Health: Today, the cashier at Walmart kept getting distracted and laughing...

By sadgoblin

Today, the cashier at Walmart kept getting distracted and laughing hysterically while ringing up my items because she couldn’t get past how much I "look like a goblin". She then called her manager over, who agreed. FML

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Health

Ambien conversations are the worst

Sounds like a catch

Free carer

By BadFather - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

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By Purple - United States - Fremont

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

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By PissedOff

Today, my husband sent me a short video of my snoring last night because I wanted to hear how bad I sound. The first few seconds went by OK, but for the rest of the clip I could barely hear anything else over the sound of my husband taking a long piss in our bathroom. FML

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By not getting any

Weeks?

Today, I’m allergic to all forms of hormonal birth control, and due to the virus outbreak, I can’t get my implant replaced. We’re in quarantine, and my boyfriend and I just used our last condom. It’s going to be a long couple of weeks. FML

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By nerdychick - United States

Stalker vibes

Today, I printed out a picture of the popular girl in school as a sort of 'model' for how I wanted my hair cut. The hairdresser taped the picture to the mirror so he could see. Halfway through, my 'model' came in for an appointment. FML

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By queenmeme - United States - Redlands

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

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By preggo eggo

MAKE UP YOUR MIND

Today, after months of my fiancé begging me to have a baby with him, I found out I’m pregnant. He doesn’t want a baby anymore. FML

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By cheatingapparently - 20/6/2020 23:06

Occam's razor

Today, I got an A+ on a writing assignment. My teacher asked me three times if I really did write this article myself, and didn't memorise an article from the Internet. FML

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By JadeC - United States

Today, I was fired. For "lack of attention to details", specifically spelling errors. My now ex-boss misspelled the name of his own company on my severance agreement. FML

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By Somessedup - United States

Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML

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By NotSoCool - Singapore

Today, I was pulling my trolley luggage at the airport when I passed 2 cute girls smiling at me. Thinking I looked real cool, I kept on walking without paying heed to anything else. Then my brother shouted asking me what was I doing, only to realise that the handle had come off a few metres back. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I came home from a month long vacation to find my house absolutely trashed with a lot of valuable items missing. Burglary? Nope. My dad, who was meant to be house-sitting for me, let the neighbour's teenage son have several parties there in exchange for weed. FML

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By sophistication - United States

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

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By Karin - Germany

Today, after a week of sporting what I thought was a flattering pixie cut, I realised that without my long hair, my body shape closely resembles a snowman's. FML

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By freamly - 16/3/2021 17:01

Estranged

Today, I called my mother to tell her about my terminal cancer diagnosis. She responded with, "What makes you think I care at all?" before hanging up. FML

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By My Life Is Just PERFECT - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up for me. It was going pretty good, then he said he was going to go out to smoke. 10 minutes went by and he still hadn't come back. I called my friend and she said he doesn't smoke. FML

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By Nutless - United States

Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML

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By pipers - United States - Northfield

Today, I spent several hundred dollars having our pipes and septic system fixed. Tonight, I watched my husband pour about a half-liter of bacon grease into the sink. Better keep the septic guy on speed dial. FML

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By JJ - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text saying: "I don't think we can see each other anymore, the nights were great, but I think I'm falling in love with Julie". I'm Julie. FML

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By iamnotuseless

Today, I went to my local pharmacy. Walking in, the security guard rudely asked me what I was going to buy. I brushed him off and walked in. I was paying and told the cashier what happened. She said "Sorry, we get a lot of hobos, they tend to steal." FML

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By crotchshothottie - United States

Today, I saw my picture in an architecture magazine. I'm not an architect. I was walking up a flight of "magnificently built" stairs as my skirt lifted to show an absence of underwear. FML

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By Star_Wars_Lover - United States - Dallas

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

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By Dave - United Kingdom

Today, I was on a plane returning to University, and I decided to shut my eyes. I opened them about 45 minutes later just as the plane landed to find I couldn't move at all. I was in sleep paralysis. The air hostesses had to lift me out of my seat. FML

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By Thai rice mistake - United States - Oakland

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

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By Larry - United States

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

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By phlyingphuck - United States

Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML

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By Michael

Taking the Micheal

Today, my girlfriend of 5 years confessed to cheating on me during my recent business trip. Moreover, she doesn't want to cut off contact with the other guy, because she's afraid of hurting HIS feelings. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Liverpool

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

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By Nathanael Johnson - Australia

Today, after a fun movie night, I found a note on my fridge saying, “It was delicious.” I don’t know what it is referring to, since nothing is missing and we didn’t eat anything during the movie. FML

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By damgoose - United States

Today, while I was working in the liquor store, I was trying to impress my hot boss by lifting three cases of Grey goose. Turns out I can't, and I'll be working for the next two months of the rest of my summer paying it all back. FML

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By allergic - France

Today, I found out that I have a gluten allergy. What this basically means is that I can't eat anything with wheat in it; bread, pasta, cake, you name it. I am Italian, this basically limits me from eating any of the awesome food my family makes almost every night. Here I come plain rice. FML

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By trixieee

Today, my boyfriend got a text from a "close female friend." The text was of her with no shirt on, and he quickly closed his phone. His explanation was that his female friends just want his opinion on how they look. I don't know what's worse, that there are several, or that he thinks I'm that stupid. FML

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By Grrrreat - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Grove City

Today, a childhood friend reached out to me to apologize for our friendship. He was obviously drunk, and admitted that his parents made him become friends with me so that my dad, their landlord, would be easy on them when the rent was short after his mom lost her job. He said he never really liked me and called me a nerd, before hanging up. FML

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By Oops

Today, I went commando for the first time at school. It went really well until gym class, when I got distracted and changed like I normally do. I didn’t realize my mistake until my friends started laughing. I accidentally stripped in front of my whole class. FML

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By psychortiz - United States

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

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By naas1201

It's not working

Today, and since the beginning of our couples therapy, my wife and I don't do it anymore. FML

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By Poowee - United States

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML

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Top comments

By yeongji | 31

#7664916 - Monday 23 July 2018 3:21

I am not sure if the cashier's name is on the receipt, but I sure hope you saved it when you file a complaint. Sure, it is Walmart, but the two of them were unprofessional and made fun of someone for their looks. That is not acceptable in any workplace, unless you have the same job as someone like Simon Cowell.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7662387 - Tuesday 17 July 2018 9:28

It's better to be a goblin, than a troll.

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7662387 - Tuesday 17 July 2018 9:28

It's better to be a goblin, than a troll.

By yeongji | 31

#7664916 - Monday 23 July 2018 3:21

gubby122 | 2

#7665113 - Monday 23 July 2018 14:07

That’s rediclous

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7665368 - Tuesday 24 July 2018 1:52

So's your spelling.

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7664917 - Monday 23 July 2018 3:24

Better hope your appearance doesn't land you on people of Walmart.

By EarthsMightiestHeroes | 20

#7664918 - Monday 23 July 2018 3:28

report that bitch to corporate!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7664919 - Monday 23 July 2018 3:32

You may look like a goblin, but those people working a Walmart were less than human.

By cable | 6

#7664925 - Monday 23 July 2018 4:03

is your name happy grumpy or dopey?

hunterchik | 24

#7665170 - Monday 23 July 2018 17:12

Those would be dwarves...

By RichardPencil | 30

#7664926 - Monday 23 July 2018 4:23

They have to keep a straight face while dealing with the victims of PeopleOfWalmart.com. You must be a real visual treat to throw her off her game like that!

By Charlie Given | 23

#7664927 - Monday 23 July 2018 5:03

Ouch that's incredibley unprofessional of themselves you should report them,or drag them to your cave and grind there bones to make your bread 🤔😎

By joeyl1990 | 28

#7664930 - Monday 23 July 2018 6:28

That's terrible you should report her to her m.. oh...

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7664933 - Monday 23 July 2018 7:09

You may want to make an official complaint up the chain.