Today, I got my first tattoo. I didn't realise that the font... - FML

By mislabelled mother - 24/3/2018 01:30

Today, I got my first tattoo. I didn't realise that the font I chose uses a fancy capital L that can easily be mistaken for a capital F. It looks like I have "I'm A Good Fuck Charm" tattooed on my wrist. FML

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Extreme late fees

Last dates

All for nothing

By SmileAndSayHi - 1/6/2016 19:23 - United States - Hialeah

Today, the underwire in my bra snapped as my 9-hour workday started. FML

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By me - 4/4/2013 20:07 - United States - Parrish

Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML

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By Gahh... - 3/12/2012 05:18 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML

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By booyouwhoree - 3/3/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2020 20:08

All weddings are themed

Today, I went to pick up my wedding dress from the seamstress, only to find out that my fiancé called two weeks ago to say I wanted the dress "tie-dyed to match our new theme." She believed him. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2009 10:37 - Australia

Today, I had a job interview but couldn't find my car keys. I had searched the entire apartment and had missed the interview. Turns out they were in my pocket the entire time. FML

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By anonymous - 25/3/2016 22:19 - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML

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By pleasedie - 7/5/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

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By OUCH. - 17/11/2011 21:27 - United States

Today, I got my braces off. I also got my tongue pierced. Both by my orthodontist. FML

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By Solemnwishing - 13/7/2009 18:33 - United States

Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML

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By Bobby - 29/5/2017 22:00

Today, I went to a bone and joint specialist because of excruciating back pain. Before the examination, the doctor told me that the possible reasons for the pain could be arthritis, sciatica, or scoliosis. After the examination, I found out that I have all three. FML

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By snydeeli000 - 27/10/2015 03:41 - United States - Kent

Today, I learned the hisses of my 3 cats so I can tell who starts the fights. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2020 20:02

AT&Twat

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his best friend that the only reason he likes to sleep over at my house is for the sex and the fast internet. FML

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By Jeff - 15/7/2014 20:37 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2015 14:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I learned that my girlfriend takes creepshots of me sleeping, and my mom likes them on her Instagram. FML

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By -_- - 30/8/2013 20:31 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML

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By brokeandalone - 30/7/2013 05:09 - United States

Today, I noticed fraudulent charges made in Florida that nearly drained my bank account. After reporting the fraud to the bank, I returned home from a weekend away to find a note from my husband. He and his mistress have run off to Florida to start a life together, apparently at my expense. FML

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By shh - 9/10/2015 07:06 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

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By laundryduty - 15/6/2019 20:14

Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML

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By bathroomgirl - 11/8/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, thinking I was alone in a public bathroom, I started singing the words to my favorite song. A minute later that I heard a toilet flush, so I just sat there petrified. The other person sarcastically picked up the singing from where I left off. FML

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By gold3nshow3r - 9/3/2017 20:00 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2020 20:06

Big boomer energy

Today, my father-in law-shared his opinion that autistic kids should be beaten until they act normal. He saw fit to share this while my autistic son was having a meltdown because my father-in-law came to the house without warning, and my son violently hates visitors without prior warning. FML

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By Eric Jurgensen - 10/6/2020 17:03

Used

Today, I found out my now ex-girlfriend had only moved in to spite her mother, not because she loved me. Five months of falling in love, just to find out I was just being used to get back at her mom. FML

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By N - 27/11/2012 03:13 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's; his father was with him the whole entire time. He is 27. FML

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By Remy - 16/11/2013 23:39 - United States - Portland

Today, I was offered a job that pays far more than I expected, being a high school senior. My parents decided they aren't letting me take the job, saying I should enjoy my childhood. They're also not paying for my college, which is why I was looking for work in the first place. FML

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By immature - 18/9/2014 19:20 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2013 21:43 - Iceland - Akureyri

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

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By sally - 4/11/2018 12:00

Today, my son watched some ridiculous Japanese cartoon about shokugeki cooking and is convinced he's the greatest cook ever by copying what happens in the show. He set fire to my frying pan, panicked, and dumped it in the ceramic sink, which cracked from the heat and flooded my kitchen. FML

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By Chan - 26/9/2011 01:57 - United States

Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML

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By FMAhole - 12/2/2019 12:18 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while at the office, a surprise Valentine's gift arrived for me, the first I've ever received. It was a box of heart-shaped cookies. From my mother. I'm 39. FML

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By Guy - 17/10/2015 18:23 - United States - O Fallon

Today, the man who fired me from my job became my stepfather. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2010 14:16 - United States

Today, I was on the way to traffic court for a $340 speeding ticket I'd got. My mother called me and I wasn't paying attention which caused me to speed. Right past a cop. When I told the cop where I was going, he started laughing at me. I now have another $300 ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 08:27 - United States

Today, my mom gave me my Christmas gift. It was a letter containing $200 and a note saying, "Here's the down payment for your apartment, please just move out already." I turned 18 last week. Thanks mom. FML

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By melikeyturtles - 3/7/2012 15:08 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out my home health patient purposely drinks tons of prune juice every night so I will have a huge mess to clean up in the morning because I'm "a lazy bastard" and I "need to work harder." FML

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By anonymous - 2/11/2016 04:18

Today, it was the first day of my new job. It was also the last day of my new job. I got a call immediately after finishing my shift to be told the company has "decided to go in a different direction" and will no longer be needing my services. FML

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By notatherapist - 1/10/2014 23:08 - Netherlands - Huizen

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

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By JellitonOctopus - 25/1/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, I received a package from an unknown address. Inside were doll heads and cigarette butts. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that every time he has sex with me he thinks about some mutant bunny chick from "Final Fantasy." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2015 14:47 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got a surprise raise and a promotion at work. Hours after accepting, our company was raided by police on fraud charges. Due to my new managerial position, I had to get grilled by cops. I may not have a job at all next week. FML

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Top comments

By BiGTiMeNeRD | 29

#7614994 - Saturday 24 March 2018 2:13

Either way, not a good tatt.

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7615000 - Saturday 24 March 2018 2:47

How did you not notice this before you got the tattoo? No regerts I guess.

COMMENTS

By ajh1800 | 25

#7614991 - Saturday 24 March 2018 1:50

Guess you're not a good luck charm after all...

By DraftHail614 | 17

#7614993 - Saturday 24 March 2018 2:09

The next time you go on a date, he might just get lucky.

By BiGTiMeNeRD | 29

#7614994 - Saturday 24 March 2018 2:13

Either way, not a good tatt.

By CrazyTrainWreck | 19

#7614997 - Saturday 24 March 2018 2:32

Is your name lucky by any chance?

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7615000 - Saturday 24 March 2018 2:47

How did you not notice this before you got the tattoo? No regerts I guess.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7615006 - Saturday 24 March 2018 3:11

Don’t meff with Lancy Lontf! You’ll Fook Fike a Lucking Loof!

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7615009 - Saturday 24 March 2018 4:37

Whatever other people see, it still means the same thing, so no big deal.

By Symphoniaes | 32

#7615010 - Saturday 24 March 2018 4:38

No ragrets, isn’t that right Scottie P.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7615023 - Saturday 24 March 2018 6:34

Instead of having good luck, you'll be having a good fuck. It isn't so bad, who doesn't like a good fuck?

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7615038 - Saturday 24 March 2018 8:27

Did you not see the design before it was permanently etched upon you? If you did you would have seen it looked that way.