Awkward

Not cut out for this

By Anonymous - 18/12/2016 02:10

Today, I took my girlfriend skydiving for her birthday. I insisted on joining her to make it a memory for us both, despite my fear of heights. I passed out twice mid-freefall and had to be saved by the instructor both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 831

You deserved it 1 424

Thanks for the support

By Time2Diet - 31/05/2022 12:00

Today, I had a Zoom interview. My chair decided to break from under me. CRACK! One leg broke. I tried to compose myself and played it off. CRACK! The second leg gave out and I couldn't hold myself up anymore and fell down with it. The interviewer promptly stopped the interview and said, "We’ll be in touch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 159

The help's helped

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 08:02

Today, my husband has some issues, and has been going to therapy every week after losing his job, so I've been paying the therapist's hourly rate. Turns out they’ve been using the hour to fuck like bunnies, no therapy has ever taken place, and I’ve been paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 292

You deserved it 171

Boo! Get better material!

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 18:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I recently met. He was quite funny throughout our meal, so I came home and told my flatmate all about him and the stories he'd told me. My flatmate said, "Hang on…", pulled out his laptop, and showed me some videos. All my date's jokes were stolen from Ricky Gervais. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 158

The manosphere problem

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 22:00

Today, I walked out of a date after he told me feminism is "ruining society" and tried to convince me, with articles he had saved on his phone, that the female orgasm isn’t real like a man’s is FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 231

Double take

By Anonymous - 01/04/2022 02:00

Today, I walked into a job interview, then turned round and walked back out again. The interviewer was a one-night stand that ended very badly months ago, and she remembered me. I could see in her face the interview was pointless, so instead of grovelling I went to the pub to drown my sorrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 553

By Emmz91 - 17/06/2019 23:03

Today, I tried keeping a surprise secret from my fiance. Turns out, under the influence of my sleeping tablets, which after I take them, I forget everything I've said, I spilled the beans. So much for the surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 306

Don't do it

By Anonymous - 13/07/2022 16:00

Today, my wife has been trying to talk our daughter out of getting married, because it would be throwing her life away when she’s so young, and it would make her miserable in the long run. It’s getting a little hard not to take it personally since we’ve been married for over 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 193

A bit lax

By shitty situation - 02/10/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I shit my pants. I don’t even remember trusting a fart. As in, it literally just fell out of my ass. I’m only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 109

Jingle bells

By LonelyThisChristmas - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my stepmum told me that the Christmas dinner she is cooking tomorrow will cost £25 a head. I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn't. Now I'm spending Christmas alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 678

You deserved it 805

Nostalgia

By Alex - 14/04/2022 12:00

Today, I got a Facebook friend request from an ex-schoolmate from my high school. He was the same piece of shit who used to bully me at the time. He's now a psychologist. I guess my life was meant to be bollocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 154

It's alive!

By jabba - 05/10/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 741

You deserved it 34 980

Time to lay down the law

By Christiana Lipphardt - 09/07/2021 20:01

Today, I was told that my in-laws are visiting next weekend. I already have anxiety, as they behaved really badly last time and treat our newborn like a toy and keep bothering her. My husband won't say anything as he wants to spare their feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 171

Looking the part

By Steampunk Woes - 28/04/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I did a themed circus performance, then went out to small club afterwards, still in my outfit. Three people asked me to join them and chat. Apparently they thought I was ''a strung out prostitute on ketamine'' and ''didn't want anything bad to happen to (me)''. I guess I looked like a Victorian-era hooker? FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 205

But my grandbabiiiiiiies!

By Anonymous - 21/09/2021 02:00

Today, my mother was sneaking through my underwear and found my condoms and the bills from the hospital where I had my IUD inserted. She then started yelling at me, saying that I didn't have permission to not have children and that, "I get to choose, not you." I'm 28 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 332

You deserved it 203

Not today, Satan

By Anonymous - 14/03/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, I briefly considered coming out to my parents when the topic of LGBTQ+ people came up in conversation, until my dad called them “socially deranged.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 291

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 22/07/2010 05:52 - United States

Today, while having sex for our first time, my boyfriend decided to test out a theory he heard about, that conversation during sex makes it more enjoyable. His way of doing it? He looked me straight in the eye and asked, "How 'bout them Brewers?" We're from Wisconsin. That's our local sports team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 096

You deserved it 5 290

WTF are you doing?

By Anonymous - 13/03/2011 03:09 - United States

Today, while at the bakery section of my local supermarket, I heard the beat of what I assumed was a song playing. I really got into it, and bobbed my head and danced a little. After getting some strange looks, I realized the "beat" was a machine mixing frosting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 940

You deserved it 41 686

Not a great sign, really

By anon - 30/08/2024 12:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I posted what I thought was a cute selfie on Instagram with the classic caption, "Feeling cute, might delete later." A few minutes later, my crush commented, "No need to wait, the delete button is right there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 568

Policy of truth

By Lisaaa - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 850

You deserved it 35 103

Hungover

By RedheadA - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 673

You deserved it 3 698

Going too far

By cad515 - 07/07/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try role play. She suggested I be a robber, so I went outside and tried to break in my window, wearing nothing but my underwear and a ski mask on. She decided it would be funny to call the cops, because it would, "add to the mood." They came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 473

Teenage Riot

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 19:59

Today, my teenage son reacted to the news of his cousin's death like I’d just told him a bug got squashed on a car windscreen. He didn’t even look away from his computer screen, or react in any way. He seemed more annoyed that I’d interrupted him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 207

Fresh-faced

By jakob - 09/04/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I pulled up to a party with my friends. I never partied in high school and college due to being bullied, so I was excited for my first party. It turned out to be a college house party, I'm a little older by 3 years but it’s no big deal. They mistook me for a freshman and I was bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 158

Oh no

By marriedwithfamily - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on my honeymoon to Hawaii. My family decided to surprise my new husband and I by joining us on our vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 738

You deserved it 3 592

Is it technically cheating or not?

By Anonymous - 01/10/2023 08:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I found out that my ex has a “new” girlfriend. I’ve been romantically involved with the ex off and on since our breakup 2 years ago, which just so happens to be how long they’ve apparently been dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 772

Someone thinks highly of themselves

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 10:00

Today, on my first day, I tried to ask my new boss a question, she visibly recoiled and actually gave me the, “I already have a boyfriend” line, and shut her door in my face, then locked it. I still need my question answered before I can start working, so I guess I’ll just sit and do nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 106

But was he cute though?

By Leah Truncale - 24/11/2020 13:58 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I met a boy on Snapchat. I sent him my picture and he said I was cute. We talked for a bit, and I said, "Okay" to something. Then he sent his picture, but my slow Wi-Fi made it look like I said okay to his picture, right after he'd called me cute. I tried to explain, but he said I was just trying to be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 175

Blankity Blank

By Anonymous - 17/01/2013 17:15 - United States - Savage

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 565

You deserved it 16 339

Incognito browsing

By Anonymous - 26/05/2020 23:00

Today, my dad is super overprotective and can view my search history through his phone. I'd downloaded the Google app to be able search for things he wouldn't approve of. I just realized I've been making all these searches on my school account. I go to a private school and they can view my search history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 2 486

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I had a mental breakdown. Many things have been going completely wrong in my life, and I finally decided to let my boyfriend know about it. After about an hour of explaining and pouring my heart out, his response was, "I think we were better off as friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 365

You deserved it 5 524

Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 053

You deserved it 3 036

Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 686

You deserved it 12 254

Today, a teenage Costco cashier whispered to me, “Things WILL get better.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 83

Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 331

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find no toilet paper and a piece of shitty wallpaper in the bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 441

You deserved it 2 797