You Were Right: Your Relationship Really Is Making You Fat

According to a study conducted by the University of Queensland, Australia, that analyzed data from more than 15,000 people over a time span of 10 years, your significant other actually is making you fat.
The study found that those in a couple weighed on average 12.7 pounds more than people who were not in relationships, with an average weight gain of 3.9 pounds per year. Holy cow! (Cooked medium, with a side of french fries, please.)
This news hardly comes as a shock, as it is exactly what everyone has already been saying. When you're in a relationship, you've already got someone who finds you attractive enough to sleep with you, and binge watching netflix on the couch with take-out chinese is much more appealing than hitting the gym. Besides, you get all the exersise you need doing the hanky-panky, right?
"Satisfaction is positively associated with weight gain," says head researcher Andrea Meltzer. "Spouses who are more satisfied tend to gain more weight, and spouses who are less satisfied tend to gain less weight."
On the bright side, the study also found that couples tend to smoke and drink less than their single counterparts, which is also the most makes-sense-y thing to ever make sense, considering people in committed relationships aren't going out as much. There's also (hopefully) something to be said about being motivated by your partner to be the best person you you can be, which results in you eating your veggies and not binge drinking Thursday through Sunday. Apparently, that motivation just happens to not apply for eating your weight in crispy creams.
I sure hope they are working on that burning issue: “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”