Dating

Foreshadowing

By Anonymous - 22/05/2021 17:01

Today, I was talking to the girl I have a date with on Friday, and for the second day in a row, I misheard her and thought she was saying something about moving in with me. Friday is our first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 303

Congratulations, you played yourself

By What have I done - 19/05/2024 10:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I asked a girl from Bumble for a full body pic. She was obese, so I told her it wasn’t gonna work. She then sent a video of her in real time looking slim and told me that picture was from when she was obese, and she'd sent that picture as a “test of my character” and she’s “better off without someone so judgy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 1 355

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 08/03/2023 20:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a blind date. Not only I had already been on a date with the guy before, we'd also had both forgotten about it until halfway through the dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 255

Are men OK?

By Anon - 14/07/2023 10:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I had a manbaby on a dating app tell me that I should experience more transphobia, because I declined to sleep with him behind his wife's back. Dating as a trans person is hard enough, but WTF, dude? FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 413

Self own + Karma

By Anonymous - 07/03/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 1 869

Abandoned

By Anonymous - 30/07/2015 06:56 - Australia

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out, "Hello" had turned into a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 721

You deserved it 2 357

By Chaznuts - 08/09/2009 06:22 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 560

You deserved it 5 207

So, about Valentine's…

By Anonymous - 17/02/2023 16:00 - United States - Sheppton

Today, I witnessed a drunk woman going on a manic, unhinged rant about her vagina. It would’ve been funny if she wasn’t my blind date. The worst part is that we were at my favorite restaurant, and I can probably never show my face there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 191

That's kinda sweet

By rond9 - 06/06/2021 04:01

Today, after spending the night with my girlfriend for the first time, I discovered why she would always want to rush home after dinner dates. Her stomach gurgles so loudly after eating, I can hear it in the next room over, with the TV on. This apparently happens no matter what she eats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 156

Smuckle time

By Anonymous - 26/01/2022 10:59

Today, my husband asked me to meet him at 6 for our date night, but I ended up being 45 minutes late. Turns out he predicted my lateness and had booked the restaurant for 7, not 6. He knows me so well, but sometimes I hate the smug smarmy bellend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 3 913

Brain fogged

By boohoo - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Amstelveen

Today, I was on a date with a very intelligent and handsome guy. I was so nervous that when he was telling me about his twin sister, I asked him if they were identical twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 783

You deserved it 21 372

Just be yourself

By iQuit - 27/08/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I decided to quit dating. I'm a plus-sized girl and I can’t get a guy to save my life. On dating apps they run for the hills when they see my full body. I even tried dating plus-size guys and even they have standards. I fucking hate society’s “ideal” beauty norms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 559

First and last date

By hairless by death - 13/08/2013 16:07 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 311

You deserved it 4 245

Alexa, play "Policy of Truth" by Depeche Mode

By is there a environmental scientist in the house? - 05/03/2013 08:48 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 593

You deserved it 76 746

The long scam

By Rachelle - 20/07/2021 22:01

Today, I went on a second date with a seemingly great guy. Over drinks, I asked him what his plans for the future were. He replied that he wanted to have at least two kids, so he could start a family vlog prank channel. I laughed. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 126

Richard?

By fartbucket51995129565 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - New York

Today, after having asked me out on Monday, the guy I like angrily cancelled our date because I "hadn't bothered" even talking to him for "several days". One day. You didn't hear from me on Monday. It's now Tuesday. That's one day, dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 605

You deserved it 6 948

Mixed signals

By Mark - 27/03/2017 09:00 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I asked out a coworker I really like. She gave me a weird look and said, "You're not gay?" I said no, to which she said, "Well, I am". As it turns out, I was the only one who thought she was straight, and the only one who thought I was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 851

You deserved it 388

That went well

By Anonymous - 14/06/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 668

Nature calls

By Anonymous - 27/03/2023 14:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I was on a first date with a guy I met online. He seemed nice at first, but as we were walking he suddenly stopped and said, "I have to pee." He walked over to urinate on a nearby tree while I awkwardly stood there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 157

A tale as old as time

By Anonymous - 04/06/2023 04:00 - United States - Miami Beach

Today, I went out with a girl, I paid for the drinks, and thought everything went well, even though I didn’t make a move, I guess I wanted to take it slow. I texted later to invite her to a private beach next week, only for her to reply that she’s not gonna be available for the next few weeks because her boyfriend is coming to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 178

Overly emotional

By hhhhhhhh - 31/03/2023 00:00

Today, my date received food she didn’t order, and instead of eating it without complaint, she sent it back. When I got up to leave, she began to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 2 241

I'm trash

By skreweduP - 15/06/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his Facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 335

You deserved it 3 801

Classic move

By rejecteddd - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. Right after I arrived there, he excused himself to go to the bathroom. He never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 572

You deserved it 5 200

Catfished

By Iman - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 194

You deserved it 294 116

I'm not the main character in this scene

By Anonymous - 21/12/2023 00:00 - Norway

Today, I went to the movies with a girl I like, then we went to grab a bite afterwards. She spent most of the time telling me how much she dislikes my best friend because he hooked up with a new girl. I then found out the two had been "talking" for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 122

Booty-full

By Enya - 26/07/2022 12:00

Today, the guy from college my sister set me up with told me I'm too nice to continue lying to. Turns out he's one of my sister's booty calls and she bribed him to go on a date with me so I'd stop being so miserable and depressing. Apparently he didn't want to take me out, so the bribe was she'd let him do butt stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 167

No third base for you

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 281

Overdoing it

By elsaza - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was on a date with my new boyfriend. I acted very flirty and laughed very loudly to show him how funny he was. I laughed so loudly that I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 431

You deserved it 22 998

Dating is hell

By Anonymous - 15/05/2022 02:00

Today, I got stood up on a date. To add insult to injury, meeting up was her idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 108

Unlucky in love

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 10:00 - United States - Martinsburg

Today, it was supposed to be my first date with a girl I've been speaking to for three months. Last night, she revealed that she's still married, that her husband is "not so bad", and then confessed it all to him and blocked me. It was gonna be my first date in six years, after the last one stalked me across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 166

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my wife announced that she wants to pull our son out of school and homeschool him, because the “liberals” made schools into indoctrination centers that teach children to be, and accept, “gay pedophiles” and other “woke-ass bullshit.” Sometimes I ask myself what I saw in this lunatic lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 1 426

Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 455

You deserved it 360

Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 179

You deserved it 1 614

Today, after spending years volunteering at community theatres and being accepted into a prestigious university for theatrical design, my public high school gave me a scholarship. All my mother could say was, "I'm sorry they wasted their money on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 299

You deserved it 214

Today, someone sent my boss a CD full of documents for an upcoming trial. It's my job to sort through the evidence, so he gave it to me. I looked on the CD. There's only one file; a 1020-page PDF of all the documents we need, and the pages weren't scanned in order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 799

You deserved it 2 458

Today, I discovered that my new landlords must meet and approve guests of mine before they come over, and guests are not allowed when they aren't home or past 11pm. I'm 25 years old and just moved out of my parents' home to get away from my controlling mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 181

You deserved it 4 119