Miscellaneous: Today, the only person to wish me a "Happy birthday" was the... - FML

By uncool - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a "Happy birthday" was the cop who pulled me over, as he handed me my ticket. FML

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BO Central

Long term commitment

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

By Confused

Today, I woke up 2 hours early to go to the physical therapist my doctor referred me to. She did confirm physical therapy will help, but she doesn't treat my issue. She’s also the only person in my city who takes my insurance. FML

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By Kftc88 - United States - Pomona

Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML

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By dumped - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because the love advice that she gets on her cellphone every week says that I'm cheating on her. I've never cheated on her and I was planning to propose next week. FML

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By MynameisntToby - United States

Today, it was raining downtown. I saw an elderly woman crossing the street so I lend her my umbrella and help her across. When we get to the other side, she says "Thank you Toby," and then refuses to give back "her" umbrella to me, loudly enough for a nearby cop to hear. FML

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By Andrew - United States

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was helping my elderly landlady (75 years old) carry in her groceries. She said "Thanks" and then handed me a notice of eviction. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's mom was driving me to the store to pick up my wedding dress. A few minutes into the drive, she said the car's tank was nearly out of "Jews" and that she'd have to give it "a whole lotta gas", then chuckled to herself. She's well aware that I'm Jewish. FML

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By Anonymous

Waste moment

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

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By justabitembarrassed - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, my boyfriend learned how to somersault. He now thinks that he's a ninja and somersaults into every room. FML

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By unemployed

Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call for an interview. Right in the middle of the call, my phone hung up so the music app could open. I tried calling them back and got no response. FML

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By Anon - United States - Maidens

Today, after getting home from finals and finishing the semester, I had a very heartfelt reunion with my dog during which he licked me all over the face. About an hour later, my dad told me, "By the way, don't let him lick you, he has hookworms." FML

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By dollfacee - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he thinks I'm cheating on him, with my brother. FML

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By happytuckerhappy - United States - Chandler

Today, I set up a profile on a dating app, stating that I'm awkward amongst other things. Within minutes, a guy messaged me. I was thrilled, until he started threatening me because he has Aspergers, and according to him, only they are "allowed" to be awkward. I had to delete my profile. FML

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By speechless - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and ended up throwing up as soon as I got home. My mother's first question was an accusatory, "What have you been drinking?" I was returning from the AA meeting I have been attending for over a month. I go because I'm afraid I'll become an alcoholic like her. FML

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By Surewhatever

Not on a plane

Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML

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By clumsy - United States - Stafford

Today, I slipped and fell on a piece of plastic. I thought nothing of it until I went to the doctor's and found out that I fractured and dislocated my kneecap. I'm now in a full leg brace and crutches. Prom is five days away. FML

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By deewe - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I planned to go on a date with a man I met online. He came to my apartment to pick me up, and I told him I'd be right out as I grabbed my purse. When I got outside, he was gone. FML

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By imfullthanks - Norway

Hygienic

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "How did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?" She yelled from the other room, "You know that little plate with the red stripe?" I was eating off it. FML

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By Roses are Red - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I sent a dozen roses and a hand-written, heart-felt note to my ex-girlfriend to show her that I'm still madly in love with her. When I asked if she got the flowers I sent, she replied, "Yeah but you got the wrong color. You should've gotten yellow, that stands for friendship." FML

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By birthdayfail

Today, it's my birthday. At my workplace, we always get a cake for whoever's birthday it is. They somehow forgot about me. I've been working there for a year, and my grandparents and my dad own the restaurant I work at. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I had to take care of my best friend while she was drunk. This meant changing her pee-soaked sheets, making her take a bath to get all the baby powder off, and making her put clothes on as she tried to run out the house naked. FML

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By PissedOff

Today, my husband sent me a short video of my snoring last night because I wanted to hear how bad I sound. The first few seconds went by OK, but for the rest of the clip I could barely hear anything else over the sound of my husband taking a long piss in our bathroom. FML

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By NotAGoodDay - United Kingdom - Sudbury

Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a homeless man. As we left the train he shook my hand and was seemingly on his way. That was until he caught me greeting my boyfriend, to which he decided to tell the romantic story of how he murdered a man for "getting too close to his woman." FML

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By Éponine - 12/6/2020 17:03

Miserable

Today, as an aspiring performer, I tried to practice crying on demand by singing "A Little Fall of Rain" and "On My Own" from Les Misérables. It was all going well, until my nose started running uncontrollably and no tears actually came out of my eyes. Maybe acting isn't for me. FML

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By Inthedumps - United States - Jerseyville

Today, my boss is still refusing to hire any more people because he's convinced I can handle all of the work after the majority of staff quit. FML

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By dirtytoes - United States - Houston

Today, I found a diaper in the parking lot. It's been raining all morning. This was the wrong day to wear flip-flops. FML

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By single and unbuggered - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

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By So I can go now then?

Today, I got fired from a job I had already resigned from after agreeing to stay on and help them out for an extra month, despite having no contract. They fired me because a colleague refused to work with me anymore because I wouldn't date him. FML

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By Mel

Today, I found out the guy I was seeing was married, with a kid, when his wife sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

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By GopherJR - Canada

Today, I convinced myself I needed to get over my ex-girlfriend. I spent twenty minutes signing up for a new dating site, only to find out, that the only other profile on the site of a person within 200 km, is my ex-girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

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By Detroitman125

Today, my parents told me that they think I've gone off the deep end. I don't drink or take drugs. What did I do? I got McDonald's a couple times after school. FML

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By MCForty - United States - Charlotte

Today, I won a pool game against some guy. His friends started mocking him for getting his ass whooped by a pregnant girl who couldn't even lean over the table. He got mad, swung his pool stick at them, missed, and hit me right in the face. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say 'yes' or 'no', instead of nodding your head. FML

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By Davey Crocker - 23/4/2020 08:00

Stay safe, wear a hazmat suit

Today, my coworker volunteered me to drop laptops off at two sites outside our normal areas. I asked if they were safe from COVID-19. "I don't know, but you're young. You'll be okay," responded the man who's been working from home for weeks. FML

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By bobthenun - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

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Top comments

By Nimmrodel | 11

#2356892 - Saturday 16 April 2011 12:16

He was doing his job and being nice at the same time. :)

By ElGranOrgo | 0

#2356894 - Saturday 16 April 2011 12:17

happy birthday...

COMMENTS

By Nimmrodel | 11

#2356892 - Saturday 16 April 2011 12:16

He was doing his job and being nice at the same time. :)

Reply

jannylam | 0

#2357269 - Saturday 16 April 2011 14:53

yeah true lol.

Reply

LunaNstars | 0

#2357502 - Saturday 16 April 2011 15:47

cops are people too :)

Reply

dirtyblond | 4

#2357834 - Saturday 16 April 2011 16:34

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! :D

Reply

eyez_lay_low1921 | 0

#2357904 - Saturday 16 April 2011 16:41

itz alright OP, itz my birthday as well and my parents seem to have forgotten. -_-
HAPPY BIRTHDAY OP.!

Reply

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#2358074 - Saturday 16 April 2011 17:06

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to OP and 45!!

Reply

dirtyblond | 4

#2358103 - Saturday 16 April 2011 17:14

HAAPPYY BIIRTHDAAY 45! :P

Reply

staceysgenesis16 | 0

#2358455 - Saturday 16 April 2011 18:12

Happy B-Day 45 and OP !! :D *throws confetti in the air* haha .. sorry thats the best i could do lmao

Reply

Rainbow_dumpster | 27

#2359434 - Saturday 16 April 2011 21:57

Aww. HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2 U AND OP.

Reply

funnyFMLSplz | 0

#2361064 - Sunday 17 April 2011 5:25

cha cha cha.

Reply

mimosa79 | 8

#2361612 - Sunday 17 April 2011 8:34

And at least she (op) didn't get arrested! take a note from Monty Python and "Look on the bright side of life!"

By ElGranOrgo | 0

#2356894 - Saturday 16 April 2011 12:17

happy birthday...

Reply

DropDead77 | 11

#2356968 - Saturday 16 April 2011 12:31

that's the spirit :)

By lifeisabitch2 | 0

#2356911 - Saturday 16 April 2011 12:19

so u have no friends. YDI

Reply

thorscope | 0

#2357511 - Saturday 16 April 2011 15:49

it's 9 in the morinning were I live his friends probably arnt up yet

Reply

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml | 12

#2357820 - Saturday 16 April 2011 16:32

Yeah I know. It's like "my friends didn't get up at 12 in the morning to wish me a happy birthday, FML" -.-

Reply

EvanM2894 | 1

#2360795 - Sunday 17 April 2011 3:51

31, 41, 48, It's already a different day. This was posted 49 minutes before the whole birthday ended.

OP: Happy birthday.

By RinnieRiot | 9

#2356914 - Saturday 16 April 2011 12:19

Peopl can forget. We're human.

Reply

ImaWiseGuy | 5

#2357249 - Saturday 16 April 2011 14:47

pretty big coincidence that everybody he knows for got......

Reply

A7X_LoVeee | 10

#2357678 - Saturday 16 April 2011 16:15

Maybe some of her friends but not her parents..

Reply

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml | 12

#2358082 - Saturday 16 April 2011 17:09

Maybe, it's too early. I live in Cali too, it's only 8:11 as of this comment and this post has been up for at least a couple of hours judging by the number of YDI and FYL votes there. So quit complaining OP, you'll get your Happy Birthday.

Reply

example947 | 0

#2358428 - Saturday 16 April 2011 18:06

two a7x's in one convenient location!

Reply

dolphincheddar | 10

#2358752 - Saturday 16 April 2011 19:29

I'm a person. but I'm not human. I'm a sex machine. but i still forget birthdays.. and anniversaries.. and condoms.. it happens

Reply

k3500 | 0

#2361411 - Sunday 17 April 2011 7:19

haha I like this

By Doortje | 29

#2356917 - Saturday 16 April 2011 12:20

And that's probably your only birthday present, too.

Well eh, happy birthday.

By Miss_Michaela | 10

#2356921 - Saturday 16 April 2011 12:22

Well, at least you got one. I mean, he could've not said Happy Birthday at all. ;)

By afdude87 | 6

#2356932 - Saturday 16 April 2011 12:24

lol happy birthday. sorry about the ticket though :)

Reply

Emster689 | 0

#2357815 - Saturday 16 April 2011 16:32

happyy birthhdaayy...

By redbluegreen | 40

#2357009 - Saturday 16 April 2011 12:45

Were you wearing your birthday suit?

Reply

abceasyas123abc | 12

#2357044 - Saturday 16 April 2011 12:57

Haha

By NeatNit | 32

#2357018 - Saturday 16 April 2011 12:46

That would have sucked if it was your birthday! ;D

By tammy0312 | 6

#2357080 - Saturday 16 April 2011 13:23

hahaha! my husbands uncle is a detective so now he has a really handy gold card. When we get pulled over and the cops check our plates all they say is "Have a nice day!" hehehe

Reply

tammy0312 | 6

#2357089 - Saturday 16 April 2011 13:25

oh yeah and happy birthday, even though they're overrated.

Reply

jess2gd4u | 0

#2357576 - Saturday 16 April 2011 15:59

that's why ur countries justice system is a wrought.