Today, we're shattering the Glass Ceiling!
Oh, whoops. I meant to say equal beauty and genius. Freudian slip, my bad.
International Women’s Day? Sounds vague.
The mission of International Women’s Day is to achieve gender equality by 2030 by raising awareness. According to this nifty gadget from the World Economic Forum, at the rate we’re moving now, the gender gap won’t close until I, personally, am 193 years old. That’s 93 with a 1 in front of it. Now, I do my best to eat healthy and “stay active” (by which I mean I own a yoga mat) but I’m pretty sure no amount of kale and quinoa is going to help me live that long. Not even science has come up with a way prolong our lives that much. And even if there was a way, would you really want to live to be that old? You know how they say your ears and nose never stop growing? Well, imagine the size of them at 193 years old. We’d all end up looking like Dobby the house elf. The point is, that’s too long to wait. I’ve got student loans to pay off and I need that gender disparity money ASAP.
A day just for women? That’s sexist. What about Men’s Day?
Yeah, yeah. We’ll talk about you guys in November.
So, how can I make a difference?
The theme of this year’s International Women’s Day is #BeBoldForChange. But what does that mean exactly? If you’re thinking, “Ooh, time to break out my bright colors for Spring,” let me stop you right there. No, this is not some Cosmo headline for fashion week and color blocking is not back in. This is about society – women, men, gender non-conforming individuals, everyone, coming together to support equality and celebrate the achievements of women in all fields.
* Notice how I bolded the theme. You know, for change. See look, it’s that easy, I’m already participating!
How are we celebrating here at FML?
Is it ironic that a website dedicated to fails is talking about the success of women? Maybe. But since we’re also talking about gender equality, then we would be remiss not to point out that women fail equally as much as men. That’s right, FML knows no gender bias! Well, except for today. Because today, on International Women’s Day, we are bringing you a selection of FMLs dedicated just to the ladies. There are some things that men will just never understand.
Women in the Workplace
International Women’s Day aims for equal opportunity in the workplace, but that might be hard to achieve as long if we continue to get treated like mutants rather than humans.
“Today, I was excited to finally get an interview after being unemployed since getting out of the military nearly a year ago. Turns out, they weren't even interested in hiring me. They'd just never met a female Marine before. FML” – Female
“Today, I gave up trying to make any friends at my job as a firefighter. I'm the lone female, and am the subject of gossip with the older men. Anyone I try to befriend ends up hitting on me, while others won't even talk to me because their wives are jealous. FML” – anikah
We women are often underestimated. Don’t be fooled by our feminine wiles, we can kick ass if we want.
“Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15-year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21-year-old man. FML” – Anonymous
Ah, yes. Menstruation. The bane of my womanly existence. Just once, I wish you men could feel the sheer torment of menstrual cramps.
“Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML” – Anonymous
I…wouldn’t touch that if I were you.
“Today, I had to watch my drunk girlfriend yell at a cat for not having periods. The worst part is that she was at a pet store. The pet store at which I work. FML” – WTF is wrong with her
She’s right, though. WHY MUST WE BE THE CHOSEN ONES?! I’m with you, girl.
All the Single Ladies
No one makes you feel worse about being single than your older relatives. You know, like that moment at family gatherings when you try to explain that you don’t need a man to feel validated and your older aunts and uncles all look at you with a pity in their eyes that should be reserved for baby birds who’ve fallen from their nests. “I am a strong, independent woman! Stop looking at me like that, grandma!”
“Today, I took part in a bouquet toss. The "single ladies" consisted of myself and several girls under the age of ten. I'm 31. FML” –skid
“Today, at my aunt's wedding, the time for the tossing of the bouquet came and the announcer asked for all the single ladies to gather behind the bride. I was the only one. FML” – single lady
With all this pressure from our family and the idea that there’s some timer in your body that will go out any second, naturally we’ve all ventured into the dating pool. It’s in this hostile environment that some of our most FML-worthy moments occur.
“Today, I had my first date in almost four years. Twenty minutes into our dinner date, I excused myself to use the ladies room. When I came back, not only was he gone, but there was also a security guard waiting to walk me out. I still have no clue why he left or why I got kicked out. FML” – thissinglelife
“Today, I was on a date with a guy having a great time. I went up to go to the ladies' room, but as I walked back to the table, I heard some giggles. I looked and found out why. My skirt was tucked into my underwear. I was wearing my lucky Star Wars-themed panties. FML” – diva467
The reason why dating is often such a hassle? Simple. Men can be absolutely clueless.
“Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML” – ImOverHere
“Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML” - 310
“Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML” – ailat0107
Yep, that’s how you attract a woman. What’s sexier than artistically folded paper renditions of genitalia?! Swoon.
Is this equality? Are we there yet?
These days, gender roles are being broken down left and right. Women are holding higher offices in business, more countries are providing paid maternity and paternity leave to new parents, the list goes on. Sometimes, though, people take a more creative approach…
“Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML” – badparent
Since so many people wear pants, I wonder if this would inspire more men to wear dresses? It would mean shorter lines for the bathroom…
“Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed me towards some bushes. I slid over to them, and pulled my panties down. My skis then started sliding back down the slope. I ended up gliding through the bushes, all the way down to the rest of the group. FML” – sandra22
This would’ve been an easy save for a man. How I wish I had the freedom to pee anywhere I wanted.
No one’s perfect, so please don’t expect us to be. Pre-conceived notions of how a woman should be and act can be incredibly harmful to a girl’s self-confidence. Take a hint from these ladies.
“Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML” – Anonymous
“Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML” – grossesfesses
“Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy the Plan B pill. The pharmacist recognized me and said, "Really? Again?" FML” – Hahaha
Find a woman in your life and let her know you support her. Give her a bear hug, a high five, a thumbs up, a simple smile. Don’t know any women? That’s okay too! Find one on the street and tell her tell her you support her anyway! That’s right, be bold! #BeBoldForChange. You are a woman? Go ahead, give yourself a little round of applause because we both know being a woman isn’t always easy. And of course, use the hashtag #BeBoldForChange on social media to spread awareness.
Men, are you starting to feel a little left out now? Don’t worry, we’ll be back for you when International Men’s Day rolls around.
Until then, tell us about your bold actions in the comments sections below!