By Anonymous - Pakistan - Islamabad

When someone submits a selfie in the FML Photo category…

…we publish it, because we're sarcastic sadists.

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Commando

Priorities

By acnegirl - United States

Today, I was romantically cuddling with my boyfriend. He looked deep into my eyes, stared lovingly at me, and said, "I never noticed, but you have the most adorable freckles on your face..." Blushing, I tilted my head to the side. He then said, "Oh, never mind, those are just your blackheads." FML

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By TMI - United States

Today, I was opening and sorting mail for my boss as part of my job. One package was delivered to the office instead of his home by mistake, since his house is next door on the same property. I didn't notice until I had opened it. I had to hand my boss an opened box of toys. Kinky ones. FML

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By ehwat - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML

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By duncan74 - France - Balma

Today, my cats found a new game to play. They each sit on either side of the cat flap, and take turns hitting it. Clack, clack. Clack, clack. At 3 am. Clack, clack. Clack, clack. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2021 14:02

Flattery will get you nowhere

Today, my mother told me I've gained so much weight recently, she thinks I should get gastric bypass surgery. FML

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By Anonymous

A rock and a hard place

Today, I got back from a camping trip after being homesick for 3 weeks. I couldn't remember why I had wanted to be away from my family for so long when I signed up for it. When I got home, I remembered. Everyone in my family hates each other. I want to go back to the camping site. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend's attention by taking my bra off and tossing it at him. He only put it on as a hat and kept playing his video games. FML

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By OfficeFatty - United States

Today, my skinny co-worker complained that sitting just underneath the AC vent was making her too cold. My boss had us switch places, because "your mass keeps you warm anyway". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a funny smelling liquid was sprayed all over the computer. Last week, I told my fully pottytrained but extremely reluctant toddler that he couldn't play Barney games until he used the big boy toilet. A 4 year old's revenge really sucks. FML

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By Excalibur6669 - United States - Parlin

Today, my sister is having a New Year's Eve party at our house. I'm not invited. FML

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By GeneralElement - United States

Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said, "Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML

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By Frozen Delight - United States - New York

Bewitched

Today, my husband and our 4-year-old daughter were watching My Little Pony. When her favorite character angrily screamed, "You're going to love me!", she looked at him with a perplexed look. My husband then responded, "And THAT'S how I met your mommy!" FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2020 05:01

Vicious and unprovoked

Today, while I was playing football with a friend, my sister wanted to join in. She was messing around with the ball at the start, then suddenly she kicked the ball through my legs, pulled my shorts down and kneed me in the nuts. FML

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By madi - United States

Today, I woke up with my eye swollen half shut. To spare the embarrassment, I asked my mom if I could stay home from school. She said no, but also attempted to make me feel better by saying that with my eye, my acne was unnoticeable. FML

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By hobo no-no - 10/11/2020 08:00 - United States

Broke

Today, I saw my ex asking for change outside a store. I was so shocked and sad to see him in such a position, I offered to take him home with me, let him shower and cook him a good meal. He laughed in my face and said, "Nah, I just do this for some quick bucks. It’s easier than working." FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

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By rusty2020 - United States

Today, we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see that they misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I dropped my knitting project while I was sitting down, but I managed to catch it between my legs. So my knitting needles also caught me. FML

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By all puked out - Netherlands

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

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By aintgotnoteeth

Today, after 6 dentist visits, 2 root canals, and $1,500 that I'll likely have to sell vital organs to pay, the agonizing tooth pain I've had for months is unrelenting. Apparently, shrugging and offering to experimentally yank all my bottom teeth is my smurf-shit of a dentist's actual plan. FML

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By Brad - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I went to dinner with my girlfriend of 2 months. This would have been great, had I not been nodding absentmindedly when she suggested that we start planning our wedding soon, because "she's always dreamt of being married on the same day as Brad and Angelina." FML

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By inthedark - Canada

Today, I found out why my five-year-old has been throwing tantrums while shopping. It turns out my ex-husband has been paying her three dollars for every public tantrum she throws. FML

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By Laundrylady - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat doing my clothes when I noticed a cute guy next to me. I tried to be a ninja and sneak my sock into his basket so I could start a conversation with him. He saw me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

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By Brastro - Ireland

Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML

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By Blah - United States

Today, I had to go to my son's school for career day, I explained what a banker does and then I asked if anyone had a question, one boy raised his hand and asked "When are all the cool parents gonna come?" FML

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By Kbug

Today, while my man of almost 5 years was playing a video game with his friends, during one of the conversations they were having, one of his childhood friends asked “What do you see in her?” He replied, “I don't know, it’s more of an entrapment type of thing.” FML

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By raerae - Germany

Today, I received my camera in the mail that my mom sent from home since I forgot it when I moved to Italy. It was wrapped in 4 layers of bubble wrap and packed in foam peanuts to keep it from getting broken. As I was removing the last layer of bubble wrap I dropped it, breaking the screen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

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By Poopie - Canada

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

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By Marty - United States

Today, I've gotten the most calls of my life. Turns out the idiot who changed the sign on my local Pizza Hut put up the wrong phone number. My phone number. I've already received 16 calls. FML

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By bad boss

Today, I had to reprimand an employee for her bad attitude and terrible work performance. She went to HR and said I harassed her for being gay. Guess who they believed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to go through the embarrassment and pain of telling my parents I was pregnant. I took the test and it came out positive and I was freaking out. I got grounded for the rest of the year and they're really disappointed in me. Five minutes ago, I got my period. FML

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By cocacola999 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety, I was trying to take part in conversations. So, when a girl mentioned she had a doctor's appointment next morning, I blurted out: "What kind of a doctor?" Everyone stared as she responded: "A gynaecologist." FML

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By Jodie - Australia

Today, I had to change my mobile number because I was getting abused by a guy, so I sent my new number to all of the people on my contact list. Including him. FML

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By EpicMayonnaise - United States

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

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By lyfisdyno - United Kingdom - Malvern

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

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By Alone - United States - Chapel Hill

Today, my girlfriend found a letter I'd written to myself for moral support while we were broken up, in which I explained why we would never work out. Apparently I made a convincing argument. FML

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By Mike

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML

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Top comments

By Arashikage | 18

#7462882 - Wednesday 31 May 2017 4:25

This isn't instagram

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7462864 - Wednesday 31 May 2017 2:19

I was so confused seeing that among the FML moderations.
FML--for being gorgeous?

COMMENTS

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7462864 - Wednesday 31 May 2017 2:19

I was so confused seeing that among the FML moderations.
FML--for being gorgeous?

By storm74 | 9

#7462869 - Wednesday 31 May 2017 3:17

This man is beautiful. Post more of his selfies, please.

Reply

Arashikage | 18

#7462882 - Wednesday 31 May 2017 4:25

This isn't instagram

By RichardPencil | 29

#7462890 - Wednesday 31 May 2017 5:49

Looks like he lies a lot

Reply

Cali | 54

#7463406 - Thursday 1 June 2017 1:03

WAIT. WAS THAT A PINOCCHIO JOKE???

By Suaria | 37

#7462921 - Wednesday 31 May 2017 8:14

This guy is a cutie. Hot damn.

By Cali | 54

#7462948 - Wednesday 31 May 2017 10:06

You're supposed to roast him, not compliment him! Gosh dang it.

Reply

RichardPencil | 29

#7463141 - Wednesday 31 May 2017 17:10

Hey, I tried!

By C8H18 | 33

#7463323 - Wednesday 31 May 2017 21:54

Great job with those fake eyebrow scars. Maybe you could shave that pedo-stache and douche-strap too.

Reply

Cali | 54

#7463405 - Thursday 1 June 2017 1:00

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!

Reply

Kyle Grimes-Ward | 6

#7559446 - Thursday 2 November 2017 8:50

Cute? Noooo. What that nose do tho?????

By hunterseal | 18

#7463532 - Thursday 1 June 2017 8:38

Dem eyebrows tho

By sisoladra | 20

#7466028 - Tuesday 6 June 2017 8:55

hey don't hate on a guy for rocking his fave logo as eye brows he just really really loves adidas ?

By young_stud | 14

#7466264 - Tuesday 6 June 2017 19:29

"…we publish it, because we're sarcastic sadists."

FML.com, if you want to post pictures of random people on your site, then just do it. It's your site, you can do what you want on it. We don't need to know why you did it, no one cares.

By CFSH01 | 11

#7715521 - Sunday 28 October 2018 19:54

If this guy gets a nosebleed it's game over.