Work: Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's...

By breyn - United States

Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML

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Work

Dangling modifier

Our house, in the middle of our street

Out of it

By Painful - United States

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

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By gassy

Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol...

Today, I have to deliver a wedding speech. I also have a cold. That would be bad enough, but ever since I was a kid, if I cough or sneeze, I also fart. FML

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By zaneey - Australia

Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that when the power goes out at my house, my family thinks you can no longer flush the toilet. FML

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By MenstrualCrampsRuinedMyAcademicFuture - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I vomitted on an Oxford professor during my first university interview. They called me "little miss nervous" in my second interview. FML

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By Philip - Australia

Today, my roommate told me that when he takes a shower he likes to swipe the bar of soap in between his butt cheeks, "like a credit card." I use that soap on my face. FML

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By Allycat - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

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By ohokay - United States - Bronx

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

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By korbo7 - United States - Grand Island

Today, I saw a man help an elderly lady with her tray at the local McDonald's. I wanted to do something nice for him, so I added a couple extra nuggets in his meal. He later came up to me and told me I was dumb and didn't know how to count, and that was why I was working at McDonald's. FML

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By ugly - United States

Today, a total stranger on the bus called me hideous and threw a soda in my face. I only asked him if the seat next to him was taken. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML

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By mislabeled - 27/8/2020 20:05

What did I do?

Today, two friends of almost ten years told my husband they had concerns about our marriage, and basically said they can no longer be friends with me. My husband and I never fight, and have other people tell us they are jealous of our relationship. The worst part is they still want to be friends with him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

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26258

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By gotta euthanize em all - Canada

Today, while at work, I had to spend an hour and a half on the phone, listening to an old lady relive her entire day in excruciating detail. We're not allowed to hang up on customers, and she was extremely quick to dismiss all my attempts to steer the call back on topic. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I got called a "politically correct loser" by a woman at the supermarket, all because I said I didn't want to find out the gender of my baby until birth. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML

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By suhleedah18 - United States

Today, I realized just how bad my problem with making eye contact is, when I caught myself looking the other way when the singer in a music video looked directly at the camera. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

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By bitches. - United States

Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls. I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously. I heard one yell "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing. She said "Oh my god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from your butt!" Apparently, my ass is nicer than my face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a really important meeting for my career. The guy I was supposed to be meeting was driving from across the state, and it was supposed to begin at noon. It's now 4. What if I leave and he shows up after having driven across the state? I don't dare move. FML

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By nohablaespanol - United States - Sanger

Today, I had an interview for a job I really wanted. On my resume, I wrote that I speak conversational Spanish, although I don't. When I arrived for the interview, my interviewer decided to conduct it in Spanish. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Cranbrook

Today, disappointed with my results on a mathematics test, I went over it and realized my teacher had added up the marks incorrectly, leaving me with 17% less than I earned. The person who's supposed to be teaching me math can't even perform basic arithmetic. FML

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By badwaitress - United Kingdom

Today, I was working as a waitress at a wedding. I was trying to clear the tables as quickly as possible and decided to place a half bowl of soup on top of the pile of plates I was carrying. As I was hurrying back to the kitchen I tripped and spilt the soup all over the bride's ivory dress. FML

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By Annette - United States - Seattle

Today, I started my new job. Less than one hour into the day, my boss told me that the reason he hired me was that I was the least attractive of everyone he interviewed, so I'd be less likely to cause a distraction. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I met up with a girl I've been talking to on the internet for a year and a half. Turns out she edits her moustache out of all her photos. FML

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By BakedBat - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

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By Cary - United States

Today, I noticed that my girlfriend has a deeper voice than I do. FML

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By Sorry - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, it's my birthday. I've spent most of it apologizing to my parents for the "hassle" of "having" to arrange a simple birthday dinner. Sorry I was born, guys. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 16:59

Time flies by

Today, long after ten years ago when I answered the door to someone asking if my mummy and daddy were home, and I was 24 and it was my house, I just now got asked if my 30 year-old sister was my daughter. Time has not been kind to me. FML

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By steph - United States

Cropped Out

Today, my cousins cropped me out of a picture of all 6 of us at a wedding, then captioned it, "We have such a good-looking family!" FML

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By sel2207 - France

Today, I lent my brand new earrings to one of my friends. Everyone told her that they are pretty, and look really great on her. I've been wearing them for the last 3 weeks, and no one has ever mentioned them. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was flirting with a guy and we ended up having a deep conversation through text. We were talking all our problems, and saying really sweet things to each other. I THOUGHT he was going to say something else really sweet and cute. He linked me to Suicide Hotline instead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pardeeville

Today, my dad might be dead. I'm basing this solely on the fact that he hasn't called recently to verbally abuse me as he often does. He constantly beat me as a child, yet now I'm kind of worried for the piece of shit. FML

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By moon_paw - United States

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

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By sexychica - United States

Today, I pulled up next to my boyfriend at a stoplight. He was in the back of a police car. FML

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58277

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By Katie - United Kingdom

Today, while on trial for a desperately needed new job, I tripped crossing a road with my would-be manager. I twisted my ankle, and he had to carry me across the road and call a taxi for me to go home. FML

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25120

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By Stan017

Fast and Furious 17: Hot cross buns in the city

Today, I'm fasting for Lent. I'm a copywriter and my current client is a food company. I have to research about, and look at pictures of food all day. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2021 05:00 - Germany - Ebersbach

Wake up bark

Today, my mom taught her dog not to jump onto her bed without "asking". The dog figured that barking would be a good way to ask, and mostly feels the need to do that around 4 a.m. My room is right next to my mom’s, and I already have trouble sleeping. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked". Later, I found another note that said "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

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Top comments

By MrSarary | 26

#6206606 - Thursday 19 February 2015 8:51

Yeah well guess who's getting a bad hair cut next time he comes in? FYL indeed OP.

By MDoremis | 38

#6206618 - Thursday 19 February 2015 9:03

That's disgusting and rude. Sorry you had to clean that up, OP!

COMMENTS

By cornyrob | 33

#6206600 - Thursday 19 February 2015 8:46

Gross....

photographer49 | 22

#6206910 - Thursday 19 February 2015 18:32

#1 thanks for the unnecessary comment.

By 8Dirty1 | 24

#6206602 - Thursday 19 February 2015 8:47

that's got to sting

1dvs_bstd | 41

#6206629 - Thursday 19 February 2015 9:15

come again big fudge, sting or stink?

8Dirty1 | 24

#6206643 - Thursday 19 February 2015 9:56

sting like when he pees

By MrSarary | 26

#6206606 - Thursday 19 February 2015 8:51

Yeah well guess who's getting a bad hair cut next time he comes in? FYL indeed OP.

born_hustla | 26

#6206928 - Thursday 19 February 2015 18:50

Next haircut? I would have chased him and mess up his hair with the razor

By Jasim | 17

#6206607 - Thursday 19 February 2015 8:51

I feel sorry for the both of you, actually.

imapartypooper | 15

#6206707 - Thursday 19 February 2015 13:05

I would feel sorry for the man if he was not a jerk about pissing himself.

invadermaythe1st | 35

#6206759 - Thursday 19 February 2015 15:07

#39 I think he was probably trying to make light of the situation, honestly.

By FluffyPandas156 | 13

#6206608 - Thursday 19 February 2015 8:52

I'd be pissed if someone done that.

JayVicious | 20

#6206680 - Thursday 19 February 2015 11:37

its better to be pissed off then pissed on.

homesuckfucker | 28

#6206710 - Thursday 19 February 2015 13:20

Do you mean, "Better to be pissed off than pissed on," or are you a man that happens to enjoy golden showers?

swanheart | 35

#6206735 - Thursday 19 February 2015 14:42

Nothing better than a golden shower to calm you down when you're angry!

JKPwnage | 25

#6207000 - Thursday 19 February 2015 19:36

In that order?

JayVicious | 20

#6207033 - Thursday 19 February 2015 19:58

ha yes i did mean than. was up for 32 hours. but that was a fuck up that made me laugh. at least it still made sense....in a more fucked up way.

FluffyPandas156 | 13

#6207352 - Friday 20 February 2015 2:53

Took me a while to question myself if you do like golden showers or not.

By PrinPrinLife | 16

#6206612 - Thursday 19 February 2015 8:57

That's messed up.

By SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#6206613 - Thursday 19 February 2015 8:57

I guess it doesn't bother him that he now has to walk around Smelling like urine, sorry OP that should definitely go in the bad day column I hope your day got better after that.