Work: Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck...

By Anonymous - 18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 489

You deserved it 5 028

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Same thing different taste

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/06/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 319

You deserved it 2 564

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 16:38 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 994

You deserved it 3 592

Healthy lifestyle tips

By middleagednurse - 04/10/2017 23:37

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 4 086

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 67

By Shock - 21/03/2016 20:12 - United States - Littleton

Today, while working for a hospital security company, I had to assist in restraining a male patient while the nurses put a catheter in him. All I will say is that it looked like a worm trying to swallow a straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 148

You deserved it 1 633

By howaboutthemcarrots - 14/04/2015 15:08 - Finland - Laajalahti

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 348

You deserved it 4 198

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 23:22 - Venezuela - Barquisimeto

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 124

You deserved it 5 134

Nice.

By poururheartout - 27/07/2018 20:30

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 269

You deserved it 379

By AK-47 - 17/07/2015 23:04 - United States - Farmington

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet in a public restroom. That would have been bad enough, without the guy in the next stall saying, "Jesus! What the hell did you eat?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 834

You deserved it 3 484

We could be heroes

By OhPleaseNo - 07/04/2020 14:00 - OhPleaseNo

Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 187

Welshite 39

Thursday 19 June 2014 0:48

That's not how one is supposed to get fiber...

Saone_fml 27

Thursday 19 June 2014 0:49

Oh I'd heard a similar one. "I was outside gardening, I slipped and my trousers fell down, and I fell on the carrot and you know the rest... I don't know what prankster decided to put condoms on my carrots though."

Comments

wvcheesehead 13

Thursday 19 June 2014 2:03

Bugs Bunny saying "what's up my ass doc" I suppose it is healthier than shoving a candy bar up his ass.

weveallbeenthere 30

Thursday 19 June 2014 2:19

I'm sure the xrays have made it around already.

johbstonjacob 8

Thursday 19 June 2014 2:23

Ever heard of patient confidentiality?

Merylwen 24

Thursday 19 June 2014 3:47

Do you see a name anywhere? Of hospital, doctor or patient?

rocker_chick23 27

Thursday 19 June 2014 3:50

He isn't breaking doctor/patient confidentiality. If he told us the guys name and where this happened, he would.

doctorhook86 24

Thursday 19 June 2014 18:05

#51 is a little grumpy. He just got back from the hospital, where he had to get a carrot removed from his ass.

foxmatrix15 8

Thursday 19 June 2014 2:52

On a side note: did u know Sylvester Stallone helped start the Richard Gere rumor about the gerbil?

moneybenny 10

Thursday 19 June 2014 3:14

You work at a hospital what do you expect? Smelling flowers all day? Hardly and FML, I feel bad for the dude with a carrot in his ass

CaptainSmith28 19

Thursday 19 June 2014 3:21

That story takes the carrot cake. *ba dum tss*

KayZeep 3

Thursday 19 June 2014 3:36

lol, We had someone (actually many) at our hospital say the exact same thing. The best one was a coke bottle that went all the way up. The x-ray would have made an amazing coca-cola advertisement.

DocBastard 38

Thursday 19 June 2014 4:50

What kind of X-ray would that be?

doctorhook86 24

Thursday 19 June 2014 18:06

#81: Personally, I can't picture it.

91hayek 31

Thursday 19 June 2014 3:48

This destroys the credibility of people who do fall on vegetables or bottles or other phallic objects that aren't usually upright and would fit up a butt. I feel that with my bad vertigo, one day I will be looked upon as some kind of deviant when I was just really really unlucky.

KJ6 21

Thursday 19 June 2014 3:53

did anyone carrot enough to drive him in?

tehdarkness 21

Thursday 19 June 2014 3:55

I never understand why people don't just go and buy real sex toys.

Merylwen 24

Thursday 19 June 2014 4:00

Well, sex toys can get stuck as well. And then there isn't really any stupid excuse to make up, because sex toys only have one purpose.

91hayek 31

Thursday 19 June 2014 4:12

Because the carbon footprint is too large. Just grow a carrot, shove it up your ass and then wash it and eat it in a salad afterwards. You save on lunch and help the environment.