Love: Today, the only man who has ever fallen in love with me is bald.... - FML

By joe - France

Today, the only man who has ever fallen in love with me is bald. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Impressive

Desperate

By tacolove69 - United States

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2020 17:00

Bird's eye view

Today, I found out that my shower area is in direct view from my neighbours' balcony. I realised this when I caught my neighbour and his wife watching me while I was getting dressed. I've been living here for 7 years. FML

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By gwengas - France - Saint-ouen-des-alleux

Today, while out with my boyfriend, I gave a beggar some cash, who then smiled at me and said to my boyfriend, "You have a beautiful little lady, take good care of her." Flattered, I hoped my boyfriend would agree with the compliment. He turned and said, "Hear that? He said you were little." FML

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By RitaDahhlinnnng - United States

Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML

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By toobroketoprotest

Today, I found out that the higher-ups aren’t letting us use the break room anymore, so guess it’s back to eating lunch in my car while it’s 100°F outside. FML

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By AlienZ - United States

Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school so I said, "Yeah, that would be awesome," thinking it was a joke. They weren't joking. FML

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By cmore - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML

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By alopez1994

Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML

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By Mike - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2020 20:08

Cash dispenser

Today, my daughter is engaged to her soon-to-be fifth husband. She's 32 and refuses to believe she's the problem in relationships, and she wants me to pay for this wedding. FML

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By loser - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, my mum asked when she's getting grandkids. I had to tell her that, at 21 years-old, I hadn't even managed to get a boyfriend yet. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that I have developed an allergy to salt water on my face. Now, every time I sweat or cry, I come up in a bright red rash. I am allergic to my own bodily fluids. FML

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By misty - Canada

Today, after checking in and waiting 3 hours to see the doctor, the receptionist said she forgot about me because she didn't see me. She asked me to come back tomorrow. I was sitting right in front of her. FML

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By michael

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to shit out the second story window is a very bad idea. FML

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By Anonymous

Gentrification strikes !

Today, I actually can't choose what's worse, hearing my direct neighbour having really loud sex on a regular basis, including furniture breaking, or hearing people cheering and playing the piano in the same room. Upper-class fantasy? FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Nuneaton

Today, I found out that my fiancé's sister, who only got engaged a couple of months ago, is getting married before us. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she wasn't planning her wedding to be exactly like ours will be. FML

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By Icci - United States

Today, at work I was playing football with one of my camp kids in the indoor-pool. I saw a co-worker walking by and I decided to hit him with the football. The football slipped out of my hand and I hit a lady in the face, breaking her nose, and causing her to fall and get a concussion. FML

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By liLbob6598 - United States

Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house. FML

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By XxespoxX - United States

Today, my Dad took me to a yankee game at the new Yankees stadium. During the 5th inning the camera crew put a man on the big screen. I then yelled out "Look at that ugly asshole!" It was the guy sitting 4 seats to the left of me. FML

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By moon_paw - United States

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

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By NoMoreMeters - United States

Today, during my fourth solo day working as a meter-maid, I had a vehicle towed for being parked in front of a fire hydrant. The vehicle belonged to the governor. I'm scared to even show my face at work next week. FML

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By aireeahna - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to. We ended up at his house around 4 a.m., but as we walked through the front door, his ex girlfriend was sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home. They still live together. FML

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By CallmeEddie - United States - Joliet

Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I tried buying a video game that was rated "M - for mature". The Cashier told me "you have to be 17 to buy this game". I didn't have any ID on me. I'm 25. FML

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By Albert06 - France

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

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By frog - United Kingdom

Today, while on holiday in England, a cute boy came up and asked where I'm from. When I said Paris, he gave a look and said, "Oh, strange, I always thought Parisians were the most beautiful women in the world." FML

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By mastel07 - United Kingdom - Stevenage

Today, I found a very light blonde long hair on my marital bed's pillow. I confronted my husband about it and after hours of arguments and me throwing his stuff out of the house, I found another. Attached to my head. My husband isn't having an affair, I'm just going grey. FML

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By footinmouth - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a girl I work with was talking to me in an Eeyore voice. I'm not sure if it's because she's sad and pathetic, or if she thinks I'm sad and pathetic. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend who's sick, he told me he felt sleepy due to meds and was going to bed. I jokingly said, "you're going to call your other girlfriend, aren't you?" There was silence before I heard, "you weren't supposed to find out like this." FML

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By VeeDubDisaster - United States

Today, I went to start my just bought '79 VW bus. I put my key in but stopped due to the strong gasoline smell. I went to check. Found puddle of gas. The previous owner figured duct taping a cracked tank was the same as fixing it. And didn't bother to share that tidbit with me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Woodland

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

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By Losamus

Nice first impression.

Today, I didn't know I had a pill stuck in my throat until I coughed and it flew across the table, narrowly missing the weird guy sitting across from me in the break room. Turns out that weird guy is my new supervisor. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Windsor

Today, the guy I like shoved me out of the way so he could talk to another girl. FML

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By Emily - 7/6/2020 20:08

What's the point?

Today, whilst doing training as a mental health nurse, our glorified pineapple of a lecturer told us that trying to stop patients wanting to commit suicide isn't a possibility. So, what the hell are we training for? FML

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By DreeStahr - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

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By isuckatlyfe - United States

Today, I was excited to see my ex-girlfriend. We had broken up while I was in Iraq and I wanted to try to get her back. I spent my first day back looking for a place to live while her and her new boyfriend got it on as I slept. I had chosen that apartment for us and paid for that bed. FML

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By Anonymous

Oops.

Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pratt

Judgment Day

Today, my fiancé and I are house-sitting for my future in-laws for the next 3 weeks. They left a bible in both bedrooms, along with printouts of an article denouncing the "sin" of premarital sex. They're such complete whack-jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if they've set up hidden cameras everywhere too. FML

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By CHStennis_4 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

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Top comments

By Tenma_Hakase | 0

#23893 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 4:39

You're very shallow. You don't deserve him honestly

By unicorn_fml | 0

#23248 - Monday 9 March 2009 16:01

you don't deserve even him.

COMMENTS

By greenman_fml | 0

#100 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 12:43

look on the bright side: don't have to pay for extra haircuts, extra shampoo; don't have to worry about lice, his hair will never be greasy, and maybe you can stick his head in your cooter

Reply

LittleKandiRaver | 0

#411567 - Sunday 19 July 2009 23:01

LOLWUT. xD

Reply

sux_2_b_you | 0

#599038 - Friday 2 October 2009 5:37

hahahahahahahahahah cooter. dude i love you soo much greenman

Reply

8inchwang | 0

#712342 - Wednesday 9 December 2009 23:15

hahaha thats so funni........8 inch wang

Reply

fmyeffinglifekth | 0

#931644 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 8:40

This is the funniest comment I've ever read on this site!

Reply

garrettjordan | 0

#948027 - Monday 15 March 2010 2:11

maybe he is a skin head

Reply

noscope_ftw | 0

#1152645 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 16:08

lol nice but op ure a biatchh

By Finnboghi | 0

#2054 - Saturday 14 February 2009 5:55

Thank you, Sk00mba, your point is excellently put.

And besides, bald guys often look pretty badass. Or like accountants.

By 0___0 | 9

#9194 - Saturday 28 February 2009 10:40

lol bald fetish

By unicorn_fml | 0

#23248 - Monday 9 March 2009 16:01

you don't deserve even him.

By Tenma_Hakase | 0

#23893 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 4:39

You're very shallow. You don't deserve him honestly

Reply

Jjdavis | 5

#7712038 - Sunday 21 October 2018 20:47

this fucker doesn't deserve love I'm going bald at 16 soo

By Mr_Roboto | 0

#24324 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:35

What's wrong with bald people? Not really an FML.. &Agree with #11: Stop being shallow.. Joe :)
-mr roboto

By rootbeerfanatic | 6

#33844 - Monday 16 March 2009 3:18

so...

Reply

IndigoFuckYou | 9

#2390583 - Saturday 23 April 2011 3:22

Well. That^ was meaningful.

Reply

marulicko | 19

#5794157 - Monday 16 December 2013 12:29

It was meaningful, actually. She wrote "so..." When really she meant "so what if he is bald? Maybe he has an amazing personality, maybe he is the best man in the world, maybe he's literally perfect for you. Give him a chance!". You, on the other hand, wrote "well. That^ was meaningful." And what you meant in reality was "well. That^ was meaningful."

By wira176 | 2

#36626 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 4:50

Beauty is only skin deep. Be grateful you're getting some love at this point.

By srsmr123 | 0

#36693 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:08

so... if he loves you why do you care what he looks like?

By breathemein | 10

#55380 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 17:11

well atleast someone loves youu !!
some people dont have anybody
so BE HAPPY WIF WHT U GOT
& stop complaining