Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want...

By tommyboy783 - 20/10/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

This is us

The student becomes the master

By JBK06262009 - 12/11/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, I was informed by my boss that he has been stealing quarters out of my change bowl to pay for his bus rides. He makes six times the amount I make. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2018 07:00 - United States - Conroe

Today, I'm recovering from a bad motorcycle crash that could have cost me my life. A truck pulled out in front of me while going 60. Luckily I only have a broken arm and a fractured sternum. I was just notified by my attorney that the guy at fault has no insurance or assets to his name. FML

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By "Jam2019" - 15/2/2019 14:00

Today, despite using the bathroom before I left my house, then at the bus station 10 minutes later, I still had to get off my bus halfway into my hour long journey to pee in a back alley or I would have wet myself. I'm 24 and this has happened twice in the last week. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 20:41 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML

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By BrandonDrapeau - 3/8/2015 02:57 - United States - Sparta

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

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By I don't trust them. - 2/7/2017 18:00

Cats are Satan's Minions

Today, I learned that our cats love to knock over glasses and cups, particularly if they have liquid in them. The latest victim of their antics? My expensive computer keyboard. FML

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By ScarredEars - 12/8/2010 12:02 - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2015 05:25 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML

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By booooo - 7/3/2011 21:38 - France

Today, I withdrew €40 at the ATM to pay for dinner later tonight. It wasn't until I went to pay for it that I realized I'd taken the receipt, but left the cash in the ATM. FML

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By Deaf - 2/7/2015 18:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sent to the principal's office because I refused to take my earbuds out. Those "earbuds" are my hearing aids. FML

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By stubble - 13/11/2009 06:26 - Canada

Today, I had to meet my mother. Being a college student, I decided I was too lazy to shave this morning. She noticed the stubble on my face, and started crying because I'm growing up. I'm 23 years old. My dad yelled at me for making my mom cry. FML

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By tamponmayhem - 9/3/2009 19:30 - Canada

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2016 21:03 - United States - Newport

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML

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By mike - 7/2/2010 07:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she carved her old boyfriends name in her arm and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, my neighbor and I learned why fireworks are illegal in city limits. This lesson was learned shortly after a roman candle came crashing through my second story window. FML

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By pygmalion - 26/9/2009 10:39 - United Kingdom

Today, after the most stressful two weeks of my life, I finally found a few minutes to sit down with a relaxing cup of tea. I went to take a sip, sneezed, smashed the mug into my nose, and dumped scalding hot tea all over my face and cleavage. FML

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By great - 25/1/2013 20:36 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

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By The nice guy finishing Last - 27/3/2017 12:00

Today, my mom talked me into going to a funeral since my dad wouldn't go. It was for one of her classmates. When it was our time to view the casket, we paused in front of it for a second before my mom leans over to me and says, "What if I told you that was really your dad?" FML

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By box butt - 7/3/2017 00:00

Today, after much dieting and exercise, I can proudly say that my love handles are now bigger than my ass. FML

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By WickedRene - 2/8/2014 01:57 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

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By ironies a b*tch - 13/4/2013 05:04 - United States - Chatham

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

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By American Idiot - 20/9/2016 19:25 - United States - Duluth

Today, my husband picked a fight with me because I have more pictures of our child on my desk at work than I do of him. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 21:08 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I woke up, only to find my Xbox missing. Thankfully I have a security camera discreetly wired up in the tree on my lawn. Checking the tapes, I saw my brother park outside my house, let himself in with his spare key, then drive off with my missing equipment. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2018 14:00

Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML

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By xxccruzxx - 29/6/2012 13:30 - United States

Today, at work, my phone kept crashing. Without thinking, I announced that it was having a seizure. Who did I announce this to? My boss. Who also happens to have epilepsy. FML

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By dk14 - 24/1/2017 10:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad let me borrow his car for transportation to work because mine got totaled. This car is a complete dump and I've realized he's only letting me use it so it's my fault to fix the broken things on the car. So far, I've had to replace the battery and two popped tires. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2020 14:01 - United Kingdom

Alexa, play "Gigantic" by Pixies

Today, my brother was officially diagnosed with gigantism. According to the specialist doctor, he'll probably be 8 feet tall, if not taller. Hearing this, my brother looked at me and said, "Remember when you used to pick on me for being smaller than you? Karma's a bitch, ain't it?" I’m so screwed. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2010 18:25 - Singapore

Today, I took a nap because I've been sick for the past week and I was exhausted. When I woke up, my hair, shirt, pillow, and bedsheets were soaked. I threw up all over myself in my sleep. FML

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By I'll Make You FartCum - 2/1/2015 21:53 - United States - San Francisco

Great handle!

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I went indoor rock climbing with my uncle and his 5 year-old girl. I'm about halfway up the hardest ascent when my arm cramps up. As I stretched my arm, my cousin yells up at me in her tiny voice, "Prove you're a man and climb that wall!" I fell off. I was emasculated by a 5 year-old. FML

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By Stressed - 24/9/2018 22:00

Today, I got promoted. By promoted, I mean, given a much harder job with no training and no extra pay because someone went on maternity leave. They've already hired someone for my old position. FML

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By Whyudodis - 1/10/2016 07:18 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, while on the skytrain, a woman leaned on the railing bar that I was holding onto, crushing my hand. My first instinct was to move my hand when she turned around and began loudly yelling at me for, "Touching her waist" and "Sexually harassing" her. FML

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By NotYourCopyEditor - 6/5/2019 22:00

Today, at work, I had to explain to a 50-year-old engineer that Comic Sans is not an acceptable font for a government contractor to use in a structural report. FML

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By UnfortunatelyAmusing - 5/11/2013 00:25 - United States - Princeton Junction

Today, I found out that my sex face is definitely amusing after the third girl in a row started laughing at it. FML

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By Derek - 5/8/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my kids are both my half-brothers, and the fertility tests my wife had us do a few years ago showed that I'm sterile. She didn't tell me until I found the test results in her desk and asked her about it. FML

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By notnow - 27/9/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, minutes before I walked down the aisle at my wedding, my drunk mother stumbled up to me and told me she was depressed and wanted to leave. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2014 15:20 - United States - Reno

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

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By Unreasonable - 23/3/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Bridezilla vs. the Coronavirus

Today, I received a threatening DM from my so-called best friend, telling me that she wouldn't be calling off her wedding next week, despite everyone telling her to postpone due for health and safety reasons, and would claw my eyes out if I stayed in quarantine with my sick mum instead of coming. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2016 00:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML

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Top comments

By russellboy | 0

#3460565 - Thursday 20 October 2011 8:46

Good plan. But bad execution. Lol

By Freeze_fml | 16

#3460575 - Thursday 20 October 2011 8:47

There are so many things wrong with this. For one, a response from the same number.

Comments

By Shiraishi_fml | 6

#3460564 - Thursday 20 October 2011 8:46

At least she stopped after that right? Or she didn't even get the hint?

hilary56 | 0

#3460639 - Thursday 20 October 2011 8:55

That's a burn brotha

MrPedoBear_fml | 4

#3460646 - Thursday 20 October 2011 8:58

Just say blame it on the cellphone company.. And text me. >:)

sexxxysydney | 14

#3460720 - Thursday 20 October 2011 9:30

This is actually a great idea, bummer he failed. Maybe next time OP.

enonymous | 8

#3460738 - Thursday 20 October 2011 9:32

Error 404 comedy in this reply not found

nerdpower_fml | 1

#3460773 - Thursday 20 October 2011 9:46

Just stick to selling brake pads, tommy boy. You obviously aren't good at anything else.

AnonymousTroll | 2

#3461159 - Thursday 20 October 2011 12:48

Maybe OP had a temporary moment of silence?

zombicidal | 11

#3461454 - Thursday 20 October 2011 14:42

he just put his phone number on the internet

Kiirst_mt1994 | 26

#3461588 - Thursday 20 October 2011 15:34

it's your own fault!

Kiirst_mt1994 | 26

#3461897 - Thursday 20 October 2011 16:41

lol

iluvhobos | 5

#3462842 - Thursday 20 October 2011 20:47

How did "this weird girl" get your number in the first place. YDI for that, and your terrible spelling.

By russellboy | 0

#3460565 - Thursday 20 October 2011 8:46

Good plan. But bad execution. Lol

heyguysitsjosh | 8

#3460756 - Thursday 20 October 2011 9:38

Looks like he forgot to turn on auto correct

nonelikeworms | 0

#3461101 - Thursday 20 October 2011 12:30

Spelling Nazi

Fruit_Dealer | 9

#3461462 - Thursday 20 October 2011 14:44

"Spellcheck yourself before you wreck yourself." -Someone random

By kidclarke | 15

#3460569 - Thursday 20 October 2011 8:47

There's an app for that

XAnNiHiLaTiOn | 6

#3460925 - Thursday 20 October 2011 11:09

No, it's not an App it's built in.

Blissfull_Sin | 7

#3462170 - Thursday 20 October 2011 17:55

Whats da name of that app? Lol I want it

AlexanderSilver | 0

#3463059 - Thursday 20 October 2011 22:11

I believe he was quoting the iPhone's "there's an app for that" commercial.

By dinkiebaum | 0

#3460573 - Thursday 20 October 2011 8:47

Bahahaha YDI!!!!! That's funny though

csosa187 | 1

#3460955 - Thursday 20 October 2011 11:35

Thank you for not contributing anything to this post -_-

djmigues | 7

#3460968 - Thursday 20 October 2011 11:52

Same to you, 64.

xosportsgirl14x | 8

#3461069 - Thursday 20 October 2011 12:25

And you, 66. Ah, hypocrites.

OP: why not just not text back...?

djmigues | 7

#3461096 - Thursday 20 October 2011 12:29

I was going to say, "And the same to myself as well," but I had already posted my comment and didn't want to double post.

kiakia0131 | 23

#3461878 - Thursday 20 October 2011 16:38

You could have edited your comment, unless you are using an Ipod or phone. (I don't know if you can edit comments on those devices.)

guckylynn | 19

#3461934 - Thursday 20 October 2011 16:48

You can edit comments on iPhone and iPod.

thaskipsta | 1

#3462096 - Thursday 20 October 2011 17:36

Very nice

By Freeze_fml | 16

#3460575 - Thursday 20 October 2011 8:47

There are so many things wrong with this. For one, a response from the same number.

By samiwammy | 5

#3460576 - Thursday 20 October 2011 8:47

Lol, YDI.
Spell check next time ;P

By Isabel312 | 0

#3460578 - Thursday 20 October 2011 8:48

Maybe you just send a regular "I don't feel like texting" or "I'm busy" text. It's shorter and you don't look like a douche. Unless you misspell something. Oh wait....