Farts

By squirts - 27/11/2013 04:42

Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 231

You deserved it 5 340

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Victoria

Today, I accidentally forwarded a link to a weird fart porn video to my chat group. They've been silent for 30 minutes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 829

You deserved it 14 476

A different kind of wind

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Reserved

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 372

You deserved it 4 947

Job performance

By AZlan - 10/03/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in a long meeting and desperately needed to fart. I carefully tried to release it slowly, but of course, it was the loudest fart I've ever made. Just after it happened, my boss looked at me and said, “That's the best contribution you've ever made in one of these meetings.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 349

Shots fired

By Its a gas - 13/06/2025 00:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, I made a pot of chili. My wife came home, sniffed the air, and said, "You're sleeping in the guest room until you eat all that chili. You fart like a trucker and I can't sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 493

Let it all out

By pottypattypeepants - 31/12/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 724

You deserved it 19 655

Hot air

By SuperSleuth - 07/10/2021 11:01 - United States - Miami

Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 372

Gas giant

By StinkBomber - 10/08/2021 23:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, while dropping my daughter off at soccer practice I was talking about my gym routine. Her friend said, "Your dad's going to be the new god of thunder." My daughter was like, "He already is, but for different reasons." Everyone got the joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 219

Elephant

By frank - 26/03/2021 23:01

Today, I farted in my office, assuming nobody would come in until the smoke cleared. The new girl then came in to introduce herself. She had her hands on her nose the whole time, while we both awkwardly tried to ignore the stank elephant in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 496

Every home should have one

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that if I'm not home and my roommates have girls over, my room is the designated "fart room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 890

You deserved it 4 594

Date night

By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 22:26 - United States

Today, I told my husband that I wanted to take advantage of the alone time we would have while our kids are visiting my parents. My idea? A nice dinner out and kinky sex all night long. His idea? Chinese buffet and subsequent dutch ovens in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 770

You deserved it 4 042

By Anonymous - 26/04/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend decided to fart in our bathtub to see if it would echo. It wasn’t a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 516

You deserved it 404

Family portrait

By Anonymous - 01/07/2024 00:00 - United States - Goose Creek

Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 533

Sharing is caring

By josie - 05/05/2022 10:00

Today, my husband of twenty years thinks I don’t love him. Why? Because I won’t fart in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 276

Polite

By bleue - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - France - Montberon

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let rip a loud fart. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 483

You deserved it 4 928

Saxophone solo

By fartypants - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Winter Park

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 933

You deserved it 4 581

Biohazard

By seriouslysinglenomingle - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I realized that I can recognize each member of my disgusting family by the sound and smell of their farts. I can’t wait to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 733

You deserved it 457

Core

By Anonymous - 18/03/2023 16:00

Today, I went to the gym and accidentally farted during yoga class. Everyone looked at me and the instructor said, "Let's all take a moment to appreciate the power of core strength." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 170

Noise complaint

By no sleep for me - 08/01/2013 07:44

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 420

You deserved it 5 740

Long haul

By sandwhiched - 01/01/2015 08:52 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went on a roadtrip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 771

You deserved it 4 854

Chance encounter

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, while browsing through Walmart, I slipped on a piece of clothing and fell backwards into an obese lady’s butt. When I landed, she farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 281

You deserved it 363

By anonymous - 05/05/2015 05:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 588

You deserved it 6 324

It's a gas gas gas

By Anonymous - 17/08/2024 00:00 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my pug farted so much that I thought there was an actual gas leak. I kept checking the oven and making sure our C02 detector had batteries before I heard a squeaky fart come from my dog. Don't get a pug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 343

Rip it up

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - South Africa

Today, I was in a very crowded train coming home from work. I saw a cute guy sitting across from me. As I lifted my one leg to hook it over my other leg, I let out a loud fart. All I could do was sit there and wait for my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 696

You deserved it 11 057

Early morning noise

By Juju Bear - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - France - Paris

Today, my girlfriend woke up, and while half-asleep, muttered, "What time is it? Have the neighbours started drilling again?" I'll try harder to keep my farts in from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 601

You deserved it 3 888

It's a gas gas gas

By annie - 16/02/2023 04:00

Today, I trusted a fart at work and, for the first time in my life, it did not come out silent. I have had a hell of a time explaining to people that I don’t fart loudly all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 777

Chillaxed

By xXxXxTOBIxX - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Raleigh

Today, while relaxing in a chair in a shop, a man approached me and said, "You have no idea how many times I've farted in that chair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 275

You deserved it 4 695

An attempt was made

By bubblewrap - 20/10/2015 10:13 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 821

You deserved it 11 984

Stealth dog

By Anonymous - 02/06/2020 02:00

Today, while I was sitting in a waiting room to be seen, my service dog (who was tucked under the bench I was sitting) let out the most vile, silent but deadly fart. The person near me retched and heaved, and I got death glares while someone sprayed their old lady perfume to mask the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 244

So sensual...

By Wellokthen - 17/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 147

You deserved it 1 182

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The Top

Today, for Christmas, I got the 3-month anniversary of a constant cold and cough, my period, plus the diagnosis that I have been secretly left-handed for 40 years, and need to switch sides now if I want to unfuck my physical and mental health. What I still don't have are decent boots - I've been hunting them for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 159

Today, I was getting my portrait done. The artist told me to smile. He looked at me, then said, "Oh, don't smile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 514

You deserved it 4 477

Today, I shaved my head because I heard that one of my good friends got cancer. I went to visit her in the hospital. She's not bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 587

You deserved it 60 483

Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 954

You deserved it 62 423

Today, I had a theatre performance. I had to put on a lot of makeup for the role, and one of the guys said I looked nice. I smiled and said thanks. Seconds later, I'd been sucker-punched by his girlfriend for "flirting" with her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 447

You deserved it 2 245

Today, I was at work at a coffee shop. We charge 50 cents every 15 minutes of use of our computers. An old man tried sneaking out without paying after being at a computer. As I was telling him to pay for his time, he threw a bagel at me and ran to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 104