy going over wedding plans with my fiancé, when my mother called. Apparently, she wants me to "drop the joke" about this "fake engagement", because she was under the impression I was only dating a white guy to piss her and dad off, and was now getting carried away with it. FML

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God friended me

fmlimoverit - - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

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Never the twain

Anonymous - 04/05/2022 00:00

Today, after “talking” and flirting with my team lead for a few months, we started dating and I quit my job, which I really liked, and started working somewhere I didn’t just so we could be together. Now, two weeks after quitting, she breaks up with me. FML

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Bait

Anonymous - 03/05/2022 10:00 - United States - Sardinia

Today, I got a text from my ex-girlfriend asking me if I wanted an old college hoodie back. I said yes and thank you, and she replied saying, "Well I don’t respect you, so don’t contact me again." FML

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Double standards

onlywantuanyway -

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

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Dealbreaker

trapped - 01/05/2022 21:00 - United States

Today, it’s only been a few months but I’m seriously considering leaving my husband. His kids were fine during weekend visits, but now that they live with us they’ve become absolutely insufferable fucking monsters. He won’t discipline them, and when I try they, tell the most awful lies about me. FML

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Great night out

Boyufd - 02/05/2022 04:00

Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML

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Heartfelt

Anonymous - 01/05/2022 15:01 - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my husband put myself and our 3 year-old on a plane back to the other side of the US, because he “just can’t” with us anymore. FML

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For better or for worse

Anonymous - - United States - Vienna

Today, I realized I didn't want to come home from a business trip because I like my job more than my husband. I hate my job. FML

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Be careful what you wish for

Anonymous - 01/05/2022 18:00 - Switzerland

Today, after two years of torture being secretly in love with a married woman, two months ago she initiated things and we became lovers. Now she says even if she divorces, she wouldn't want me as a partner, because a honest man would never "do what I'm doing." FML

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Friends?

idekwtfigo - 01/05/2022 06:00

Today, I found out that the girl my boyfriend says is "just a good old friend" is actually an "ex that got away." FML

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If you can't handle me at my worst…

Anonymous - 01/05/2022 00:01

Today, my date got a cold before our date and accidentally took medicine that makes you drowsy before we went out. Two glasses of red later to calm her nerves, she yelled at a waiter, threw her shoe at the chef, then passed out on the table. I’m going to marry this girl, just you watch. FML

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Share them with us!

Anonymous - 30/04/2022 22:00

Today, after dumping my ex for being married, I realized he'd been my best friend too, and I have no one to tell the funny, mundane bits about my day. I never realized until now how much I needed that. FML

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The wedding is going to be cocobananas

Anonymous - 30/04/2022 18:00

Today, we announced our engagement. His mother immediately accused me of being a manipulative, gold digging whore. She's been fine with me for the last 5 years of dating, plus I used all my savings to support my boyfriend when he wanted to go back to college, but as soon as the ring appeared, I'm a gold digger. FML

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Wise decision?

Anonymous - 30/04/2022 00:01

Today, my girlfriend was given an ultimatum by her dad: come back to China and marry the man he picked for her, or stay here at uni with her 'white devil boyfriend' (me) and be shunned by her whole family forever. She chose here for her future career, but I think she resents me for it. FML

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Jan-Michael Vincent? Heather Locklear?

Anonymous - 29/04/2022 22:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a creepy stalker blog dedicated to some minor celebrity from the '80s that I’ve never heard of. When I asked him about it, he accused me of spying on his private life, even though the blog is there on the internet for anyone to read, and stormed out. FML

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Manipulation

Anonymous - 29/04/2022 14:00

Today, while we were at a museum I like, my wife told me she was “in the mood” so we quickly drove home, where she suddenly “wasn’t in the mood anymore.” I get the feeling she was bored with the museum, and lied to me to come home earlier. FML

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Misophonia

Anonymous - 29/04/2022 12:00

Today, my brother warned me he could drive me crazy without even being in the room. I didn’t believe him, so he pointed out just how loudly my girlfriend slurps anything she drinks. I honestly hadn’t noticed before, but now the slurping is all I notice, and it's driving me crazy. FML

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This is going to be great!

Anonymous - 29/04/2022 04:00 - United States - Morristown

Today, after we got married five months ago, my wife and I planned a trip to France and Spain as a honeymoon. We’re supposed to be leaving on Saturday. She just told me last night, “I am so not looking forward to the trip.” FML

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Broken dreams

dreamteam - - United States

Today, I was having a very realistic dream about a hot guy. Just as he was leaning in to ravish me, I was rudely awakened by the sound of my husband farting and snorting at the same time. FML

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Kids will be kids

Anonymous - 26/04/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML

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Funny not funny

Malic - 26/04/2022 18:00

Today, my husband and I were lovingly holding hands on the couch. I'm not typically a cuddler, but I went with it… until he sneezed into his hands. This would of been fine, if my hand wasn't still coupled with his. His laugh suggested harmless fun. My drenched hand suggested murder. FML

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What are you complaining about exactly?

Rob - 26/04/2022 12:00

Today, almost every girl in my contacts thinks I’m sexually unattractive, and one even said I’m "too nice.” The one girl that is sexually attracted to me only wants me for sex, and wants nothing else to do with me. FML

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Understanding

Anonymous - 26/04/2022 06:00

Today, I was on a date, and I mentioned that I'm divorced, he was fine with that. I said I have two kids, he was fine with that. I mentioned the youngest is autistic, he was not fine with that, got up, and left so fast saying he wants nothing to do with kids like that. I was left with the bill. FML

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Susssy baka

Anonymous - 25/04/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, my best friend told me she thinks my fiancé might be gay, because he won't cheat on me with her, like all my past boyfriends did. I'm sorry? My past boyfriends did WHAT with WHO? FML

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"She's a very kinky girl…"

MB101 - - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to sing at karaoke. I sang a romantic love ballad to him. He dedicated Rick James's "Super Freak" to me. FML

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Old faithful

Anonymous - 25/04/2022 02:00

Today, my daughter flew completely off the handle when she found out I have a girlfriend, and called me an unfaithful sinning bastard, who’s going to hell for cheating on her mother. Her mother's been dead for 20 years and this is the first time I’ve met a woman since then. FML

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Rejection hotline

Anonymous - 24/04/2022 12:00

Today, after having my car's oil changed, I asked the girl at the front desk for her number and she gave it to me, so I was excited all day. That night I texted her and she asked who it was and I told her my name, then she told me she gave her number out to a lot of customers, so she didn’t remember me. FML

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Running commentary

The Gabriel - 24/04/2022 10:00

Today, I was making out with some girl at a party and noticed that she wasn't very good at it. I tried to say, "You kiss like a 16 year-old doing it for the first time" but ended up saying, "You kiss like a 16 year-old." Upon saying that, a dozen people turned and looked at me, giving weird looks. FML

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Mommy's boy

motherlessbride - - United States

Today, my husband finally admitted to his mother he'd got married. No wonder she wasn't involved with the wedding. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my mom admitted that her story about my dad leaving us for his current wife was a lie. He left when he caught her with a coworker. She blocked his number and got a restraining order to keep him from telling his side of the story. I haven't talked to my dad for six years because of this. FML

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Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

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Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

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Today, I did laundry for the first time in weeks. Feeling productive, I dumped everything in, including what I thought was my pile of towels. Turns out, I washed (and shrunk) my roommate’s $200 wool sweater. She found out when I proudly showed her how “clean” everything looked. FML

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Today, my boyfriend of 6 years decided on New Year's Eve to get on his knees and tell me that he cheated on me with his ex, and they're getting back together. Yay last day of 2020! FML

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Today, a highly intoxicated man came into my workplace and complained that the medicine that I'd prescribed for his dog almost choked him. I work at Blockbuster. FML

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