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By Parent - 08/04/2018 23:00 - United States - Elkhart

Spicy

Today, being a divorced dad, I had a very important job opportunity for which I would be gone overnight. When I returned, I found my son locked in his room while the babysitter was having sex with a man in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 895

You deserved it 421

By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 053

You deserved it 1 812

Excuse me

By Sessionsjc - 23/03/2018 01:00 - United States - Boca Raton

Spicy

Today, during my run through a nature preserve, I rounded the corner to a pair of legs sticking out on the trail. My first thought was that someone was hurt, but as I got closer I realized it was one guy blowing another on the side of the trail. I had to jump over his legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 726

You deserved it 475

By notyouraverage - 03/04/2018 19:00

Today, I was doing a PowerPoint presentation in front of my whole class, when I accidentally clicked on the folder that has zillions of pictures of my crush. He's one of my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 473

You deserved it 6 981

By oh gee - 02/05/2016 05:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let up about it. I don't know how to break it to him that his penis is too small for me to suck and look upward at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 492

You deserved it 5 313

FML Uncensored

By Anonymous - 15/08/2017 06:00

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 676

You deserved it 903

By Anonyme - 02/09/2015 04:21 - France - Mitry-mory

Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 191

You deserved it 7 765

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 17:48 - United States - Portland

Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 521

You deserved it 3 289

By Anonymous - 01/07/2016 16:23 - Sweden - Alingsås

Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 455

You deserved it 1 860

Emergency

By Anonymous - 03/05/2009 23:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of two years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307 586

You deserved it 20 923

High emissions zone

By BodyElectric - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was checking my kitten's neutering stitches when he farted so hard that a stray piece of cat shit shot out and hit me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 157

You deserved it 3 899

By snortingspunk - 03/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 506

You deserved it 4 155

That worked out rather well

By Anonymous - 27/07/2016 10:36 - Ukraine - Poltava

Spicy

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I have no sex drive, but faked it to avoid hurting his feelings. It was after he confessed he is not attracted to women, but forced himself to have sex with me because he didn't want to admit he is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 371

You deserved it 3 691

Sensual world

By Anonymous - 16/10/2015 15:05 - United Kingdom - Eastleigh

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 283

You deserved it 3 024

No Ragerts

By "Sonofaquiche" - 07/05/2017 00:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up in the hospital with a broken coccyx. Apparently, my drunk self came to the glorious conclusion that it would be a good idea to cannonball into a puddle while screaming "POOLPARTYYYY!" at the top of my lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 118

You deserved it 5 739

By Anonymous - 01/11/2017 20:00 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I woke up duct-taped to the toilet in nothing but a straitjacket. I don't remember what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 473

You deserved it 2 048

By TeaSea - 11/02/2018 01:30

Today, I told my class I was giving them 60 seconds to do a problem. A girl replied furiously "At least give us one minute!!" I teach a high school honors math class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 391

You deserved it 480

By Sergeant - 22/01/2018 13:00 - Russian Federation

Today, I fainted in the bathtub. My family broke the door to save me, which is great, but they all saw me naked, which is not so great. My siblings laughed at the size of my penis, my father laughed at the situation, and my mom just cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 314

You deserved it 412

Threat Neutralized

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 331

You deserved it 739

By Hufflepuff girl - 10/10/2017 11:54

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying that last night was awesome. When I said, "What do you mean?" he answered, "Come on Jess, I bet you can't stand straight." My name is Britney, but my friend's name is Jessica. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 456

You deserved it 435

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 04:46 - United States - Middleboro

Today, at our wedding, instead of saying "I do", my fiancé paused before saying, "I can't do this", stepped down from the altar and proposed to my maid of honor. When she obviously refused, he ran from the venue bawling. He's not returning my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 602

You deserved it 2 539

By angrymother - 27/07/2016 01:21

Spicy

Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 890

You deserved it 1 745

By Cantunsee - 26/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I found out just how close my boyfriend has been getting to our new neighbour's teenage son. I came home from work to find them on my bed and my "straight" boyfriend head down ass up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 184

You deserved it 448

Freudian slip?

By Anonymous - 02/12/2017 05:00

Today, I accidentally called a student in my 10th grade English class "David" instead of "Dylan". Without thinking, I said, "I'm sorry, I just have a lot of Ds in my life!" All of my students broke out in mortified laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 004

You deserved it 1 106

By Anonymous - 18/04/2018 11:00 - United States - Twin Falls

Today, I went to the park to read “The Book Thief”. I fell asleep and when I woke up, my book was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 373

You deserved it 1 010

Self harm

By Embarrassed - 06/12/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 6 383

Choices, Choices...

By FeelingAwkward - 20/03/2017 10:19

Spicy

Today, I have the option of staying downstairs and having to listen to my father have sex with his girlfriend, or moving upstairs and having to listen to my brother's side of cybersex with his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 537

You deserved it 742

Born2Goth tells us more.

Born2Goth 18

Saturday 18 March 2017 2:01

Hey this is mine, I didn't realize it got published. I don't actually live at my dad's house, I was just visiting. So I don't really have any friends there and It was really late at night so I didn't really have anywhere else to go. The only headphones I had were not at all noise canceling, even when playing loud music. I did end up moving upstairs but that's only because that's where I was sleeping. IT was pretty awkward lol.

By Anonymous - 14/10/2018 03:00

Today, I actually said the words "yes, a blowjob from a guy is still cheating" to my husband. I never thought that would be a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 484

You deserved it 302

By Sally - 31/10/2018 22:00 - United States

Today, I went over to the house of a guy I have hooked up with a few times. After we got done, I asked him why we were not in the room across the hall. He said that was his twin brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 838

You deserved it 1 332

By petmosch - 04/08/2017 00:30

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 311

You deserved it 2 463

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Today, while standing completely still at Walmart, I was hit by a drunk man on a Jazzy Scooter. He laughed, said it was an accident, gunned the scooter and took out two more people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 447

You deserved it 2 676

Today, my 6 year-old told me that he was stealing the fan I just bought. I told him he could have it for $25. He said, "What, you think I’m made of money?" My response was, "Well, you think I’m made of money." He replied, "Isn’t that what MOM stands for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 398

Today, a drunk dude walked up to me and said, "You're ugly as fuck." His sober friend quickly apologized and explained that he was wasted, before looking me up and down and adding, "Well, not completely, I guess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 592

You deserved it 3 999

Today, I finally got my 18 month-old to throw away her trash and dirty diapers. Now she throws everything away, and I can't get her to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 461

Today, my 12 year old cousin decided that "all men are pigs" and deleted every male contact in my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 200

You deserved it 4 908

Today, I have only been back at work for one week after elbow surgery, which was followed immediately by hospitalization for diabetic ketoacidosis, which caused a severe flare up of my gout. The hospital bill is over $3,200 with insurance, and I just tested positive for COVID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 146