Miscellaneous: Today, the speakers on my laptop weren't working. I worried I'd... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the speakers on my laptop weren't working. I worried I'd broken something, and started freaking out. I restarted my computer numerous times and played with the settings for an hour before calling my sister in to help. She looked at it for two seconds, then unplugged my headphones. FML

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BO Central

Time to run

Please like me

By Anonymous - United States - Oceanside

Today, I told the guy I've liked since we were children that I'm madly in love with him. He replied with, "Aw, I love you too, as a sister." I was speechless. He patted me on the back and said, "Better luck next time." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my now ex-fiancée confessed that "our" child is most likely actually hers and my father's. FML

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By Oops - United States

Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML

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By lexiibabe - United States - Attleboro

Today, my older brother gave me his old phone. He didn't realize that he hadn't deleted his pictures. I found a bunch of him wearing my underwear and bras. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2020 20:04

High school drama

Today, I found out the promise ring my boyfriend of 4 months gave me used to be his ex-girlfriend's. FML

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By liver - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, since I'm too broke to get a new one, I had to duct tape my bra. FML

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By nomfuck - United States - Fremont

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

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By Anonymous

Smash the Patriarchy!

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that yes, girls do get armpit hair, we just have to shave it. FML

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By snow

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

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By Sean - Canada - Toronto

Today, as I was crossing a street, a car hit me and broke two of my ribs. The driver was too busy paying attention to his girlfriend who was giving him a blowjob from the passenger seat. I could see the look of ecstasy on his face as he rammed into me and drove off without noticing. FML

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By YoungSmileBones - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, I'm so broke that I'm thinking about using a glass of whiskey and a pair of pliers to pull out my broken wisdom teeth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend and I performed a rap to our whole school. The rap was "made up" by our friend. After the performance, a lot of friends asked me why I did a rap from Hannah Montana. Apparently the rap was off of a show for 8 year olds. We are 17 and people think we watch Hannah Montana. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up late for work. I rushed everything, ate a quick meal and was thirsty as hell. I saw a 2-liter Coca Cola bottle, so I poured a huge glass filled with ice and ran out the door. While driving, I took a huge gulp of nice, cold thick cooking oil. FML

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By fucking pissants - United Kingdom

Today, I sold yet another £100 bottle of lotion to a stuck-up teenage fashionista with less brain-power than the yapping bastard of a dog she carried in her arms. She did nothing but brag the whole time about her jewelry, and openly mocked me for only making minimum wage. FML

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By Liv - United Kingdom - Great Bookham

Today, my mother was talking about a holiday she went on this time last year. She turned to me to say, "You would've loved it, it's a shame you couldn't come". I was there. It was just the two of us on holiday together. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML

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By justhatelife - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my coworker got angry at a mean customer. She came to the back, where I work, and started punching the wall repeatedly. When I tried to intervene and stop her from breaking her hand she punched me in the stomach and uppercut me. FML

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By Lovestupid - Australia

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

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By nemo518 - Canada

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked out my best friend via facebook graffiti. He then accidentally wrote his rejection as his status instead of on my wall. More people liked his status than the number of friends I have on facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2020 17:01

Healthcare is broken

Today, after driving 3 and a half hours to the nearest major emergency room, waiting 7+ hours to see my grandfather's bowel cancer specialist, we were told to go back to our hotel. Why? The triage nurse never logged my grandfather into the system, so his doctor went home at 9.00 p.m. when he'd finished theatre. FML

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By

Fancy Hobo

Today, I decided to change my name on YouTube to Fancy Hobo and then proceeded to send an email to a well-admired professor. Little did I know my email was linked to YouTube. Yes, Fancy Hobo sent a very professional email about registration for Grad School. FML

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By cande - United States

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

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By

I'm in a hurry

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

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By Eddie - Israel

Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML

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By Ohwhy - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML

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By ChubbyPanda

Today, after not moving at work all day, I decided to be healthy and walk home. Now my thighs are numb from rubbing together. FML

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By John - United States

Today, I was working in a call center when I smelled perfume. I'm allergic, and it triggered my asthma. When I came back, some jerk had sprayed it all over my work area. I couldn't go near it for the rest of my shift, therefore I had to go home early, and got my paycheck docked. FML

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By chattyloz - United Kingdom

Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML

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By queenbitch - United States - Dearborn

Today, I pulled up to a red light. My ex was in the next car, and my car's windows are so tinted that you can't see through them, so I flipped him off. I was driving my mom's car. FML

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By problemchild - United States

Fault

Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say, "Yes she did." FML

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By DearLord - 3/4/2020 23:00 - Canada

Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…

Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2020 20:00

Check your head

Today, I had a real coffee again after being sick for two weeks. It didn't taste so good, though. Just like the one I had yesterday. Well, I thought, maybe my taste has changed? Maybe I just need to get used to it again? No, it was just that the milk had gone bad three days ago. FML

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By HiddlePuff - Australia

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML

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By nohalloweenforus

Today, it's Halloween and my boss changed his mind at the last minute, telling us we're no longer allowed to carve pumpkins in our lunch hour because, "It would be too distracting". What are we supposed to do with 12 pumpkins now? FML

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By Tbelle

Today, my brother texted me a picture of his "upcoming disconnect" notice for his utility bill and asked if I could loan him the money to pay it. All I could give him was a picture of my "disconnected" notice. FML

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By Traumatized - Israel

Today, my coworker returned the camera I lent her. After plugging the camera into my PC, I saw a file was still on it. Wanting to make sure I didn't delete something important, I opened it. To my horror, it was a video of my coworker pleasuring herself. She's old enough to be my mother. FML

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By Kwalker3 - United States - Tracy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

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By seanjohn268 - Canada

Today, I discovered that you should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters. FML

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By Ouch - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was at a professional tennis match. The ball was hit extremely hard, resulting in it going into the crowd. And when I say crowd, I mean my face. FML

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Top comments

By cronatoes | 0

#803087 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:27

congrats, your now a certified tard.

By xosKsxo | 0

#803058 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:21

ahhh lmfao sorry that one made me laugh

COMMENTS

By xosKsxo | 0

#803058 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:21

ahhh lmfao sorry that one made me laugh

Reply

shakenbake93 | 0

#803197 - Thursday 28 January 2010 0:09

suck it up

Reply

jamieboy11 | 0

#803452 - Thursday 28 January 2010 2:01

jerk

Reply

xlostwithoutu | 0

#803565 - Thursday 28 January 2010 2:46

Wooooow... epic fail.... 

Reply

Ajjas013 | 6

#803574 - Thursday 28 January 2010 2:51

Are you blonde?

Reply

jessxoxo28 | 5

#803626 - Thursday 28 January 2010 3:18

WOW, lmao. ur smart ;)

Reply

BlueJeans2626 | 0

#803717 - Thursday 28 January 2010 3:54

smartie pants 8-)

Reply

lisatheshopper | 0

#804249 - Thursday 28 January 2010 7:41

same here!!!!

Reply

alexwilliamson | 0

#804369 - Thursday 28 January 2010 9:39

LOL!!!! Funniest one I've seen in a while! You dickhead!

Reply

betsy5 | 0

#805495 - Thursday 28 January 2010 22:59

i'm a blonde. and i'm not that stupid.

Reply

jaypineapple | 0

#806663 - Friday 29 January 2010 7:39

haha you suckkkk

Reply

writergirl69 | 0

#1082624 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 2:42

at least you didn't call some super-expensive repairman

Reply

TomFeltonFan | 0

#2265363 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:43

thank you for informing us.

By revcanon | 0

#803069 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:24

thats all you

Reply

PottentialFML | 0

#803749 - Thursday 28 January 2010 4:02

hot.

By lakedvorak | 0

#803074 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:24

haha loser

Reply

thecoolest | 0

#803358 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:20

Has nobody realized that this is a repeat?

Reply

JCadle90 | 0

#803385 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:34

I think the another fml had something to do with an iPod and headphones plugged in... so mostly the same

By mfmylifesrsly | 29

#803083 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:26

you must be blonde

Reply

SiMsIzzy | 0

#811990 - Sunday 31 January 2010 9:20

And you must be beautiful, ;) hehe. But seriously that was an epic fail :P

By FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#803084 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:26

Smart.

By cronatoes | 0

#803087 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:27

congrats, your now a certified tard.

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#803095 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:28

you're*

Reply

goldenone | 2

#804175 - Thursday 28 January 2010 7:00

al

Reply

writergirl69 | 0

#1082628 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 2:44

THANK YOU, #10!!

By Freeze_fml | 16

#803090 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:28

Resist sexist remark...

Reply

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#803219 - Thursday 28 January 2010 0:19

how the fuck is this racist or sexist?!

Reply

Rota | 0

#803256 - Thursday 28 January 2010 0:29

Learn to read dipshit. I know you women hav a hard time with logical though, but god damn...

Reply

waterynuggets | 0

#803271 - Thursday 28 January 2010 0:37

The ironing is delicious.

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#803277 - Thursday 28 January 2010 0:41

Jesus Christ. Not helping.

Reply

briannajo92 | 0

#803837 - Thursday 28 January 2010 4:35

lol, rota's the master of dipshit

Reply

thatoneguyinca | 0

#804141 - Thursday 28 January 2010 6:44

In that case. It's a woman from New York.......no need to say more

Reply

Honda288 | 2

#3353703 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 5:05

Win!

By mexican_girl | 0

#803104 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:30

Lol I did that once... But the headphones was the first thing I checked...

By polico_wolf | 0

#803110 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:33

so, where are all the "Today, I got diagnosed with cancer. FML" fmls?

Reply

Person1233 | 12

#803120 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:36

Cancer was cured yesterday.

Reply

Towelie_31 | 0

#803413 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:45

#12 the hospital

By quickbeeare | 0

#803115 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:34

yeah... you deserved it... and probably shouldn't own a computer ^_^