Love and Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend pulled the whole "whoops wrong hole" thing...

By Boo

Today, my boyfriend pulled the whole "whoops wrong hole" thing during rough sex. He broke up with me because he got poop on him. FML

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4419

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Love

Intimacy

Out of it

Not coming out yet, sorry

What hell, lady?

By Anonymous - United States - Beaumont

Feelings

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

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66427

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By KieRendan - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, due to an unforeseen pipe-related incident, I had to shave my legs in my backyard fish pond, while a plumber assessed the damage to my war-zone of a bathroom. FML

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19804

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By WorkerBee

Today, I found out I didn't get accepted into a program I was nominated to attend at work that all other applicants with less experience than myself did. I found out when they asked if I had gotten the acceptance email. They didn't even bother telling me I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1956

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By nichaneely - United States

Today, I was working when an older lady came up to buy a coffee. Her son cried for a cup of whipped cream to snack on. She shook her head, silently telling me to say no. I said we were out. The mother took her drink and said, "I'm sorry honey, but the mean man said you couldn't have any." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35523

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By Anizzaf - United States

Today, I picked up my cat and it went wild because I didn't know he was sleeping. I ended with with several cuts, and one on my wrist. Later a kid in my high school saw my wrist and told my guidance counselor who told my parents. Now everyone thinks I'm either a liar, attention whore, or emo. FML

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30172

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By Anonymous - Singapore - Singapore

Today, as usual, I got to my internship early, did everything my bosses asked. At the end of the day, I was fired after 3 weeks of working unpaid overtime because they found an applicant with more experience for the job I applied to and they wanted to cut costs. FML

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10849

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Kung?lv

Today, I looked up my childhood bully on Facebook, hoping she'd gone fat and ugly. Turns out she's drop-dead gorgeous and very successful. FML

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54004

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By kai - United States

Today, the only guy who I ever thought liked me for my personality said he had something important to tell me. Later I got an e-mail from him saying he is "worried about me because I lack the skills to get along with other people." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21705

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By Keesha - 18/3/2021 19:30 - United States - Loveland

Kinky

Today, my mother bitched at me for spending $200 on a new clothes I needed for my new job as a bank teller. I then received a notification on my phone that my mother's lingerie order was shipped. She spent $800 on teddies and crotchless panties. FML

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1018

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By random person - United States

Today, I sent the texts "I love and miss you babe;)." and "Shit wrong person." to my ex just so he would think I have a life. FML

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19481

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By I warned him - United States - Marietta

Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38009

You deserved it

4610

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By brighteyes - United States

Today, I tried to befriend the lonely boy who sits at the end of my table at lunch. He always sleeps or does homework during lunch. I walked over to him, tripped, and spilled my open bottle of water on his jeans. I apologized profusely and wiped off his pants with napkins. He got hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35585

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Brevard

Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and head butted me. Now there is just an awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37610

You deserved it

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By HDCkid - United States

Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

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18543

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By Pain_intolerant - Canada

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

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28387

You deserved it

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By oh why... - United States

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55329

You deserved it

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By Spotted - Canada

Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML

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50213

You deserved it

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By AshleyP - United Kingdom

Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47228

You deserved it

4512

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By Axlgrows

Today, a friend admitted that the reason I got the nickname Axl is because I was an A cup with XL underwear. I guess I should be called Axxl now. FML

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9349

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By Inkabadger - Canada

Today, since we hadn't been romantic for a long time, I shaved, took a bath, cut my hair and snuggled up to my husband in bed. He got up, went to the computer, masturbated to porn, came back to bed and asked me what was for breakfast. FML

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32881

You deserved it

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By failphone - United States

Today, I lost my third phone in a year. Making it a grand total of 11 telephones lost or stolen in the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9929

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By Anonwymous - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML

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35863

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By ohcrap - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who's a bit older than me, introduced me to his daughter. I was expecting a toddler. Nope, she's a year older than me. FML

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17324

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By GotPunched - Finland

Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the cute girl was my three years old niece. I lost a tooth because of that punch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

97605

You deserved it

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By knzknz - Canada

Today, I was asked if my bellybutton was an 'innie' or an 'outtie.' My bellybutton has been hidden by fat for so long that I couldn't remember. FML

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12687

You deserved it

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By LaRae17 - United States

Today, I went to an elementary school for volunteer work. I was asked to read to a group of kids during one of the classes. Before I started reading, a girl raised her hand and asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I was single. I asked her why and she said "My daddy wanted to know." I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38221

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and her mom dropped me off at home. I told my girlfriend that I love her. She said nothing, then her mom blurted out, "I love you too!" and drove away. FML

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37222

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By Judy - United States - Altoona

Today, I was called into my 17-year-old son's high school. Why? Because it was Wednesday, also known as "Hump Day" and his friends managed to convince him that you're supposed to go around and hump people. FML

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26934

You deserved it

3108

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By Unimpressed - Australia

Today, I was taken a taxi home after drinking too much. I started to feel sick and, not wanting to be charged the cab cleaning fee, threw up into my handbag instead. When we got to my place I then had to fish through that bag for my wallet to pay the driver. FML

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12490

You deserved it

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By don't pray, PAY

Today, I attended a Buddhist prayer service for my religion and philosophy course. When the service was over, everyone stood up. Unfortunately, my legs and feet had fallen asleep so much that I lost balance and tackled a monk into the shrine. I'm expected to pay for injuries and damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5309

You deserved it

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By ImScrewed - United States

Today, my boss sat me down to discuss the sounds my co-workers have heard coming from my cubicle. Apparently my music sounds like the background tracks from shitty soft-core porn movies. I'm getting a three day suspension while they go through all my files. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32144

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74585

You deserved it

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By Angie - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and filmed it, because it would "be a big hit on YouTube." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28120

You deserved it

1964

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By showerpower - United States

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16467

You deserved it

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By Brastro - Ireland

Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16962

You deserved it

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By Punk'd - 3/4/2021 08:00

Overreaction club

Today, my brother is about to move to a new house, all because last week I played a prank on him. I made him believe that I crashed my car and had to sell his things to pay for the damage. He's no longer talking to me, or acknowledging me as a sibling anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

211

You deserved it

1831

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By yawho - Japan

Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML

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60260

You deserved it

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By anon - United States

Today, my parents have deliberately ruined my last 2 relationships, because they want me to get back together with my ex simply because he is my son's dad. Apparently, my son needs his father more than I need a man who won't beat me every time he gets drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34537

You deserved it

2044

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By inseriouspain - United States

Today, I popped a zit and I went to put my acne medicine on it. It's in a clear bottle with a blue cap, just like the nearby nailpolish remover. I grabbed the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28410

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 21:30

Turbulence

Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML

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Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7670234 - Thursday 2 August 2018 0:35

Pansy. What was he expecting?

By cbchawks | 14

#7677518 - Thursday 16 August 2018 6:01

store your poop somewhere else

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7670234 - Thursday 2 August 2018 0:35

Pansy. What was he expecting?

By cbchawks | 14

#7677518 - Thursday 16 August 2018 6:01

store your poop somewhere else

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7677521 - Thursday 16 August 2018 6:28

Better that it end now, you're just wasting your time dating someone like that. I hope you find someone great.

By FishyFishy | 12

#7677522 - Thursday 16 August 2018 6:32

Let me guess, he thinks girls don't poop! He must have been so shocked when he learned the truth.

Watermania | 9

#7677531 - Thursday 16 August 2018 7:24

Or he thinks OP used to be a man o.0

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7677526 - Thursday 16 August 2018 7:00

Not exactly a keeper if he pulls that sort of sh*t,

gamermonster | 34

#7677795 - Thursday 16 August 2018 18:26

I hope OP won’t take this up the wrong hole...

By RichardPencil | 30

#7677527 - Thursday 16 August 2018 7:05

With boyfriends like that, who needs enemas?

Answer: You

By Charlie Given | 23

#7677530 - Thursday 16 August 2018 7:24

Well he sounds like a shit dick 🤣😂

By rekijan | 6

#7677534 - Thursday 16 August 2018 7:36

What an ass.

By GrumpyGrinch | 23

#7677554 - Thursday 16 August 2018 8:16

Good riddance of bad rubbish!

By Abbusser | 9

#7677565 - Thursday 16 August 2018 8:37

Whoops! Wrong boyfriend...