By Lewis What is going on in public bathrooms My dad told me that I can be whatever I want, so i became a drunk fireman 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By InsomniacToBe - United States - Saint George Today, I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend had become a vicious serial killer and was hunting me down because I broke up with him. I don't know what scares me more: the way he hunted me in my sleep, or the fact that it wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 26890 You deserved it 3846 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Michaelichael - United States Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML I agree, your life sucks 148105 You deserved it 11668 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By liLbob6598 - United States Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house. FML I agree, your life sucks 47867 You deserved it 2625 213 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By copper - United States Today, a cop pulled me over because there was a sign hidden behind a tree that said "No left turn". As I was getting my ticket, I watched as three cars turned left. The cop saw them, laughed, and said, "I guess you're the unlucky one." FML I agree, your life sucks 43818 You deserved it 3641 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, I stubbed the same toe three times in fifteen minutes. How? My sister moved most of the furniture in the house to the left by a few inches, because she thought it would be funny to watch me get confused and suffer. FML I agree, your life sucks 49455 You deserved it 7090 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pornhastaughtmenothing - United States - Tacoma Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML I agree, your life sucks 42270 You deserved it 11559 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon - United States Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML I agree, your life sucks 43944 You deserved it 4102 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Twysted91 - United States - Milford Today, I was rushed to the emergency room in crippling pain, thanks to a very dangerous cluster of cysts on my ovaries that could rupture at any time. My boyfriend took this news as my way of denying him sex and broke up with me for "going to obscene lengths" to emasculate him. FML I agree, your life sucks 38807 You deserved it 3183 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By danskinnow - United States Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML I agree, your life sucks 13077 You deserved it 34592 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Chilly Today, my window got busted and won't shut properly. I live in a college dorm room and maintenance says they can't fix it for a couple of days. It's below freezing in my dorm and I can see my breath while trying sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 30244 You deserved it 2606 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Beacon Today, my boyfriend called me pretty. Not because he actually thinks I'm pretty, but because "Hey, how else is a guy supposed to get laid?" FML I agree, your life sucks 59882 You deserved it 7005 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By uugnfg - United States Today, I was doing a job for some people on my street cutting their bushes. After I had finished and went to get my pay, I realized I had gone to the wrong house. They called the police. FML I agree, your life sucks 14543 You deserved it 30270 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By soapysoap - United States Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML I agree, your life sucks 36744 You deserved it 4909 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - New York Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML I agree, your life sucks 50740 You deserved it 5277 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML I agree, your life sucks 52780 You deserved it 7950 298 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By maconda99 - United States Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML I agree, your life sucks 71830 You deserved it 5155 210 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HWS - Canada Today, I sneezed so hard I fell down the stairs. FML I agree, your life sucks 35201 You deserved it 7758 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alycion Today, I took my father to a hockey game. He always has to get pictures with the girls, so while in bag check, he used his breath spray. He got me in the eye, and I was temporarily blinded through most of the first period. FML I agree, your life sucks 1613 You deserved it 131 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By prisonbitch - United States Today, after five different interviews, I got an offer for a great job. I was excited to fill out paperwork and get the ball rolling, until they called and said that I didn't pass the criminal background check. I get off probation in less than a week. FML I agree, your life sucks 13164 You deserved it 38535 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kate - United States - Exton Today, my dog showed me her latest kill. Too bad it was the stuffed animals my dead grandmother had given me as a child that had a lot of sentimental value to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 2043 You deserved it 376 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shrekkk Today, I accidentally connected my phone to my mum's headphones while watching porn. FML I agree, your life sucks 771 You deserved it 2360 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By smellsgood - United States Today, after finishing the laundry, I took clothes out of the dryer and took a big whiff of their delicious clean scent. That was when I noticed that my mom was watching me, and I had just smelled my dad's still-stained underwear that was on top. FML I agree, your life sucks 27306 You deserved it 11309 294 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By iwillcutyou - United States - Port Saint Lucie Charming Today, as I was working in retail, this guy shoved me into the shelves for asking if he needed help with anything, screaming at me that I need to leave him alone. FML I agree, your life sucks 2579 You deserved it 143 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 22/1/2020 18:00 Strange noise Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 2666 You deserved it 180 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Oakland Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent out the invitations she made for my wedding. On them, it says "You are invited to this 'special' event". In the same way, I'm referred to as "special", and my name is misspelled. Hint taken, you bitch. FML I agree, your life sucks 51022 You deserved it 4594 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 02:01 Today, on "Dr. Phil"… Today, my dad got upset when one of his employees showed a romantic interest in my mom. Both parents were totally fine, though, with that same employee announcing his engagement to my 15-year-old sister. FML I agree, your life sucks 1544 You deserved it 100 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nah - United States - San Antonio Today, I started my period. Every time I try to open a tampon, my dog goes crazy thinking it's one of his treats. Now I have to open them with my hair dryer on. FML I agree, your life sucks 24273 You deserved it 2924 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Miami Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML I agree, your life sucks 62060 You deserved it 10017 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and had to go to the bathroom in my dorm. After coming out of the bathroom, I realized I'd let my auto-locking door close behind me. I had to go through the whole dorm, sprint across campus in my bra and underwear, and ask someone for my spare key. FML I agree, your life sucks 6301 You deserved it 1843 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fucking fuck off - United States Today, a customer gave me hell because a high-spec game he bought wouldn't run on his ancient Windows XP PC. I ended up having to profusely apologize and refund him. Whoever coined the phrase "the customer is always right" should probably be shot, run over by a bus, then shot a few more times. FML I agree, your life sucks 26943 You deserved it 1971 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jgw Today, I was certain that over the six years of struggling through my Ph.D., I had culminated in one truly original idea. Until I saw it published in another thesis, from 1953. FML I agree, your life sucks 5637 You deserved it 660 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Andrew - United States - Blackwood Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML I agree, your life sucks 24821 You deserved it 2747 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By OakStake - United States - New York Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML I agree, your life sucks 60153 You deserved it 3406 240 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML I agree, your life sucks 26007 You deserved it 2437 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nobar Today, I learned how to make my fridge colder. I felt that what it was set on felt a little warmer than normal, so I turned it down. Now everything in my fridge is frozen. FML I agree, your life sucks 690 You deserved it 1614 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sleepyt127 - United States Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML I agree, your life sucks 53000 You deserved it 7730 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous We hear it was a great show! Today, I was supposed to be going to Edinburgh to see my favourite band live. I was expecting to be picked up at 8 a.m. for the drive there, but I woke up to a text saying my friend bought tickets for the wrong city. The show he paid was for 2 days ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 1608 You deserved it 123 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By really Today, a customer left their shopping cart behind their car and backed into it. She then came inside and threatened to sue me personally for not sending someone to collect it from where she left it. After 5 minutes of her yelling, I finally got a word in edgeways: I don't work there. FML I agree, your life sucks 6153 You deserved it 341 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By virginwhore Today, my boyfriend's dad called me a whore and said I'm trying to use his son and "steal" his virginity for my own needs. My boyfriend has had sex with over 10 girls and I'm a virgin. FML I agree, your life sucks 45780 You deserved it 3462 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ro - United States Today, my car was stolen. I got it back later without the engine, any of the wheels or my brand new radio and speakers. They even took my car mats. FML I agree, your life sucks 31174 You deserved it 2472 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Akitakat | 31 #7740263 - Wednesday 19 December 2018 15:32 Dude! Get a hold of yourself... before someone else doesđź’š Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By Akitakat | 31 #7740263 - Wednesday 19 December 2018 15:32 Dude! Get a hold of yourself... before someone else doesđź’š Send a private message 1 0 Reply
Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent... I agree, your life sucks 621 You deserved it 135 3 Comments
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much... I agree, your life sucks 845 You deserved it 178 8 Comments