Miscellaneous: Today, the speakers on my laptop weren't working. I worried I'd...

By Anonymous - 27/01/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, the speakers on my laptop weren't working. I worried I'd broken something, and started freaking out. I restarted my computer numerous times and played with the settings for an hour before calling my sister in to help. She looked at it for two seconds, then unplugged my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 087

You deserved it 41 195

Miscellaneous

Best teeth in the game

Recycle this!

Bladdered

By Golden~ - 01/06/2011 09:20 - Canada

Today, I found out that the school principal takes all the money from the school fund raisers to buy herself donuts. I'd donated over $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 237

You deserved it 5 376

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 175

By bottomdrawerraider - 17/11/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 925

You deserved it 12 135

By itsbeenalongday - 27/09/2015 16:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was taking a long, relaxing, hot bath with my girlfriend after a long day. She had fallen asleep in my arms and everything was perfect - until I noticed the water around us had started turning yellow as she pissed herself in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 865

You deserved it 3 032

By papertrains - 20/02/2010 15:13 - Singapore

Today, I went to the hospital to get my ingrown toenail removed. The doctors put me on a little surgery table and told me to relax. They then injected anesthetic into my toe four times and used a pair of scissors to slowly cut through my nail. Only, the anesthetic hadn't started to work just yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 781

You deserved it 2 667

By username - 19/05/2015 06:45 - United Kingdom - Leatherhead

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 655

You deserved it 5 893

By Anonymous - 18/04/2012 19:18 - United Kingdom - Eynsham

Today, I attempted to wax my "lady area". It hurt more than losing my virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 988

You deserved it 9 854

By Serum - 05/08/2013 16:41 - United States - Wichita

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 533

You deserved it 5 506

Good excuse.

By and somehow you have a master's degree - 07/11/2017 01:30

Today, my faculty mentor for my senior capstone project wasn't at my presentation for the entire department faculty. I assumed his wife or kids were sick, but that piece of shit told me himself that he was at home watching the new season of Stranger Things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 141

You deserved it 332

By Drew - 05/08/2010 05:18 - United States

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair... with her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 511

You deserved it 4 337

By :( - 28/03/2014 20:25 - Sweden - Ume

Today, my grandma reduced me to a sobbing wreck in two short sentences, just to win a bet against my mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 614

You deserved it 4 806

By well scrooge you too - 26/12/2015 04:24 - United States - North Myrtle Beach

Today, a customer gave me the dirtiest look ever and muttered "goody two-shoes prick" after I asked if he'd like to donate a few cents to charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 577

You deserved it 1 808

Some guys have all the luck

By Anonymous - 26/08/2020 05:03 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today my brother tried to teach me the merits of stalking women on Facebook, gave me a tutorial on how to use improper grammar and spelling to woo them and finally, "using misinformation to start a conversation." He's getting married soon. The last time I kissed a woman was 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 208

By nerd - 18/06/2009 14:15 - Finland

Today, I was driving in my car when out of the corner of my eye I notice a car pulling up next to me trying to get past me. I speed up, so as not to let the car pass me. It took me a while before I noticed I was racing against the shadow of my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 300

You deserved it 76 094

By Rakayla - 29/06/2019 12:03 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after finally asking my crush for his number, and telling him the reason being he's the only friend whose number I don't have, he laughed, then asked, "Why would I ever be your friend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 205

You deserved it 217

By noodlesandmilk - 13/12/2015 14:10 - Australia - Canberra

Today, my step-brother went grocery shopping alone for the first time. He came home with Ramen and 14 bottles of chocolate milk, which will expire by the 20th. My step-dad is insisting we eat it so it doesn't go to waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 998

You deserved it 1 827

By alephnull - 02/02/2011 21:07 - Canada

Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 998

You deserved it 3 108

By sickandtiredofit - 24/01/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 181

You deserved it 3 090

By stupid - 21/12/2010 15:21 - Ireland

Today, I walked to school in -5 degree weather, snow up to ankles, for an exam. The school had closed and warned all the parents, but mine didn't tell me, because it was "funnier". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 563

You deserved it 4 593

By unwed - 11/12/2010 06:56 - United States

Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 402

You deserved it 4 384

Diblo's story

By Diblo - 28/11/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was in a middle school for work experience. One of the teachers was reading the class I was in a story about a man called Diblo. Innocent enough, right? Nope. He repeatedly misread it as Dildo for the entire passage. The kids laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 882

You deserved it 200

By dentallycorrect - 19/08/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 203

You deserved it 5 377

By Anonymous - 01/11/2011 16:18 - United States

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 256

You deserved it 5 957

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 17:43 - Spain - Tordesillas

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 006

You deserved it 34 747

By Bliggins - 28/11/2012 03:08 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 894

You deserved it 2 942

By weep weep weep - 12/03/2012 03:04 - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 859

You deserved it 3 815

By random - 08/01/2015 05:24 - United States - Arvada

Today, my sister and I got stuck in an airport elevator. We were separated from our friends, missed our flight and had to walk two hours to find our gate. On the bright side, we ended up having a pleasant talk with an Air Marshal on why we were "stalking people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 435

You deserved it 2 863

Pace yourself

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 11:01

Today, for my 18th birthday, I went out to a club with my mate and I drank so much I ended up breaking my nose. I was there for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 1 009

By Dan - 09/11/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I got a call from my ex asking if I could fix her computer. I brought my 7 year old son with me. On the way I told him, how I hated her, but I can't be rude. Once we get there, I say to her "it's nice to see you." My son says "but I thought you said you want her to fall off a bridge?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 770

You deserved it 49 087

By CoffeeStained - 10/11/2015 15:54 - United States - Richmond

Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 317

You deserved it 10 065

By gir - 14/07/2011 19:35 - United States

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 485

You deserved it 96 869

By Ellowise - 24/12/2009 10:06 - Belgium

Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 653

You deserved it 47 046

By alipallie - 10/03/2014 00:36 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, after running across London to catch my train, I collapsed, panting, into a seat across from a concerned elderly woman. She leaned over to ask whether I had my inhaler and I smiled and nodded. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'm not asthmatic, just really unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 064

You deserved it 7 038

By eamiller - 23/12/2014 20:41 - United States - Franklin

Today, I was complimented on my freckles. I don't actually have freckles, just a load of blackheads that won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 690

You deserved it 3 782

By sleepylillion - 25/04/2016 05:07 - United States - Eleele

Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend chuckling to himself. Turns out he had just clogged the toilet. When he called maintenance, halfway through explaining the problem he started hysterically giggling and had to hang up mid-sentence. This has been a reoccurring theme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 160

You deserved it 1 509

Oops, I Did It Again

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 713

Taste test

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 12:28 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 524

You deserved it 6 579

By jmac - 11/03/2012 03:06 - United States

Today, I dropped a knife while cooking. Luckily it missed my foot, but only because it hit my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 350

You deserved it 4 281

By tallvet - 22/03/2018 19:00

Today, I told my wife to not drive our car as it has a steering problem and is starting to shake. I got home from work to see it had a flat tire, and asked her if she went anywhere. She'd thought I was exaggerating and went out for coffee. I've been a mechanic for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 880

You deserved it 283

By braceface - 07/07/2010 13:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I worked up the courage at lunch to sit next to the girl I've been in love with for 3 years. Everything was going great. That is, until I sneezed and my retainer shot out my mouth, and landed in her lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 186

You deserved it 8 005

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Top comments

cronatoes 0

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:27

congrats, your now a certified tard.

xosKsxo 0

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:21

ahhh lmfao sorry that one made me laugh

xosKsxo 0

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:21

ahhh lmfao sorry that one made me laugh

shakenbake93 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 0:09

suck it up

jamieboy11 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 2:01

jerk

xlostwithoutu 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 2:46

Wooooow... epic fail.... 

Ajjas013 6

Thursday 28 January 2010 2:51

Are you blonde?

jessxoxo28 5

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Thursday 28 January 2010 3:18

WOW, lmao. ur smart ;)

BlueJeans2626 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 3:54

smartie pants 8-)

lisatheshopper 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 7:41

same here!!!!

alexwilliamson 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 9:39

LOL!!!! Funniest one I've seen in a while! You dickhead!

betsy5 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 22:59

i'm a blonde. and i'm not that stupid.

jaypineapple 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 7:39

haha you suckkkk

writergirl69 0

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 2:42

at least you didn't call some super-expensive repairman

TomFeltonFan 0

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Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:43

thank you for informing us.

revcanon 0

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:24

thats all you

PottentialFML 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 4:02

hot.

lakedvorak 0

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:24

haha loser

thecoolest 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 1:20

Has nobody realized that this is a repeat?

JCadle90 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 1:34

I think the another fml had something to do with an iPod and headphones plugged in... so mostly the same

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:26

you must be blonde

SiMsIzzy 0

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Sunday 31 January 2010 9:20

And you must be beautiful, ;) hehe. But seriously that was an epic fail :P

FernandoTorres_fml 0

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:26

Smart.

cronatoes 0

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:27

congrats, your now a certified tard.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:28

you're*

goldenone 2

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Thursday 28 January 2010 7:00

writergirl69 0

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 2:44

THANK YOU, #10!!

Freeze_fml 16

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:28

Resist sexist remark...

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Thursday 28 January 2010 0:19

how the fuck is this racist or sexist?!

Rota 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 0:29

Learn to read dipshit. I know you women hav a hard time with logical though, but god damn...

waterynuggets 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 0:37

The ironing is delicious.

Freeze_fml 16

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Thursday 28 January 2010 0:41

Jesus Christ. Not helping.

briannajo92 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 4:35

lol, rota's the master of dipshit

thatoneguyinca 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 6:44

In that case. It's a woman from New York.......no need to say more

Honda288 2

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Tuesday 27 September 2011 5:05

Win!

mexican_girl 0

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:30

Lol I did that once... But the headphones was the first thing I checked...

polico_wolf 0

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:33

so, where are all the "Today, I got diagnosed with cancer. FML" fmls?

Person1233 12

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:36

Cancer was cured yesterday.

Towelie_31 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 1:45

#12 the hospital

quickbeeare 0

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:34

yeah... you deserved it... and probably shouldn't own a computer ^_^

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 4

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 4

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 141

You probably do

Good excuse.

Some guys have all the luck

Diblo's story

Pace yourself

Oops, I Did It Again

Taste test

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