Today, the only man who has ever fallen in love with me is bald.... - FML

By joe - France

Today, the only man who has ever fallen in love with me is bald. FML

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Understandable

Toxic parents

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

By PixieWrists - United Kingdom

Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML

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By Catremorse - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

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By abnormallyadam - Australia - Footscray

Today, I found out that the guy I've been crushing on for months is actually 15 years old. I'm 22. Not only is it gross, but it's also illegal. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the AC broke in the kitchen of the restaurant I work at. Temperatures reached over 100 degrees and one of my coworkers nearly passed out. Our boss accused us of being "dramatic" and only let us step out after I collapsed. I need this job too badly to quit. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was having motorbike lessons. We were parked by the side of the circuit when one side of my gloves dropped on the ground. I tried to pick it up without getting off the bike. I lost balance, fell off the bike and the bike landed on my leg, trapping me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Greensburg

Today, I was on my way to college when I got in a car wreck with none other than my professor. My car was totaled and couldn't drive, but his could so I missed class, but he still made it. The end result? He marked me as an "unexcused absence" and gave me a zero. The accident was his fault. FML

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By ChickenBallsPlease - United Kingdom - King's Lynn

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML

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By fuuuuuh - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML

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By Ryan - United States

Today, I was taking an important exam for Calculus. Out of nowhere, the kid behind me starts violently kicking my desk. I quickly turn around and yell at him. He was having a seizure. FML

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By cheekymac - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the airport baggage collection when I saw an old man struggling to get his very old and heavy suitcase off the belt before giving up. I had already collected my bag, but wanting to be helpful, the old man watched me as I grabbed his handle, yanked and snapped it clean off. FML

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By TheNaturalOrderofThingsSucks - United States - Seattle

Today, after pouring my heart out to a beautiful girl on Facebook, and having her return the favor, she typed a final message that read, "That was my friend. Please f*ck off now. Thanks." FML

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By rebekah - United States

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Aldergrove

Scammed

Today, after a little detective work, I found out the money that recently went missing from my college fund was transferred by my mother, to her own account. She claims it's to pay a parking ticket. Maybe I'm just stupid, but I didn't know they fined people over $3,500 for a parking violation. FML

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By Anonymous - Russian Federation - Lipetsk

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML

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By JuggaloSlasher15 - United States

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML

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By ChiefKoala

This is America

Today, it will be the third time since moving to this area that I will have to call out of work because of gunshots heard nearby, police looking for someone and advising us to stay indoors. FML

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By peallow - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

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By dickwebs - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

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By whiskynexttimeplease - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, my husband kindly offered to take me on a brewery tour. Turned out the brewery is owned by his ex-girlfriend and there was no tour after all. Just me standing awkwardly for 25 minutes while he chatted to her about her family and stuff they used to do together. FML

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By wtf - United States

Today, I found out that my overprotective parents hired a private investigator a month ago, who since then has been watching my perfectly normal boyfriend, in case he "tries to rape or kill" me. We're both 25 years old. FML

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By Chard of Glass - Canada - Marystown

Today, I woke up with a nasty cough. My mother gave me cough syrup for it. After about 30 minutes, I was dizzy, nauseous, and high as a fucking kite. Turns out the cough syrup reacts badly with my prescription medications, making me even sicker than I already was. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML

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By aur - France

Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

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By notfuckingpaidenough - United States - San Leandro

Today, a man tried to rob the store I work at. Before the guy was taken by the cops, he complained to my manager for "unfriendly behavior". He took it seriously and bitched me out for not providing "quality service" to our customers. FML

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By - 14/2/2020 05:00

Pain in the neck

Today, my mom drove my car and ran had to make a u turn on a narrow street. Instead of slowing down, she speeds to turn running off the road and denting my car. Make it worse, she blamed me for not giving her good directions. Then follows up with it is not that bad. FML

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By yupimher

The long goodbye

Today, I found out my job is trying to get me to quit. FML

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By Jen - Australia

Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, we found out that the beloved "Uncle Jimmy" from my early childhood was really the man my mother was cheating on my dad with. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Berlin

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

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By people will think I'm Shelley Duvall

Today, my son's yearbook came. I was pretty happy, because I also ordered a larger version of his photo because he's going to California for college and I wanted a special picture of him to keep. Unfortunately, my happiness disappeared when I saw that he was wearing a horse mask in the photo. FML

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By piece of shed - United States

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

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By 1000dollarspoor - United States

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

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By lamelifeguard - United States - Morrison

Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2020 08:01 - Canada

Leave me alone

Today, my brother turned into a fanatical vegan, and while I was eating my scrambled eggs, sat across from me glaring and whispering, "fried embryo, amniotic fluid" the entire time. I have a feeling i'll be eating most of my meals in my room from now on. FML

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By FlyingFist - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

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By nofunforme - United States - Candler

Today, I was having fun while home alone, until my dog heard my vibrator and tried to attack me. FML

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Top comments

By Tenma_Hakase | 0

#23893 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 4:39

You're very shallow. You don't deserve him honestly

By unicorn_fml | 0

#23248 - Monday 9 March 2009 16:01

you don't deserve even him.

COMMENTS

By greenman_fml | 0

#100 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 12:43

look on the bright side: don't have to pay for extra haircuts, extra shampoo; don't have to worry about lice, his hair will never be greasy, and maybe you can stick his head in your cooter

Reply

LittleKandiRaver | 0

#411567 - Sunday 19 July 2009 23:01

LOLWUT. xD

Reply

sux_2_b_you | 0

#599038 - Friday 2 October 2009 5:37

hahahahahahahahahah cooter. dude i love you soo much greenman

Reply

8inchwang | 0

#712342 - Wednesday 9 December 2009 23:15

hahaha thats so funni........8 inch wang

Reply

fmyeffinglifekth | 0

#931644 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 8:40

This is the funniest comment I've ever read on this site!

Reply

garrettjordan | 0

#948027 - Monday 15 March 2010 2:11

maybe he is a skin head

Reply

noscope_ftw | 0

#1152645 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 16:08

lol nice but op ure a biatchh

By Finnboghi | 0

#2054 - Saturday 14 February 2009 5:55

Thank you, Sk00mba, your point is excellently put.

And besides, bald guys often look pretty badass. Or like accountants.

By 0___0 | 9

#9194 - Saturday 28 February 2009 10:40

lol bald fetish

By unicorn_fml | 0

#23248 - Monday 9 March 2009 16:01

you don't deserve even him.

By Tenma_Hakase | 0

#23893 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 4:39

You're very shallow. You don't deserve him honestly

Reply

Jjdavis | 5

#7712038 - Sunday 21 October 2018 20:47

this fucker doesn't deserve love I'm going bald at 16 soo

By Mr_Roboto | 0

#24324 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:35

What's wrong with bald people? Not really an FML.. &Agree with #11: Stop being shallow.. Joe :)
-mr roboto

By rootbeerfanatic | 6

#33844 - Monday 16 March 2009 3:18

so...

Reply

IndigoFuckYou | 9

#2390583 - Saturday 23 April 2011 3:22

Well. That^ was meaningful.

Reply

marulicko | 19

#5794157 - Monday 16 December 2013 12:29

It was meaningful, actually. She wrote "so..." When really she meant "so what if he is bald? Maybe he has an amazing personality, maybe he is the best man in the world, maybe he's literally perfect for you. Give him a chance!". You, on the other hand, wrote "well. That^ was meaningful." And what you meant in reality was "well. That^ was meaningful."

By wira176 | 2

#36626 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 4:50

Beauty is only skin deep. Be grateful you're getting some love at this point.

By srsmr123 | 0

#36693 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:08

so... if he loves you why do you care what he looks like?

By breathemein | 10

#55380 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 17:11

well atleast someone loves youu !!
some people dont have anybody
so BE HAPPY WIF WHT U GOT
& stop complaining