Today, while battling a severe flu, I was forced to come to work...

By now sharing the blessing - 21/11/2018 23:00 - United States - New York

Today, while battling a severe flu, I was forced to come to work by my manager. Upon arrival, I discovered that a colleague he likes who should be covering for me is out today. The reason? Her shoes hurt. FML

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Work

Health

Fairytale ending

You snooze, you lose

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 05:07 - New Zealand

Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML

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By Lalalala - 6/9/2020 02:02 - United States - Austin

Post-it

Today, my boyfriend told me to stay home, because he wanted to come by to give me a birthday surprise. Later on, he came by, posted a note, rung the bell and left. The note was a break up note. FML

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By SmallTownCutie - 29/5/2019 04:13

Today, I finally broke down and told my mom that I'd relapsed with my eating disorder. She told me to quit whining and eat a burger, because she didn't want to pay for another therapy session. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2017 05:00

Today, my little sister, who's still in high school, proved beyond a doubt she's better at my computer repair job than I am. She proved it in front of my customers and my manager, who brushed me aside and offered her a job as soon as she graduates. FML

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By Rimmy Jobs - 21/8/2012 16:39 - United States

Today, after volleyball practice, I noticed my pants were missing. Now I have to go to work wearing spandex bottoms, all because one of my teammates is a thieving douche. FML

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By AtLeastWeCan'tHaveKids - 2/10/2017 23:45

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years and I received our results from a DNA test. We're both very interested in history and ancestry, and wanted to see where in the world we both originated. It turns out we have the same father. FML

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By Shadowfigure23 - 10/7/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I spent most of my morning comforting the guy I love because his fiancée dumped him for some other guy. He continuously told me I had no clue that kind of pain he was in. He dumped me three years ago for the girl that just left him. FML

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By Secondyearcollegekid - 3/10/2018 15:30

Today, one of my housemates licked or bit all 12 of the cupcakes I bought to give to a friend as a thank-you gift. No one will own up to it. FML

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By SeriouslyMakeItStop - 21/3/2014 11:09 - United States - Waco

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

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By kookoocatlady - 1/11/2016 04:31

Today, I kept my cats indoors to be safe on Halloween, making sure to keep the food full and litter boxes clean. After dinner, I got dressed up and spent two hours at a party. When I got home, there was a large, rancid butt-loaf waiting on my bed. Unappreciative little fuckers. FML

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By stickygoober - 20/11/2018 15:00 - United States - Peoria

Today, my boss sent a message to a coworker saying, "We're putting all of you back on the phones because one of you can't stop watching Netflix so corporate thinks you guys don't do anything." That person was me. Everyone's pissed at me now. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

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By Aphrodite - 23/1/2010 21:13 - France

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML

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By Neveragain - 1/7/2013 05:49 - United States - Tampa

Today, while at work, a creepy guy blatantly stared at my chest for a good 40 seconds. Finally snapping out of his trance, he said with a wink, "You forgot your name tag." He was right. FML

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By Don’t know what to think - 16/6/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me with an Eagles cheerleader. I found out when his dad proudly posted about it on Facebook. FML

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By Stargirl - 28/2/2017 07:00 - United States - Modesto

Today, in an attempt to support and encourage my efforts in getting a new job, my boyfriend said, "Imagine having triple what's in your bank account right now!" Triple what's in my bank account right now would be exactly $38.94. FML

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By SouthPaw - 14/1/2015 21:48 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I confronted my wife because I thought the many hours a day she spends at a local coffee shop were so she could smoke. Turns out she's cheating on me. FML

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By DAMMit - 27/7/2009 08:12 - Australia

Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML

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By familyfued - 17/2/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered the terrible things my parents say about my wife while visiting them. They speak in Arabic around us and I've never really been able to understand them. Guess who hasn't only brushed up on his Arabic, but spent the last 6 months teaching his wife. FML

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By guest - 19/6/2014 01:14 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

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By jillydark6609 - 19/9/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

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By badprofessor - 19/9/2014 01:44 - United States - Larchmont

Today, I got an Economics test back from my professor. I got a 17/20. I looked it over and noticed one of the questions was completely right. I checked the textbook he made and the answer was the same. I asked him why it was wrong, and he responded with, "I guess I changed my mind." FML

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By Lotz - 29/8/2018 14:30

Today, I found out that my sister has been stealing money from me. My parents won't do anything because there's "no evidence it was her". She's the only one in this house that spends regularly and has opportunities to take it while no one's around. FML

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By Darth Binks - 1/2/2015 18:48 - Canada

Today, I came back from vacation to find a packet on the company's stress management programs on my desk. I was sent the same packet over my vacation. I got the same packet from my boss as I left. All because I snapped at a co-worker who was throwing a tantrum over the Star Wars trailer. FML

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By Fatty - 15/6/2019 09:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was walking in the mall with my friends when one of them pointed at a store and commented, "Bae Goals." My fat ass thought she said "bagels" and I actually got excited at the thought of eating a bagel, even after I realized my mistake. FML

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By hot_shot - 29/11/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because we watched a movie that Taylor Lautner was in, she claims they made special eye contact and they are destined to be together. FML

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By tiredofbullshit - 8/1/2016 06:06 - United States - Littleton

Today, my dad took my car keys off my keychain and hid them from me. His reasoning was, "I don't want you to be driving during the winter." Guess who has to walk ten miles a day to work, through the New England snow. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 20:00

Let me in!

Today, I was turned away from a private event by security for being a girl. My name is Max; the name on the guest list was Max, but the security meathead insisted Max can only be a man's name and threw me out of the building. I was the event's key lecturer, and without me the event was cancelled. FML

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By Jmdezy - 5/4/2016 15:45 - United States

Today, I was drunk and sent my friend a picture of my penis. He edited the picture and put hands and sunglasses on it before sending it to practically everyone I know. FML

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By Mark - 13/8/2009 22:30 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to approach a girl. I've never done anything like this before. She stared me down, not saying a word, until I felt so little that I just walked away. FML

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By sumerflame07 - 1/12/2010 20:18 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, the elderly lady in front of me had forgotten to pay for her milk. In the spirit of the season, I paid for it and wished her happy holidays. She snatched the milk and gave me an ugly look. Then huffed at me before stomping off. FML

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By Bg2466 - 15/8/2016 03:17 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got a bad review on my work's Facebook page. The girl said I was very rude and I should never work with the public. I was trying to flirt with her. FML

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By stupidquestionsstupidpeople - 30/4/2013 03:32 - United States - Chicago Heights

Today, I met one of my favorite web-comic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

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By nixwolfwood - 19/12/2016 21:14

Today, I woke up to a fog. Literally. A pipe burst in my apartment and scalding water was everywhere. To make matters worse, when I called maintenance he told me he'd come by later, hung up on me, and turned his phone off. He did eventually show up, but it was 5 hours later, well after I'd paid a plumber $200. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2015 03:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML

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By ChestExploding - 20/11/2013 23:53 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I tripped and fell, damaging my sternum and making it incredibly painful to breathe in or out too much. About ten minutes later, I got the hiccups. FML

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By whatjusthappened - 20/12/2013 08:45 - United States - Federal Way

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2012 17:09 - United States

Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML

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By Help - 26/11/2011 06:03 - United States

Today, it's the second week into my new neighbors' routine. He works nights, she works days. He likes to blast out Slayer and Napalm Death all day, she likes to drunkenly sing out of tune to Adele all night. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. FML

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By aeghw1s - 9/6/2011 11:50 - United States

Today, I started my new job at a restaurant. I am going to be the mascot that stands by the road to wave down customers in a heavy polyester animal suit. The high today is 102. I work 12-4. FML

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Top comments

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7726786 - Thursday 22 November 2018 5:20

Hopefully you give your manager the flu, serves them right. Karma for making you work.

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7726781 - Thursday 22 November 2018 5:12

"Her shoes hurt? Well, your face is killing me." That'll get the point across, I'm sure.

COMMENTS

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7726781 - Thursday 22 November 2018 5:12

"Her shoes hurt? Well, your face is killing me." That'll get the point across, I'm sure.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7726782 - Thursday 22 November 2018 5:16

Heel get the boot when they find he has no sole, and heel have nothing to shoe for it.

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7726786 - Thursday 22 November 2018 5:20

Hopefully you give your manager the flu, serves them right. Karma for making you work.

By zuckerburg | 21

#7726809 - Thursday 22 November 2018 8:21

Best is to sneeze, cough and pretend to pass out several times. Infect as many people as you can. Then as you're asked to leave because you're too sick, go "But my shoes don't hurt"

By Ishvah | 15

#7726946 - Thursday 22 November 2018 14:24

The power of the boner.

By distortedcognition | 17

#7727018 - Thursday 22 November 2018 17:30

Lick everything

By maroongrad | 13

#7727034 - Thursday 22 November 2018 17:48

If he's an asshole and you know it, spread the flu! If he's an asshole and you know it, spread the flu! Cough on his desk, don't wash your hands, hand him paper, do your best, if he's an asshole and you know it, spread the flu!

By TumblrweedPasses | 11

#7727088 - Thursday 22 November 2018 20:00

Spit in his coffee, sneeze everywhere
If he catches it, good
If innocent other workers unfortunately catch it, the whole workplace will call in sick

By Phil | 14

#7727117 - Thursday 22 November 2018 21:25

Actually forcing you to work when you're infectious is illegal. Especially if you work with the public, or around food. It could be a major health code violation.

By bonsai | 11

#7727121 - Thursday 22 November 2018 21:43

That sucks I hope you feel better soon