Cancer

Corporate stooge

By Anonymous - 29/06/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to tell a bald cancer patient that no, having cancer did not entitle her to a 100% discount on coffee. I felt like a douche for saying it, but I work at a well known coffee franchise and I’m not losing my job because someone wants free coffee, no matter how ill they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 93

Nosferatu

By Kristache - 02/07/2009 08:31 - Canada

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 310

You deserved it 16 405

The eternal argument

By Annoyed atheist - 07/05/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I was watching the episode of New Amsterdam where a man's cancer goes into remission very abruptly. As the doctors wonder how the hell that's possible, my mom says, "God." Okay. So if this "God" controls what happens to your body, why is cancer still a thing? My mom is no longer religious. She's delusional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 305

Bad sign

By Anonymous - 24/02/2022 02:01

Today, I found out that a girl I had been seeing for two months used her having a brain tumor as an excuse to break up with me. She said she wouldn’t feel good for three months because of treatment, but then a month into "treatment", she posted a picture on a date with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 145

Adding insult to injury

By Anonymous - 15/07/2022 05:00 - United States - Overland Park

Today, it's not bad enough that I'm fighting stage 4 colorectal cancer, and that I'm 3 weeks out of colostomy surgery, during the night, it came unhooked from my body in my sleep. I woke up to the smell of shit, and I was covered in dried shit, glued to my sheets. It made it through 2 'waterproof' mattress protectors, to the expensive foam mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 99

The grind mindset

By How?! - 06/10/2021 02:00

Today, after enduring chemo, radiation treatments and several surgeries in order to beat cancer, being immunocompromised and catching Covid, I haven’t been able to work for years. Despite all that, I still get told I’m lazy and need to "just go get a job" when I try to get social security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 101

Fairweather friends

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 14:00 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad is terminally ill from bone cancer. It’s been 2 months and not even one of my so-called friends have asked me how I’m doing or how my parents are doing. They do however contact me when they need something. I have always been there for them - guess I was a fool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 138

Unfair

By Anonymous - 21/10/2022 00:00

Today, I got demoted at work and had a pay cut taken, all because I got sick from cancer and haven't recovered well enough to do every task. We are not short staffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 117

Dumbass

By whyyyy - 17/06/2020 05:05

Today, my daughter shaved her head in solidarity for a friend who went bald from cancer. Normally this would be an amazing gesture. Unfortunately, her “friend” is a fictional character from a book she’s reading. My daughter had almost 24-inch long hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 098

You deserved it 549

I hate this

By Danny - 25/04/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, my dad is fighting for his life after a pancreatic cancer diagnosis and a life threatening surgery. I work full time and I visit him when I can, knowing we’re on borrowed time. I come home emotional exhausted and drained, only to be met with a nagging wife that says I’m not prioritizing her or the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 86

Unusual diagnosis method

By Anonymous - 08/08/2022 16:00

Today, after my brother punched me in the balls a few weeks ago, and while I was clutching myself in pain I actually felt a hard lump on the right testicle, I got the results: it’s cancer but survivable if they remove the testicle. I had to thank my brother for saving me by punching me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 139

Escapism

By ChemoInReno - 26/06/2024 04:00 - Australia - Point Piper

Today, I am still recovering after my second round of chemotherapy. You’d think I’d be able to rest instead of making lunch and dinner for our kids, and cleaning the house. But no, my wife says that would mess up her day. Which is centred around an 8-hour M*A*S*H marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 111

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 11:00

Today, and since being diagnosed with bowel cancer, I realised I’ve been unintentionally limiting the places I go to, like shops and restaurants, based solely on the quality of their toilet paper. Not really complaining, I just thought it was kinda funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 139

Alopecia shit

By ThanksWill - 07/04/2022 12:00

Today, a coworker just came back from being ill and getting chemotherapy for a month and a half. I saw her bald head. I’d never seen her like that before. The astonishment disabled my verbal filter and I blurted out, "Jada Pinkett-Smith." Let’s just say besides this FML, I’m also submitting online resumes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 829

One upper

By help - 13/06/2023 03:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my friend (she's 14) said she had lung cancer. This made me and my other friend very worried for her, but now we know she was faking it since when she was "at the hospital" she was at a friend's house, and her mom came to the school to confirm she was faking the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 111

The big C

By Anonymous - 10/12/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I had an offer for a job, and was going to receive the offer letter… only if I would postpone my oncologist appointments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 93

Go fund me not

By Danny28 - 27/11/2022 18:00

Today, I discovered that, according to her primary doctor, my mom never had cancer. That explains why she has the new iPhone, a plethora of designer purses, and a brand new Tesla. Turns out, I’ve been fueling her shopping spree habit, rather than her “cancer and chemotherapy treatments.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 138

Cold open

By AbsentMindedBoy - 03/03/2009 04:09 - Canada

Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked, "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said, "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said, "That's great to hear!" Turns out she has lung cancer instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 657

You deserved it 15 783

Honest mistake

By YahItsMe94 - 25/06/2009 07:20 - United States

Today, was my first day back at work since my wife got breast cancer. I come in and see some people with pink slips and frowns. When I get to my desk I find a pink slip, I go up to my boss and start to curse him out for firing me. Only to find out my pink slip was a fundraiser for my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 867

You deserved it 61 964

Happy New Year, maybe

By boardAtTheHospital - 01/01/2022 05:00

Today, I'm home alone and it blows, especially since my wife has to stay at the hospital to get chemo, and I can't stay with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 327

You deserved it 122

Deez Nuts

By ALittleLighter - 14/09/2021 05:00

Today, I finally lost some weight. Unfortunately, that's only because I had a testicle removed due to cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 80

Tantrum

By Gloria - 25/06/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, my daughter asked me for permission to go to her boyfriend’s studio apartment without any supervision to “watch a soccer game and eat pizza.” I said no because she thinks I was born yesterday. She proceeded to throw a tantrum and told me that she hopes my breast cancer kills me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 222

Understandably so

By Sleepless in Fremantle - 27/02/2022 06:01 - Australia

Today, after having insomnia and also being constantly woken in the middle of the night by spam texts, I turned my notifications off and fell asleep, forgetting I had done so - until a few days later when I discovered my friends two day-old text telling me he has incurable cancer. I've apologized profusely, but he’s ghosted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 208

Get up!

By Casino - 02/04/2009 01:17 - United States

Today, I bitched out my grandmother, who lives with my family, for being lazy and laying in bed until 6-7pm for the past month. When I was done, she told me she had been diagnosed with cancer and was depressed because of it. Nobody had bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 484

You deserved it 102 505

Jumbled up

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 06:00 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I still haven't met my SO’s traditional Indian parents, even though we have been together for 3 years, they just pretend I don’t exist. Today I also found out that my SO’s mom has cancer. I'm trying to be there for him, but he keeps pushing me away. He literally said he doesn’t know about our relationship now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 214

Balls

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 17:00

Today, at 17 years-old my doctor told me my balls are riddled with multiple small cancerous tumours. They are now useless for sperm production and will have to be removed anyway to cure the cancer, but not to worry, for aesthetic reasons they can replace them with silicone balls instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 243

You deserved it 132

This blows

By Katie B - 23/09/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom - Lincoln

Today, I received a rejection email from a brain cancer research charity to be a junior graphic designer with them. I'd forgotten about the application with them because after I applied, my dad became unwell and got diagnosed with incurable brain cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 67

Thanks, I feel better!

By Neal - 10/08/2022 13:00 - United States - Northport

Today, my dad told me, in the form of a soliloquy, to have a better attitude about death and dying. I have terminal cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 110

Free healthcare for all

By Thegout69 - 28/07/2022 02:00

Today, I lost my job because I fell victim to an incredibly complex phone scam. The hackers didn't get anything, but now I don't know what's worse - I can't afford to feed my kids, or I can't afford my chemotherapy for my my terminal cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 216

Our heart goes out to you

By BloodyButUnbowed - 11/02/2025 18:00 - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, I'm scheduling a cab to take me to my cancer surgery on Tuesday. I need a cab because there is literally no one to go with me, or to help me afterwards. I am truly alone in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 108

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 341

You deserved it 18 115

Today, I put my travel cup of coffee on the shelf behind me while getting a haircut. When I left, I picked up my coffee and cell phone. A block later, the barber had chased me down to get his cell phone back. Yep, I had two phones in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 297

Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 688

You deserved it 4 046

Today, I found out my ex-girlfriend from a few months ago is dating a metalhead. I’m a metalhead and she did not care to explore metal when she was with me. Everything she didn’t care about me, she loves in him. He’s also better at guitar than I am too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 270

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 158

You deserved it 7 752

Today, I was at a restaurant with some friends, trying to be cultured by ordering in French. I confidently said to the waiter, “Je voudrais le poulet, s'il vous plaît.” The waiter stared at me and said, “Sir, this is a Chinese restaurant.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 854