Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

#21091753
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42740) - you deserved it (6006)

On 03/20/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by KEA_08 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

KEA_08's comment about their FML

OP here, he was a lovely man until this. Weeks before this date he talked about Pete as if he were a real person. I thought I was going to meet his best friend...which I guess I did in one sense.

See all the comments

Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML

#21091737
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36581) - you deserved it (3848)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:48pm - work - by systematicpanic (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

systematicpanic's comment about their FML

I'm in second year of uni, and it was a nap i took to psyche myself up for starting the next essay I have to submit by Monday :P so yeah stress is the word!

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I was making a special birthday delivery for a customer. As I handed her the fruit basket, I said, "Hey, we have the same birthday! Happy birthday!" She called me an attention whore and slammed the door in my face. FML

#21091243
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36392) - you deserved it (4793)

On 03/19/2014 at 9:38pm - work - by Ma_Nikka - United States (California)

Ma_Nikka's comment about their FML

Heyy! First I just wanna say happy belated birthday to those who shared the same birthday as me: #30 yeti37, #39 Shaowolf, and #66 amvelasco19's dad because I'm NOT an attention whore. So yes the customer ending up calling back claiming that she didn't receive her box of chocolate dipped apples along with her bouquet of chocolate dipped fruit that I delivered earlier. Since she signed the tag showing she had received her delivery my boss said that the delivery was successful and we don't have the box in our walk-in and that there's nothing we can do. We had the box and my boss let me have it. Karmas a bitch. Being in customer service I was genuinely just trying to be friendly as I have been with previous customers. This was the first time someone was rude. However I enjoyed my birthday anyway and thank you all for wishing me happy birthday! :D

See all the comments

Today, I realized I'm so scared of my manager that I don't even dare to quit my job. The same job I want to quit exactly because I'm so scared of her. FML

#21089127
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33092) - you deserved it (8907)

On 03/17/2014 at 3:41pm - work - by outthelabyrynth - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

outthelabyrynth's comment about their FML

First things first: I'm a girl, and I'm not a prostitute. (That would pay much better, though)

I work at a restaurant with several managers who are all quite nice, but she's the boss of the whole restaurant so she's in charge of everything.

Now the thing is, she's quite nice to everyone... Except to me. I don't know what she has against me, but working with her is like getting a constant shitstorm over you. Always mean comments, giving me the worst tasks, and no matter how I improve myself, it's never good enough. She keeps telling me I'm too stupid to work there (which I'm not, I have higher qualifications than everyone there, but I need the money to save up for college) and when other people make a mistake, she blames me for it.

At this restaurant, when you want to quit, you have to tell her personally. The worst she can do is indeed yell at me. I'm not a shy person, but when people get angry at me or start yelling, I get really quiet and submissive and I feel like shit. I'll probably search for another job first, and then make up a believable story for why I want to quit, so she can't get too mad at me.

Thanks for all the support and I'll do my best to stand up!

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I had an elaborate fantasy of what I would do if I became a cat and how I would make my way to my crush's house to be their cat. FML

#21088881
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33359) - you deserved it (8318)

On 03/17/2014 at 8:15am - animals - by emmaavk88 (woman) - United Arab Emirates

emmaavk88's comment about their FML

If that was true, double F my life! Luckily he isn't, I made sure of that -OP

See all the comments

Today, my dad told me that I can't wear leggings on Friday nights, because, "your butt is too distracting for my poker buddies." FML

#21088875
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42462) - you deserved it (11359)

On 03/17/2014 at 7:58am - intimacy - by JustClaire95 (woman) - United States (California)

JustClaire95's comment about their FML

I'll prob just wear jeans from now on. Though it'd be funny to see them react to a mini skirt lol!

See all the comments including 6 other original poster's reactions

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

#21088813
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43371) - you deserved it (3921)

On 03/17/2014 at 4:05am - intimacy - by HanBroman (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

HanBroman's comment about their FML

Op here, I know the doctors right. It's something I'd suspected for a while but I guess I was in denial. before it happens it feels nice, like I'm getting really close and then BAM all the pleasure stops and is replaced by frustration and sensitivity until i have to ask him to stop because it's so unpleasant. (I've tried pushing on and eventually it goes numb) and this is predominantly from clitoral stimulation. internally i feel even less. I've tried everything. vibrators, special lube, oral (which I actually hate), all kinds of things. I have an extremely supportive boyfriend who is willing to try absolutely anything but nothing helps and it's been a year since we became sexually active. it's become very hard for me to get turned on now since I find there's nothing to look forward to about sexual activity.

See all the comments including 22 other original poster's reactions

Today, a lady who works for my husband confided in me that they've been sleeping with each other and now she's pregnant. She didn't know I was his wife. FML

#21088502
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53860) - you deserved it (2900)

On 03/16/2014 at 9:40pm - love - by naesha (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

naesha's comment about their FML

hey guys. Thanks for the positive comments. I guess she dididn't didn't realize I was his wife. Ib had twin a month ago and I brought them to the office. Here is when she sit down and decided to play with the boys. She went on to tell me about the affair & that shit is expecting. as for what I done I got up and left. I'm currently packing as I type.

See all the comments including 8 other original poster's reactions

Today, while mowing, I found a baby bunny and took a picture of it. 20 minutes later, I accidentally ran over said bunny with the mower. FML

#21086889
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38273) - you deserved it (18666)

On 03/14/2014 at 10:43pm - animals - by KennyJF7 - United States (Texas)

KennyJF7's comment about their FML

I'm the OP, and the bunny was in a patch of grass oddly taller than the rest, and I didn't know it was there until I backed up because I thought I hit a tennis ball for my dog.

See all the comments

Today, I had to explain to my neighbours that I wasn't "watching porn" earlier, and that I was honestly just watching an episode of Game of Thrones. FML

#21086741
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35395) - you deserved it (4408)

On 03/14/2014 at 6:59pm - misc - by sh3lbst3r (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

sh3lbst3r's comment about their FML

The only reason they could hear it was because my apartment has pretty thin walls and I was doing dishes, watching it on my laptop beside me. The volume was cranked so I could hear it and of course that suuuuper long scene with Little Finger and the two girls came on -_- They were good about the whole thing and laughed it off and I promised to turn it down.

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, I went shopping for a wedding dress at a fancy store. The proprietor took one look at me, said they don't have any dresses large enough for me, and asked me to leave. No wonder my self-confidence is in the gutter. FML

#21086617
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38802) - you deserved it (6381)

On 03/14/2014 at 4:07pm - love - by DarthVerona (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

DarthVerona's comment about their FML

Ok, OP here. The first woman I asked did not even attempt to size me, just sent me to the 'plus' section. When I got to the plus section, she did not size me either, but looked me up and down and asked me what size t-shirt I wear. I usually wear a medium when I wear stretchy tees, large when I don't. She told me they will not have anything in my size in white ever. I should not go other places, either, I should just call and that way I don't have to be disappointed everywhere I go. Thank you guys for your words of encouragement, but I think I'm just going to not get a dress.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, we finally moved into our new home, which my husband and I got mostly so our kids could have fun in the spacious backyard. The moment they stepped into the backyard, they were terrorized by the neighbor's dogs, and now refuse to go outside. FML

#21085720
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38188) - you deserved it (4117)

On 03/13/2014 at 2:26pm - kids - by cassie611 (woman) - United States (Texas)

cassie611's comment about their FML

OP here, set things straight, our Realtor told us they had SMALL dogs, these are not little animals as she claimed them to be. Yes we do have a fence, I would not have taken it lightly if the dogs were in our yard scaring them. My kids are 2 & 1 so the loud barking and jumping on the fence does scare them. I do plan on talking to the neighbor but my 1 year old is scared of dogs period so introducing them will not help. I plan on talking to the neighbors and seeing if maybe an hour or so a day when my kids go outside if they can bring the dogs in. I hope a compromise can be made..

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, my boyfriend asked why I never let him go down on me. I told him that it doesn't do much for me, even though it really does. I didn't have the courage to tell him that it's because he acts like a rabid dog when he does. FML

#21084640
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40403) - you deserved it (8773)

On 03/12/2014 at 3:44am - intimacy - by tayymeds (woman) - United States (California)

tayymeds's comment about their FML

So yes, I agree that I completely deserve it because I won't be blunt with him. I just don't want him to get insecure about it, like he has with other intimate things. I drop hints by not showing response when he starts to act like I'm a chew toy, but it doesn't work. I have however, brought up the idea of watching movies with him, he's agreed to it, so maybe I'll lightly drop the bomb there....
But all in all, he's a great man and an exceptional lover--just not with that one bit of foreplay.
Thanks for the laughs and opinions!

See all the comments



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: