Airplanes

I didn't realize it until after I got back to my seat. I definitely wasn't going to touch that. Nothing like walking thru an airport with no shoes on.

Don't call me Shirley

By Anonymous - 10/05/2012 13:09 - Sweden - Solna

Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 638

You deserved it 28 779

Wingnut

By heathenapparently - 16/02/2019 20:00

Today, while driving me to the airport for a trip to Japan, my mother started crying. When I asked her why, she said, "I just know that if the plane crashes, I will never see you again because you are going to hell." Thank you, mom. I love you too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 812

You deserved it 263

Banished

By Anonymous - 25/11/2023 20:00

Today, I was on an early flight home after a night of drinking. I was sat in my seat when I started feeling sweaty and nauseous. I grabbed the puke bag and started gagging, then puking, and a really loud fart came out. Everyone heard it. The attendant switched me seat to sit alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 836

Kids…

By Satan'sChildren - 28/04/2013 02:30 - United States - Oak Creek

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 641

You deserved it 3 270

Jump around

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 05:00

Today, I was on a one day business trip to America, literally, one day, I didn’t even need a hotel, just straight back to the airport. I woke up in hospital, an AMERICAN hospital, because I got a blood clot from the flight and needed surgery. The bill is astronomical and I’m uninsured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 152

Run run run

By mad flyer - 21/02/2010 05:47 - France

Today, after my first flight landed late, I burned out my lungs sprinting full speed for 10 minutes to catch my next flight. The gate number on my ticket was wrong. It had been changed to one right next to where I had originally pulled up to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 631

You deserved it 3 803

Karen in seat 14A

By Dammit - 16/02/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, I was on a long-haul flight, desperately trying to sleep. My husband next to me started snoring so loudly, I swear he was vibrating the seat. In a dazed, half-asleep state, I leaned over and hissed, “Shut up!” It wasn’t him. It was the guy next to him. He woke up and looked at me like I was the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 468

Painful flight

By creepingjennie - 17/05/2022 18:00

Today, I just finished a seventeen hour flight in economy. I actually managed to fall asleep, until a flight attendant shined her flashlight directly into my bad eye, triggering an excruciating pain response. Why? "I couldn't see your seatbelt." It was fastened, and the seat belt light wasn't even lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 122

Turbulence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Spring Hope

Today, I am sitting next to a guy who very clearly has lice crawling on his head. It's a six hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 023

You deserved it 3 161

Been around the world and I I I, I can't find my suitcase

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 16:00

Today, I arrived home after taking one airplane from A to B. My luggage never made it on the plane with me, and now the airline is looking for it. One plane and still lost my suitcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 108

Great start

By siggit - 10/09/2009 15:58 - United States

Today, I left on my honeymoon with my wife who is terrified of flying. The pilot announced incoming storms in the flight path, and the man next to me starts saying it's "probably fate" and "we all have to go sometime." My wife went into a full panic attack. We hadn't even left the ground yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 913

You deserved it 3 172

Well planned out

By Anonymous - 25/07/2019 06:01

Today, after 6 months abroad, I finally got home to the airport at 5 a.m. where my parents were supposed to be picking me up. I called my mother to let her know I'd landed. She picked up with a sleepy voice and asked, "Who is this?" I'm an only child and we live 2 hours away from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 165

Wake up Boo!

By Anonymous - 11/03/2021 20:01

Today, my work made us all get up at 3 a.m. to head to the airport for our 7 a.m. flight, only for us to get to the airport and find out the flight is cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 95

Look where you're going, dude

By balancestrikesagain - 24/04/2009 09:37 - United States

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 483

You deserved it 10 813

Turbulence

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 21:30

Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 118

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 23:02

Today, I told my girlfriend that one of my intellectually challenged friends now holds an engineering position at an aircraft company. She wasn't a fan of flying before, and now refuses to set foot anywhere near any aircraft of any kind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 268

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I checked into my flight early. The kiosk asked me if I wanted an earlier flight for $50. Awesome. I swiped my card then continued to the next screen where I was informed my new flight was delayed to the same time as my original flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 044

You deserved it 6 013

Lav agent

By Anonymous - 02/07/2022 18:00

Today, I was assigned to empty the lavatory tank on an airplane. I haven't done this since February, when the contents ended up all over me. I thought to myself, "It can't happen again, can it?" I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 219

Who are you?

By NotlovingAgain - 14/03/2022 06:00

Today, knowing my long-distance boyfriend was cheating on me with a local girl, I decided to make a surprise visit to confront him by showing up to his home. Both of them answered the door. My boyfriend claimed to not know me, and threatened to call the cops. I ended up back at the airport in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 483

By plantfood - 06/01/2012 05:47 - United States

Today, I was boarding a plane and an elderly woman asked if I could put her carry on into the overhead bin. Eager to help, I energetically lifted her bag up, and smacked her in the face with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 044

You deserved it 6 365

Badass

By Anonymous - 06/01/2024 08:00

Today, on a plane, a little kid was kicking the back of my son's chair. When the kid's mom went to the toilet, my son told this little kid, "If you kick my chair one more time, I’m going to kill your mom and you’ll never see her again." He stopped kicking but damn, what kind of son did I raise? FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 255

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The Top

Today, I was told by my boss if I was late one more time he fired me. I replied, "Can I quit then if that's the case." He then said no, and gave me more shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 1 076

Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 123

Today, I sent my boyfriend of over a year a text message telling him how much I loved him, how perfect he is for me and what I love about him. He sent me back a text saying, "I thought you had class." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 313

You deserved it 8 510

Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 186

Today, I went to a jewellery store to sell my wedding ring, after a long and painful divorce. The shop owner took one look at it and called the cops because I tried to sell him a diamond ring that had been stolen from him 3 years ago. My ex-husband left the country a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 044

You deserved it 3 401

Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 923

You deserved it 345