Intimacy

By Anonymous - 01/08/2012 09:02 - United States

Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 756

You deserved it 6 607

What are you doing here then?

By Nikki - 27/07/2012 13:45 - United States - Newark

Today, my live-in-boyfriend lost his job. Jokingly, I told him that we weren't going to have sex until he found a new job. He then turned to me with the most excited look I have ever seen on his face and said, "I'm going to stay unemployed forever!" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 014

You deserved it 9 285

By princess - 17/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 152 020

You deserved it 40 671

By TheTruthofWomen - 04/11/2013 05:45 - United States

Today, at work, I had to explain to my co-manager at work what a period was, after he refused to let an employee go change her tampon. Afterwards, he panicked, saying he thought women made that up so they didn't have to have sex, before trying to send her to the hospital and fainting. We're 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 252

You deserved it 4 680

I can't unsee it

By meikd423 - 10/09/2010 16:36 - France

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, with only a Santa hat on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 953

You deserved it 4 572

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 19:36 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 672

You deserved it 23 093

Content warning

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 00:00 - Germany

Today, I was working from home and had an important meeting with my superiors. It was fine until my sleepy wife came in and asked if I could find a better time for calls. I didn't notice her right away and failed to disable my camera. She was fully naked, and I received an email about inappropriate behaviour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 185

Went a bit too far, Sigmund

By notatherapist - 01/10/2014 23:08 - Netherlands - Huizen

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 577

You deserved it 6 341

Sidelined

By Anonymous - 24/09/2024 15:30 - India

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with an old friend from college, who has totally turned into a hot MILF after marriage. Of course the date was pre-planned with some steamy sex at my place. However, last night her husband found out about her affair with her neighbour and now she can’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 873

Traditions suck

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 17:01 - Australia

Today, my fiance told me that his father would need to check my hymen is intact to ensure I'm pure before we get married. This is a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 191

By Anonymous - 06/10/2012 23:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 093

You deserved it 2 853

By WhyDoINeedAName - 13/03/2013 19:51 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, as always, I'm dating one of the few girls who, without fail, always finishes first when we get intimate. She's also one of those girlfriends who doesn't want to continue once she's done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 523

You deserved it 8 219

By WhyMe? - 01/03/2011 13:24

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 289

You deserved it 15 051

Blurt it out

By gotta love my momma - 28/08/2014 05:08 - United States - Folsom

Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 337

You deserved it 11 329

Fetishes come in all sizes

By unboned - 11/05/2016 17:30 - United States - Katy

Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 642

You deserved it 2 839

By Username - 03/08/2011 14:33 - United States

Today, I got an anonymous letter, stating my condo's community and all my neighbors can hear me having sex. Not only that, but kids gather around my window to listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 707

You deserved it 37 630

By Bawo - 02/06/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 097

You deserved it 34 018

By sissydlk - 02/12/2010 15:54 - United States

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 311

You deserved it 10 386

By n3ov - 26/02/2013 04:33 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 598

You deserved it 4 467

n3ov tells us more.

n3ov 6

Wednesday 27 February 2013 18:27

Easier said than done.

By katelouise2102 - 29/11/2010 12:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to make up a boyfriend to stop my lesbian roommate coming onto me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 319

You deserved it 6 658

The policy of truth

By Anonymous - 02/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I'm ending a 35 year marriage. In the last few months, my husband has told me that he has been preferring porn to me since before we were married, he has had multiple affairs, he always knew his family was toxic and messing with me. Oh, and he wants us to, "Move on and have a happy retirement together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 156

By StantheMan93 - 02/02/2015 23:59 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 187

You deserved it 3 601

You what?

By charliesangel123 - 21/02/2010 17:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 557

You deserved it 3 732

By flavored - 18/11/2013 15:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 240

You deserved it 19 482

Tu as compris ?

By gleefan116 - 28/08/2010 00:18 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who recently started French classes, and I were having sex. Knowing how whispering in my ear turns me on, she whispered something in French, and I came. Later I found out it meant something like, "You should lose a lot of weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 646

You deserved it 9 074

By waj9876 - 09/09/2011 00:34 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I've been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she's "better than that other slut, or it's over between us." I've been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 163

You deserved it 5 048

"shortcomings"

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 961

You deserved it 650

Lingo

By Ethan - 09/03/2009 13:35 - Australia

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I'd got her. She replied, "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 187

You deserved it 95 468

Transactional

By Anonymous - 04/06/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I set up a nice picnic style dinner in our living room for my wife. No special occasion, just because, but when she got home and saw it, all I got was a “great, and I suppose you’ll want sex for this?” then she made herself a sandwich and went to bed, no explanation. Why do I bother? FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 131

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I walked past two guys on the street. I heard one of them whisper, "Jeez, that girl looks like Donald Trump." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 573

You deserved it 3 902

Today, the girl who'd asked me to prom told me she assumed we weren't going together and is now going with her friends. After agreeing to go with her, I'd bought a $200 non-refundable suit along with the ticket. I have no one else to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 587

You deserved it 396

Today, I got broken up by someone I wasn't even sure I wanted to date in the first place. He also made me realize how little self-respect I have right before dumping me. This is the best thing to happen in my love life in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 205

Today, I asked my father if I could have my grandfather's old vinyls, record player, and vintage tube radio. He told me he threw those out years ago because, "Who listens to that crap anymore, now that we have mp3s?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 044

You deserved it 233

Today, I found multiple dating apps in my boyfriend's phone, hidden in a folder with his calculator and calendar. His excuse? He said he was never going to meet up with any of them, he just needed to have a back-up plan. We have been together for five years and live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 137

Today, my mom changed her mind about driving me to a job interview because she wants to attend a meeting at a church she told me she'd never go back to, full of people she hates. I can't drive because she refuses to teach me how. There's no public transportation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 947

You deserved it 857