Work and Health: Today, while battling a severe flu, I was forced to come to work...

By now sharing the blessing - 21/11/2018 23:00 - United States - New York

Today, while battling a severe flu, I was forced to come to work by my manager. Upon arrival, I discovered that a colleague he likes who should be covering for me is out today. The reason? Her shoes hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 074

You deserved it 156

Work Health

Best teeth in the game

Another great day to be alive

Vulture

By Bad at life - 18/10/2018 13:30

Today, I pulled a muscle in my face. Chewing gum. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 036

You deserved it 596

By Anonymous - 24/10/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, after my son graduated from nursing school which I, as a single parent, paid for with blood, sweat, and tears, during his grad party he was asked what his next step was. His response was, "Eh, I kinda realized I hate nursing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 340

You deserved it 3 689

Technique

By shiznit - 25/10/2010 19:05 - United States

Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 534

You deserved it 4 269

By babyblues - 20/11/2012 19:45 - United States - Woodhaven

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 854

You deserved it 30 884

By Broke Mama - 24/12/2011 14:38 - United States

Today, with the cost of craft supplies that ended in a DIY fail, then a costume and overnight shipping, I have now spent $90 to obtain a $10 hat and vest for my daughter to play a cow in the school Christmas play. She will say "Moo" three times with 5 other cows before leaving the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 650

You deserved it 7 952

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 01:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 172

You deserved it 3 673

By almost broke - 21/02/2016 13:24 - Czech Republic - Brno

Today, because my fiancé is criminally incompetent at budgeting, I'm now having to pay the first installment for my own wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 483

You deserved it 4 431

By Shantwozzlah - 26/03/2012 16:15 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 739

You deserved it 3 566

By Anonymous - 24/04/2015 17:39 - Qatar - Doha

Today, my boss's incompetent, lazy son got another raise. He only started working here five months ago. Since then he's been promoted twice and given a Bentley as a company car. All this while company profits are in the shitter and the rest of us are facing a wave of layoffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 160

You deserved it 2 062

Butterfingers

By eiregal2 - 15/04/2020 23:00 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I somehow managed to slice open my thumb. The dangerous weapon that caused this to happen? Velcro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 348

You deserved it 168

I'm not drunk, you're drunk!

By katieemw95 - 23/09/2019 04:00

Today, I came home from partying all night, having stayed completely sober. My Dad, blind drunk, told me he was proud of me for staying sober. He claims to have been sober longer than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 106

By dreadedmafia86 - 12/03/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 578

You deserved it 2 438

By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 764

You deserved it 4 210

By psychortiz - 03/06/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 368

You deserved it 16 579

Family Matters

By MeLandes - 28/06/2021 14:01 - United States - Germantown

Today, I found out I will always come in second to my new husband's alcoholic parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 21:04 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 162

You deserved it 4 458

OK sweaty, time for a bath

By Anonymous - 22/06/2020 17:01

Today, I realized my morbidly obese, sweaty sibling is the source of a strange waft I've been smelling when I get home. He'll only shower once a week, so the apartment and furniture smell like sweat and sometimes poo, especially on hot days. I didn't notice until I went outside and stepped back in to follow my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 06/03/2014 02:09 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 193

You deserved it 16 796

By oh no - 29/01/2013 14:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 385

You deserved it 3 440

By foreveryoung - 30/04/2016 16:23 - France

Today, a weird guy approached me and started asking me many questions. I didn't know how to get out of this situation, so I suddenly ran away shouting, "Stranger danger! " I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 859

You deserved it 3 266

By LonelyAF - 12/08/2017 13:00

Today, I was so lonely I called my stalker ex-boyfriend. He was too busy to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 379

You deserved it 4 252

By Checkless chick - 08/05/2013 22:21 - United States

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 084

You deserved it 54 381

By Dunzo15 - 02/05/2009 06:28 - United States

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 045

You deserved it 51 596

By Anonymous - 01/06/2012 18:17 - United States - South Amboy

Today, it was my last day at school before I graduate next week. Ten minutes into lunch break, I was brutally nailed in the neck by a football. Now, not only do I look like I was given a hickey by the Jolly Green Giant himself, I have to wear a neck brace at my graduation ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 581

You deserved it 2 044

By Zak - 23/03/2012 23:10 - United States

Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 168

You deserved it 3 422

Whoops

By Teen - 24/01/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 072

You deserved it 2 974

By wilsmith - 01/02/2010 12:36 - China

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 534

You deserved it 26 543

By Noname - 16/02/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 464

You deserved it 76 632

By Anonymous - 19/09/2015 05:45 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was confiding in my grandma about how lonely I am and how everything in my life seems to be falling apart. While I was in mid-sentence, she rolled her eyes and made a show of removing her hearing aid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 808

You deserved it 3 207

By Anon - 25/08/2015 10:10 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 582

You deserved it 9 070

By floff - 19/09/2017 04:30

Today, I broke a toe. It was not too bad and I can still walk, but the doctors had to tape it to the next toe to help it heal. Turns out I am allergic to the glue on the tape. The pain of the blisters covering two toes and the itch is worst than the break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 456

You deserved it 217

By Anonymous - 23/09/2013 06:15 - United States - San Diego

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 000

You deserved it 3 428

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 10:50 - United States

Today, I found myself actively concerned about what the characters from "Will and Grace" have been doing since the show went off the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 929

You deserved it 17 870

By Anonymous - 06/12/2012 02:32 - United States

Today, my daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right, she was being arrested for shoplifting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 608

You deserved it 2 759

By burnedboy - 18/01/2010 19:39 - United States

Today, I saw Avatar in iMax 3D. Towards the end of the movie I jump, yelled, and spilled my drink all over the people in front of me because I thought a burning piece of ash landed on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 598

You deserved it 44 484

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years (whom I was hoping to have a future with) to talk to him about it, all he said was "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 773

You deserved it 7 327

By Display - 27/09/2012 04:10 - France - Paris

Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 063

You deserved it 7 202

By Drew - 01/06/2019 18:00

Today, I was sitting at home when the police knocked on my door. They came inside, sat me down and told me that both my parents died in a car crash tonight. I started to cry, but about 10 minutes later, I find out they had the wrong person. I feel bad for the other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 691

You deserved it 105

By jobless - 13/02/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, I discovered out of the 20 job applications only one job called me for an interview. They told me to leave after two sentences. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 811

You deserved it 8 392

By Anon - 23/05/2016 10:49 - United States - Lansing

Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 129

You deserved it 1 242

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Top comments

whiskey'swino 15

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Thursday 22 November 2018 5:20

Hopefully you give your manager the flu, serves them right. Karma for making you work.

Dave_Davington 33

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Thursday 22 November 2018 5:12

"Her shoes hurt? Well, your face is killing me." That'll get the point across, I'm sure.

Dave_Davington 33

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Thursday 22 November 2018 5:12

"Her shoes hurt? Well, your face is killing me." That'll get the point across, I'm sure.

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 22 November 2018 5:16

Heel get the boot when they find he has no sole, and heel have nothing to shoe for it.

whiskey'swino 15

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Thursday 22 November 2018 5:20

Hopefully you give your manager the flu, serves them right. Karma for making you work.

zuckerburg 21

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Thursday 22 November 2018 8:21

Best is to sneeze, cough and pretend to pass out several times. Infect as many people as you can. Then as you're asked to leave because you're too sick, go "But my shoes don't hurt"

Ishvah 15

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Thursday 22 November 2018 14:24

The power of the boner.

distortedcognition 17

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Thursday 22 November 2018 17:30

Lick everything

maroongrad 13

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Thursday 22 November 2018 17:48

If he's an asshole and you know it, spread the flu! If he's an asshole and you know it, spread the flu! Cough on his desk, don't wash your hands, hand him paper, do your best, if he's an asshole and you know it, spread the flu!

TumblrweedPasses 11

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Thursday 22 November 2018 20:00

Spit in his coffee, sneeze everywhere If he catches it, good If innocent other workers unfortunately catch it, the whole workplace will call in sick

Phil 14

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Thursday 22 November 2018 21:25

Actually forcing you to work when you're infectious is illegal. Especially if you work with the public, or around food. It could be a major health code violation.